


The Sun's In My Heart

by missanomalous



Category: Victorious
Genre: Drug Use, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-11 17:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 45,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/481049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missanomalous/pseuds/missanomalous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate to get out of the house, Tori spends part of her spring break with Jade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

"Why?"

 

The coarseness of the tone shouldn't have surprised Tori, but it took her a moment of floundering before she could formulate a reply. After having half a week off from Jade, the longest stretch she had gone without seeing her classmate since she switched schools, Tori was used to people being a tad more civilized.

 

"Okay, I'm hanging up in three, two-"

 

"Are you doing anything tonight?" A long stretch of time left the Latina chewing her lip as she waited for the inevitable rejection. "Jade?"

 

"Why?" There was an apprehension behind the repeated question that surprised Tori, but she supposed the request was just as strange for Jade to hear as it was for her to say. "Don't you have friends who are actually, I don't know, your  _friend_?"

 

Tori huffed. "Everyone's away for the holiday." She didn't mention that she had tried Beck before resorting to Jade, only to find out he had a date with a girl he had met on the beach earlier that afternoon.

 

"Are you really so uncreative that you can't handle a week off by yourself?"

 

"I really need to get out of the house."

 

"Why so desperate?"

 

"Because," Tori was again left trying to verbalize just why she needed to hang out with someone, even if it was someone who could barely stand her presence. "Trina."

 

It was a full minute before Jade finally sighed. "I'll pick you up in twenty minutes."

 

Tori was waiting on the curb when Jade pulled up in a car that Tori didn't recognize, her eyes heavy with make up and her expression bored. "You better have money," she called out through the rolled down passenger window.

 

"I've got, like, fifteen bucks." Tori slid into her seat and reached back for her seatbelt as Jade shifted into drive. "Where are we going?"

 

"To a small get together. If you don't like it, I'm sure you can call your parents for a ride home." The dark haired girl reached forward to turn on the CD player and a singer Tori didn't recognize came through the speakers.

 

"Where's the party?"

 

"At a house."

 

She rolled her eyes and sat back as Jade drove them towards a neighborhood she didn't recognize, the houses small but colorful. Jade was quiet as she drove, her face displaying a look that made Tori rethink just how desperate she was for a night away from her sister. She was about to voice said thought when they pulled into a strip mall that was on one of the busier intersecting roads, and Jade ignored all the empty spaces to pull up to a small orange Datsun. Blue eyes slid over to Tori and a palm was held out. "Money."

 

"For what?" Tori asked, though her hand was already reaching into the back pocket of her jeans. She didn't notice the door on the car next to her open until a guy she vaguely recognized stuck his head through the open window and made her jump by snatching the money out of her hand. She almost raised her voice in protest, but she was cut off.

 

"Hey, West. Who's your friend?" The sandy-haired boy smelled too much of cheap body spray, but his smile was slow and easygoing and his hat was something Tori would have bought herself. "She's cute."

 

"Vodka," was the sharp response he received along with another bill. "Enough for the two of us."

 

The boy's sky blue eyes drifted back to Tori as he took the money and pushed off from the car without question. The fact that he didn't even blink at Jade's brusqueness left Tori with the impression that he had dealt with her before, and Tori found her gaze following him as he walked into the liquor store a few shops down from the one they were parked in front of. She then glanced over to the car he had emerged from where another boy sat in the passenger seat, his hair a darker brown than her own locks, with eyes to match. He lifted his hand to give a small wave, which she returned bemusedly.

 

"Okay, where are these from?" she asked, turning to Jade.

 

"Gotta get in the art classes, Tori," Jade replied airily as she checked her hair in the rearview mirror. "There are some hot, soon-to-be tattoo artists who spend all of their free time making bongs out of clay and looking for something fun to do."

 

Tori laughed and relaxed in her seat a little. "I screw up stick figures, but it does sound tempting."

 

The lilac streaks in Jade's hair were a new addition to her color scheme, but they matched the v-neck she had on perfectly, and, in turn, brought out the grey hues in her eyes as they rolled in their sockets. "Something the great Tori Vega isn't a natural at? My stars."

 

"I don't talk-"

 

"Smirnoff for the ladies." Tori jumped as the blonde boy returned, a slim paper bag in his hand. "How do you get to Lia's from here?"

 

"Follow us," Jade's voice had returned to a normal neutral as she spoke to whoever the boy was, a quirk in her lips as she reached across to grab the bottle and hide it in the backseat.

 

"Lia?" Tori asked when they were back on the road. "Lia Petrosini?"

 

"Mhmm."

 

"The popular, gorgeous, somehow blonde-hair-blue-eyed, British-Italian girl?"

 

"That's the one," the reply came out snipped with impatience.

 

"I just can't imagine you two hanging out," Tori said honestly, rolling her head over to look at the other girl.

 

"You are aware that as someone who's high up on the social hierarchy has to keep company with the same kind of people, aren't you? Besides, she tells the dirtiest jokes ever when she's drunk."

 

The house was bigger than most of the ones surrounding it, but just as bohemian with it's red walls and dark roof. There were multiple cars in front of it and across the street, though Tori heard nothing from inside as they approached the house and waited for the boys to catch up.

 

"I don't really drink," Tori admitted, hand pushing her hair back behind her ear nervously.

 

"Shocking."

 

A suspicion that she would be rolling her eyes a lot that evening dawned on Tori as she fixed the other girl with a semi-exasperated look. "So I probably won't be drinking much tonight."

 

A slow smile spread across Jade's lips and her studded eyebrow twitched. "We'll see," the words left the other girl's mouth as a raspy promise, and though she barely had an inch on Tori, she seemed to tower over her at that moment.

 

"Uh-oh." Tori jumped as the boys from the store approached them, each clutching their own bag. "That look means trouble," the blonde boy winked at Tori before continuing, "better watch out."

 

"I can handle Jade," Tori recovered, "I've had practice."

 

"Tori, Noah. Noah, Tori." Jade breathed the words out as if speaking to them was barely worth her time. She pointed at the dark haired boy with a black polished fingernail. "Tori, Mike. Mike, Tori."

 

Noah adjusted the slouching beanie that was resting on his blonde hair. "Nice to officially meet you, Tori." He stepped around the two girls and pushed open the front door of the house. "Shall we?"

 

They were lead through the house as Noah followed the sound of the music that got louder and louder the further they walked, until they were pushing a door open to reveal a set of steep stairs and an old rock song that Tori vaguely recognized as something by The Doors. The basement was unfinished, but large and open and filled with people Tori didn't recognize. Most were converging by the pool table to the right, but at a solitary blonde sat at a dining table across the room, the phone in her hands plugged into the wall behind her.

 

The volume of the music dipped upon their entrance when the blonde's electric blue eyes looked up from whatever message she was sending and spotted them. "About time. You know I can't play anything without a drink."

 

Noah took a seat next to the girl, kissing her cheek as he pulled out a bottle of rum. "Pour vous. Jade brought a friend."

 

Lia smiled up at Tori, her teeth disturbingly white. "Tori Vega."

 

"I didn't know you knew each other," Jade commented, her voice dripping with disdain at the fake formality she gave. She took a seat opposite of Lia, and Tori followed Jade.

 

"We're in the same Physics class," Tori clarified, giving Lia a smile so she could avoid looking at the dark haired Mike who had taken a seat across from her. Something about his silence had been off-putting, and his gaze rarely left Jade, who in turn was acting as if he wasn't there, something Tori knew first hand that Jade had practice with.

 

"Okay, enough chit chat." Jade's voice was like a whip and her eyes dared anyone to defy her. She twisted the cap off the bottle she held and poured the clear liquid into a shot glass. "Speed quarters. Now. Tori and Noah can start."

 

* * *

 

The first thing Tori recognized wasn't that she was in an unfamiliar bed, nor that she wasn't wearing the same clothes she had left her house in the previous night, but the fact that she felt like  _shit_. Her stomach turned as her eyes opened, even though she could tell that it was empty. She quickly clamped her hand over her eyes in a vain attempt to stop the room from spinning around her.

 

"Oh, good," a droll voice caused the fingers in front of her eyes to part. Jade looked pale as she stepped into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, but she was definitely faring better than Tori herself. She smirked at the Latina and ran the towel she was holding through her dampened hair. "You're up."

 

"Where are we?" Tori asked when her eyes took in the stark room behind Jade's body, her tongue thick with sleep. "There's no way your room is this white."

 

Jade eased herself back down to the bed, her towel turning into a pillow. "We're at my dad's. I don't actually have a room here."

 

Something clicked with Tori at the mention of their location. "I threw up in the kitchen sink."

 

Tori didn't have to look to see; she could hear the smile in Jade's voice when the other girl responded. "You sure did." Tori groaned and Jade continued, "Don't worry, he wasn't here. He and his wife are in Hawaii for the week." She sat up suddenly, jarring the bed and Tori dared to remove the hand covering her eyes as other girl patted her shin. "Now get out of my house."

 

The thought of facing Trina made Tori wince until another thought hit her. "I can't go home like this, my parents will kill me."

 

Jade let out sigh and she looked at her nails. "Fine, you can stay. But you're gonna have to be less useless and make me breakfast."

 

Tori sat up slowly. "Can I shower first?"

 

"No."

 

* * *

 

"Does this feeling ever go away?"

 

"In my experience, yes, but you're pretty much stuck with it for at least the day."

 

"It's weird that you're a happy drunk. Like, very weird. Like, I thought for sure you would be a somehow more mean person while drunk."

 

"People annoy me less when I'm not sober."

 

"Your cheeks were all red, it was kind of adorable."

 

"And here I thought I was always precious."

 

"What am I like when I'm drunk?"

 

"Dumb."

 

"Gee, thanks."

 

"Fine. You were… I don't know, quiet? You usually never shut up, so it's weird."

 

"And I'm a lightweight."

 

"Yeah, you should probably stick to nursing some coolers or something more befitting your sensitive stomach."

 

"I don't think there's gonna be a next time. Don't think I'm suited to it."

 

"That's too bad."

 

"It is, huh? Because you liked hanging out with me? Are you finally admitting that we're obviously friends? Yeah, you are. Don't even say another word, I have my answer."

 

"…I just mean… you're a lot easier to not hate when you stop rubbing your personality in someone's face."

 

"Well… thank you?"

 

"Don't mention it. Seriously. Vega. We're not BFFs, you're just slightly less annoying."

 

"I'll take it."

 

* * *

 

When Tori woke up the next day, her hangover had thankfully almost completely left her. Jade was already awake next to her and staring at the roof, like she wasn't moving so she wouldn't wake the girl next to her up, and Tori was granted a few brief moments of getting to see Jade without being noticed. Her eyes were very much blue that day, the sun-brightened white walls reflecting in them. They closed as a yawn overtook the pale girl, and when they opened again they caught sight of Tori.

 

" _And she just looked so… so pretty and sweet,"_  André's voice echoed in her head and she knew then what he had meant, how nice it was to catch Jade unaware, barriers down.

 

A weird quiet filled the room as Jade's head rolled to the side to look at Tori, their equally curious eyes locked as they took each other in. Tori couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips as she spoke, breaking the silence.

 

"Can you believe we haven't killed each other yet?"

 

Jade gave a small laugh and turned back to look at the ceiling. "We've done the impossible."

 

When Tori finally did return to her house, it was two days after she left it and she was in desperate need of a change of clothes and her toothbrush. But it was still a short-lived visit to say the least. It only took an hour and a half of Trina trying to hit the high notes in "My Heart Will Go On" before she cracked and picked up her phone, ignoring the messages undoubtedly left by André to text the last number she called.

_"Hey, what's up?"_

* * *

 

It turned out that she wasn't the only one who was worse for wear after the other night. When they got to Mike's they were greeted by Lia, who was being dropped off by her older sister and whose hangover was clearly still eating away at her.

 

"I was smashed. I couldn't make it upstairs until the sun went down today. Too bright." Tori decided, with a clear head, that she liked Lia and loved her accent. And she was thoroughly confused as to why Lia would like Jade. They mostly just exchanged snarky remarks that were directed at other people.

 

The smell hit her when the front door was opened, a heavy sweetness that any Californian teenager recognized no matter how naïve. Mike hovered over the bong as Noah held the lighter over the bowl; the latter's eyes seem even brighter with red peaks in the corners of them.

 

"Hola, chicas," he greeted casually while Mike remained as quiet as ever; blowing out the smoke he was holding in behind his shoulder. "I'm glad you brought Tori again, West. Though, why she hangs out with you is beyond me."

 

Tori smiled and took a seat next to the blonde boy after Jade had slid in next to Mike. She decided she liked Noah, too. "I'm surprised she's letting me, to be honest."

 

"Am I not known for my generous soul and winning personality?" Jade asked as she snatched the lighter away from Noah. "I thought gay guys loved bitchy girls."

 

"Only if they have the wardrobe to match."

 

It was weird watching Jade interact with people outside of the regular group, to think that she had a social life away from them despite being, well,  _Jade_. But she was at ease with the people around her and with the illicitness of doing something illegal, all while allowing Tori to see. She wondered if she should feel special, getting to see another side of Jade.

 

She was caught staring and in return received an arched eyebrow and a mischievous smile. "Vega," Jade's voice rasped after she breathed out the smoke.

 

"West." It was an immediate reply; one that Tori didn't have to think about while Jade held her eyeline at her across the coffee table.

 

"Stop eye-fucking me."

 

She scoffed but couldn't think of a reply before Noah's arms slid around her waist and pulled her close. "Oh, Jade," he laughed, "I'm glad to see you're as charming with your other friends as you are with us."

 

Tori realized then that Noah had only mirrored the image of the couple across from them, Mike's arms fitting weirdly around Jade's form when he so clearly wasn't Beck. The Latina had almost wished that Noah was straight so she could make out with him; to do anything to shock Jade, to remind her of her presence and of the friends she didn't seem to miss.

 

"It is kind of a relief. Here I thought you were just awful around us," Lia said, having returned from the bathroom to sit next to Tori, her hand snatching the glass sculpture away from Jade as she did. "Don't feel like you have to, Tori. Do whatever."

 

Jade's eyes seemed steely through the hazy smoke that was blown between her and Tori, and Tori felt nervous for a long minute that her semi-friendship with Jade was about to crash down around her. But Jade held her tongue if she had anything to say, and sank back further into Mike's arms.

 

A half hour later left Tori feeling lightheaded from the smoke that filled the room. She had been entranced at the mixture of lights that were strung across the far wall. Red chili peppers, the pretty white Christmas ones that were supposed to resemble icicles, little yellow happy face lights. She enjoyed the light wall. So much so that she hadn't noticed Jade and Mike getting up until she was watching Jade's grey shirt disappear down the hallway.

 

A weird sense of betrayal overcame Tori as she watched Jade walk away. She liked Lia and Noah, but the fun of their last few nights had been seeing a different side of the girl who had been so polarizing to her throughout the year, which was something she definitely could not do when Jade was not in the room. She wanted to rebel again, even if Jade wasn't there to see it. "Okay, give me that thing. You guys have to do the… lighting and stuff because I don't know how it works."

 

They kept telling her to breathe and she held it down best she could until Lia pulled the bowl out and all the smoke shot into her at once. It affected Tori immediately, making her world pulsate, making her cough at the same time she felt like she was gasping for breath. There were laughs around her, congratulations from Noah for doing so well, and then Lia's arm slipped around her back. It registered that they were asking about her well-being and she found herself trying to pull it together to nod seriously and ask where the bathroom was. The information registering with some part of her, she hoisted herself from the couch and headed in what she hoped was the right direction. To Tori it seemed like her movements were jerky, as if she were a marionette being controlled from above.

 

She smacked her hand over all the light switches she saw on her way into the bathroom, to the point where she left a literal trail behind her. The sound of a bathroom fan whirring sent her plowing through the door until she saw her reflection in the mirror as she leaned over the sink. Tori literally looked like a gaping fish as she breathed, and it felt to her as if the air was refusing go down into her lungs. The Latina clumsily fumbled with the taps until she got the cold water running across her fingertips, which she promptly brought up to her flushed neck in an attempt to cool herself down. She shivered as the beads of water slipped down her tan skin and collected at the collar of her shirt but pressed her cool hands to her flushed cheeks. Tori had always been the kind of person who seemed ten degrees hotter than everyone else. " _Warm hands, cold heart,"_ she remembered Jade sneering once.

 

The whirring of the fan stopped and the door closed behind Tori. She looked up in the mirror to see Jade, with her smokey eyes and lilac streaks and turned immediately, reaching out for the other girl and the only familiarity she had at the moment.

 

"Well, hey there," came the too-sultry voice as Tori's warm forehead pressed against Jade's cool one. "You went rogue, I see."

 

"It's fun but I feel like… there's no air." Tori's eyes opened and she reached up to press her thumb to the small pink smudge coming off Jade's full bottom lip. "Sorry."

 

"You're so stoned," Jade chuckled, the words ghosting over Tori's cheek as the Latina leaned in to hug the other girl. "Come on, let's go sit down."

 

Every other moment seemed to catch her attention, leaving her feeling like she was missing something with the small gaps in between. It became clear to her, when they walked back into the den amidst a chorus of laughter, that Jade must have been feeling as spaced out as her if she willingly had her arms around Tori. She had to remember that the people that surrounded them weren't their usual friends; they got to see Jade like this all the time when she hung out with them. Maybe they received hugs freely from the other girl all the time.

 

They ended up collapsing into a beanbag chair underneath the light wall; Jade doing her best to sit up while her arm was trapped underneath the Latina, and Tori trying to answer the questions thrown at her with a dry mouth. She caught sight of Mike in the corner, his gaze envious and already on her. He didn't look away, so she did. And after she did, she tugged a squirming Jade to rest until the raven-haired girl sighed and allowed Tori to place her head on her shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Tori didn't remember falling asleep, but apparently she and everyone else had. The sky was barely pink outside when she was shaken awake, Jade's sleep-rasped voice whispering her last name while a solitary finger pressed into her side, causing her to jerk. They were still in the same position as when they fell onto the soft chair hours before, and Tori wondered if Jade's arm felt as numb as her foot did.

 

"S'matter?" Tori asked as she wiped her eyes.

 

"I wanna see if we can get McDonald's to serve us breakfast."

 

"But they start serving that at like five-thirty... what time is it?"

 

"Just get up."

 

It took some wriggling to sit up from the chair and Tori's shin banged into the coffee table more than once as she readjusted to the world. It wasn't bright when Tori stepped outside but it was cold, the air moist with a light morning fog. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been up at this time, but she enjoyed the calm feeling of the world before it woke up. They sat in the car for a minute with heat cranked up and defrost on, neither speaking, not even while they drove.

 

Jade ended up bullying the workers at the McDonalds into serving them breakfast an hour early and the two of them ate their spoils in the parking lot, heat now leveled out and music on low.

 

"I don't get why they don't just serve breakfast all day," Tori stated, only half her Bacon and Egg McMuffin left in her hand.

 

Jade shook her head and took a sip of her orange juice before responding, "People are dumb."

 

"They really are."

 

It dawned on Tori that she had never been to Jade's before; they never really hung out, and when they did, Jade or Beck had always been the driver and would drop one another off last. The house was huge, big enough to make Tori wonder whether or not Jade's mother was vicious like her daughter, and took her ex-husband for all he had (the condo they had stayed at the night before was nowhere near as extravagant), or if Jade's mother was strong like her daughter, and was the moneymaker of the family.

 

"God, why do we never hang out here?" Tori asked, low voice booming in the quiet hallways. Even in the dim light she could tell that the house was tastefully decorated with room to spare.

 

"I don't like people in my house," came Jade's snipped reply before stopping abruptly in the middle of the hall, causing Tori to crash into her. The dark haired girl smiled as Tori grimaced at the impact, and then reached out to push open the door that was to her right, revealing a dark room with a comfortable bed.

 

When Tori woke up a second time, she could fully appreciate how Jade-esque the room truly was. From the disturbing jars on shelves above the bed, to the framed programs of the shows she had put on or starred in. But more than just the superficial details were there, and Tori wondered if Jade noticed it herself. The room was large, but felt cozy, the floor to ceiling windows, although draped with thick curtains, let in a lot of sunshine. And the room was meticulously, yet casually organized. It appeared to be divided up in stations: bed, closet, vanity, keyboard, desk, easel, bookshelves, the entrance, and then a corner with a chair that Tori recognized from her Slap page videos with a tripod set in front of it. But each station seemed to bleed into the next as if these areas became about naturally. Or maybe Tori had been overanalyzing things because she still felt high.

 

"I didn't know you painted," she managed through a yawn as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

 

"Hot boys in art, remember?"

 

Tori had almost responded but she stopped for a moment to take in Jade. The easel's back was to the middle of the room (and therefore, to Tori as well), in what Tori could assume was an attempt to utilize the light from the windows that met in the corner of the room where Jade was. She couldn't see what Jade was painting, but she could see Jade, whose face was oddly blank as her hand made precise strokes with the brush across the canvas. Blank and make-up free, dark hair pulled back from her face. Her shirt was a paint splattered white cotton v-neck and she wore black cotton shorts to match.

 

She looked so… weird. Normal was probably the word Tori had been searching for, but her view on normal and Jade seemed so distorted from one another. Her hair was still streaked with purple, her eyebrow studded, gaze tense in concentration despite her calm demeanor. She was still Jade, Tori knew that, but she was as stripped down as Tori had ever seen her as she moved to the desk to mix some colors. The red tones in the wallpaper and the mahogany wall-paneling and furniture brought out the green in her eyes as she looked Tori over.

 

"So you had fun last night?" Jade's smile seemed genuine, even with the teasing undertone she had in her voice.

 

Tori laughed and removed her canvas half-jacket and brought it to her face, the smell of marijuana still heavy on it. "Yeah, it was… might have overdone it for my first time."

 

"I think that's a fair assessment," Jade agreed distractedly as she squeezed out a small amount of white to add to the palette she was holding with her left hand.

 

"Sorry if I… if you had to take care of me… again. If I ruined your night."

 

"It was worth it to learn that you're a big fan of classic showtunes while high." She had returned to the canvas, leaving Tori with the urge to see what she was so desperate paint.

 

Tori stood from the bed on surprisingly steady legs. "' _I am sixteen, going on seventeen, innocent as a rose,'_ " she sang sweetly as she stepped across the plush carpet until she reached the tarp laid down on the floor. "God, we listened to that soundtrack, like, four times. Why?"

 

"I honestly have no idea," the taller girl shook her head and stepped back from the easel as Tori came around to look at the painting. "Like it?"

 

The thing about abstract art was that Tori didn't get it. And she wouldn't have been able to understand Jade's picture unless she had been there herself, looking up at the same thing where the inspiration was taken from. "The light wall," Tori mused, seeing the swirls of color in between the gray take shape to fit her memory.

 

"Yep," it was a murmured rasp that made Tori smile as she looked over at Jade, who in turn stared at the colors on her palette. Tori tried to think of something to say, about their sudden friendship, at Jade's whole other group of acquaintances, of the boy Jade walked away from to rescue her in the bathroom, and the apparent occasional drug use, but she had come up blank. And Jade… was as hard to read as ever.

 

The door opened suddenly and caused both girls to start as a blonde woman with Jade's kaleidoscope eyes walked in, staring at her phone. "Jade, is your brother in Santa Barbara until today or tomorrow?"

 

"We have explicit rules about knocking." Jade's voice rose until the last word was yelled and her mother sighed in return, looking up for the first time and blinking in surprise at the sight of Tori.

 

"I wasn't aware that you had a friend over. Or that you had friends." Jade's mom stepped towards them, the way she spoke so similar to her daughter that Tori was taken back for a moment. The key difference was the warm smile that remained on the older woman's lips. "It's nice to meet you…"

 

"Tori. Vega. Tori Vega," she fumbled when it appeared that Jade didn't seem to care if her mother received an answer at all. "I go to school with Jade."

 

"Ah, well, it's so nice to meet you, surprisingly-normal Tori. I always figured that if I met one of Jade's friends, I would be terrified of them. But, I guess Beck was pretty normal too, she was lucky-"

 

"Stop." Just as if she had been talking to Cat. Her mother stopped, though instead of looking chastised, she laughed quietly. "He comes home tomorrow."

 

"Thank you. Have you seen my phone charger?"

 

"Counter."

 

"Thank you, dear. Tori, honey, it was nice to meet you." The blonde woman and her familiar eyes leaned in close to her so her whisper could be heard. "You might want to wash your clothes before you head home."

 

Jade waited until her mother left the room before snorting quietly to herself, but Tori smacked her arm anyway. "Oh my god, your mom probably hates me."

 

"Please, she's thrilled you're not being held against your will."

 

"She'll think I'm a stoner." Tori pouted and leaned back against the L-shaped desk behind her.

 

"My mom's kind of… just there. She just gives me the 'just don't end up on  _16 and Pregnant_ ' look." Jade shrugged and filled in more of the canvas with the hazy purple-y gray she had on her brush. "She's an idiot."

 

"She seems nice," Tori retorted, almost defensively. "Like you this week."

 

"Must be a leap year," Jade muttered, eyes fixed in front of her.

 

"Seriously, what's with you being Jade Lite with them? It's so-"

 

"Maybe I just like them more," Jade hissed abruptly, turning to Tori like she was about to attack. "If you're gonna stay, you can't talk while I'm working. Go bathe or something."

 

* * *

 

"Girl, I have been getting your voicemail all week."

 

"Sorry, I've just been busy." Jade had permitted Tori to speak while she worked on a video for her production class, editing the sound with her headphones on. Still, Tori whispered.

 

"You called me every hour for, like, four days, and then ignored me for three. What happened? Did you put Trina in the hospital? Are you calling me from jail right now? I can't believe your parents won't put up your bail, you'd think out of everyone, they'd understand why-"

 

"André!" Tori clapped her hand over her mouth when Jade sent her a withering look from across the room. She mouthed a quick, ' _I'm sorry,_ ' to the other girl, even though her gaze had already returned back to her laptop screen. "I've been hanging out with Jade. It would have been rude to pick up when you called."

 

"Do you mean you're literally hanging out with Jade? Like, trapped in a serial killer's basement on a meat hook with no other choice, because if not you must be cr-"

 

"Rude."

 

André laughed warmly. "I'm sorry, it's just a little hard to believe."

 

"I know, I just… Trina."

 

"Ah."

 

"And she's been surprisingly… not-evil. It's… you know what it's like to see what Beck obviously got to see. The good parts of Jade." Tori's voice was low as she pressed herself back against Jade's headboard, as if putting a quarter inch less space between them would make it harder for the other girl to hear her. "I guess I get it now. I mean, she's pretty, but the fact that he was so nice was weird."

 

"Let me give you some advice, get yourself a new girl crush."

 

"It is not a girl crush."

 

"Then experiment with someone who's less likely to use that information against you."

 

"You're disgusting. I'm not looking to experiment. It's just… nice to get to know her after all this time."

 

"Yeah, yeah. Pics or it didn't happen, kid."

 

"Goodbye."

 

Jade glanced over when she noticed Tori had hung up and removed her headphones. "How's Mr. Harris? Does he have a spring break beau yet?"

 

Tori laughed and crossed her leg on the bed, feeling out of place in a pair of sweatpants and a shirt borrowed from Jade, both of which probably looked better on her more filled out form. "He did not say, so I'm gonna assume-"

 

"No," they both finished.

 

"So, what are we doing tonight?" Tori asked as she stretched her feet out in front of her and reached for her toes.

 

"I didn't realize we planned our nights together now," Jade drawled and she leaned her chair back, resting her feet on her desk.

 

"Well, I just mean since, you know, it's Friday and I'm here and you-"

 

"They're calling for rain tonight," the blue-eyed girl interjected, standing suddenly to walk over to her closet and dig around for jeans and her Converses. "So hopefully that weed smell comes out of your jacket before we leave."

 

* * *

 

It turned out that they were all fans of driving around in the rain and listening to depressing music, though Tori would have been willing to bet that Jade was the only one who actually did it on a regular basis. Still, her suggestion of Lana Del Rey fit their needs but the rain had refused to fall, which left them circling around familiar neighborhoods and waiting for the first drop. Even though there were enough seats for them, the small two-door car had the girls in the back crammed together and Tori was glad that it wasn't the Jade she was used to who she was squished against.

 

When Tori began to look at Jade as a friend she just met, New Jade didn't seem so weird. Her easy smiles were just sultry, not a condescending smirk that followed a stinging barb. She could cut someone apart, but didn't direct it at anyone in the car, and when she did, it was clear that it was in jest. Her laughs were easily earned, touches freely given. It made Tori feel jealous of these other people she had just met, these friends of Jade who only knew this side of her just because they had been smart enough to frequently sedate her. This was the Jade they knew, not the vengeful and vicious girl that could only be controlled by Beck, and now, by no one.

 

"Did Beck ever hang out with you guys?" Tori asked after a lull in conversation.

 

"We have a strict rule on talking about exes," Lia said seriously from Jade's other side. The blonde turned so her back was to the window, feet stretching out over Jade and Tori's laps. "Which is that we don't talk about them."

 

"Sorry, I just… figured that's how you guys knew Jade."

 

"You think any of us would be friends with Beck Oliver? Really?" Noah laughed as he drove.

 

"Hey!" Jade and Tori protested.

 

"Oh, right. Sorry. I just wouldn't be caught dead. Had a class with the kid. If you took away that pretty hair, I'm pretty sure he'd be about as interesting as beige paint."

 

"I  _did_  exist before Beck, you know," The raven-haired girl huffed. "And, spoiler alert, when he wasn't around, I didn't just power down and wait for him to return. Do you not think I can make my own friends, Tori?" Jade's tone was harsh and familiar, but the barely-there quirk on the corner of her mouth made Tori feel at ease.

 

"I…" Tori smiled sweetly and turned to the other faces in the car, only to find their gazes avoiding her own. "I…"

 

"Miss Tori Vega is speechless? Well, that's a fine 'How do you do!'"

 

"Okay, I seriously do not ta-"

 

"Don't care," Jade interrupted, manicured nails tapping against Lia's knees. "Isn't your house around here?"

 

Tori glanced out the window to try and take note of their surroundings. "I think s-"

 

"Drop us off up here, Mr. Colburn. Vega and I are retiring for the evening."

 

"Boring," Lia whined as she slid into the proper position to allow the girls out. "You're both dreadfully boring."

 

"Hear that, Tori? You're dreadfully boring." Jade's smirk had returned as she pushed past Tori to exit the car when Mike had moved the seat to let them out.

 

"Your… face," Tori replied as heatedly as she could with such a lame comeback. Noah guffawed rom the driver's seat and Mike even cracked a smile as he held his hand out to help Tori.

 

"You know, you should really give up this whole singing and acting thing and stick to something better suited to your intellect." Jade's hand had captured Tori's wrist and the Latina found herself being dragged away before she could formulate a reply. "Bonne nuit, people."

 

Tori turned and offered the car a wave before it sped off. "Why'd you wanna duck out so early?" she asked when Jade had finally slowed down and let go of her wrist.

 

"Because," Jade started as she tugged on the collar of her shirt to look down and reached into her bra to reveal a joint, "I don't like to share." She placed it in her mouth while her hands worked on digging a lighter out of her skin-tight jeans.

 

"And here I thought you just planned on killing me close to my place so they wouldn't have to look so hard for the body."

 

"Please, they'd never find you if it was up to me." Jade took a hit and passed it to Tori. "Give me some credit, Vega."

 

Tori laughed quietly and the next block they walked was in silence, the joint passed between, their coughs and the sound of distant cars the only thing interrupting the quiet Los Angeles night. It was only when they spotted Tori's house that rain began to fall, thunder booming in the distance.

 

"Great," Tori mumbled as the soft smattering of raindrops began to leave tiny dots on her jacket.

 

"I love walking in the rain."

 

"Of course you do."

 

"Listen," Jade tossed the small nub that remained of her joint on the street, "if it's good enough for Gene Kelly, it's good enough for me."

 

"Oh, so you don't just walk, you sing?" Tori asked bemusedly, the high that was coursing through her leaving her with a feeling that she couldn't explain. It wasn't like her first time where she jumped in without looking, it was heavy and warm and the world seemed calmer rather than so enhanced she couldn't focus.

 

" _I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain_ ," Jade's voice was sweet even as she looked ready to burst into laughter. She grabbed Tori's hand and made her spin around, " _What a glorious feelin', I'm happy again_."

 

" _I'm laughin at clouds, so dark above_ ," Tori joined after her spin, pulling Jade in close to dance with her. Jade laughed quietly in return, a rare genuine smile on her face.

 

" _The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love_ ," the dark haired girl murmured, eyes closed and forehead pressed against Tori's. The rain began to pick up, the tiny droplets becoming larger and larger, but they remained swaying softly on the sidewalk.

 

She didn't remember who closed the gap, but Tori's lips were pressed against Jade's and Jade was pressing back softly. It seemed too cliché, kissing in the rain, but Tori didn't want to stop for fear of what would happen when they split. She didn't want to stop because she liked kissing Jade. It had been Jade who finally broke away, jerking suddenly as a loud clap of thunder echoed across the sky. Tori's mind blanked as she tried to comprehend what had just occurred, her lips tingling and warm despite the cool rain that was soaking through her clothes and making her shiver. She grabbed Jade's hand without a word and jogged towards her house, not stopping until she pushed open the door.

 

"What happened to you?" Trina asked from the kitchen, her face scrunched up as she took in the sight of the two dripping girls. Tori's mom immediately set down the bowl she was holding and rushed off to get towels.

 

"Rain," Tori mumbled as she accepted the towel from her mom.

 

"Come on, Jade, we'll throw your clothes in the dryer and get you in something dry," her mother said and Jade remained silent as she followed the older woman through the house and up the stairs.

 

Tori watched them go, trying to catch Jade's eye, but failing. She sighed and brushed off Trina's questions about why she had been out in the rain with Jade of all people, and headed towards the laundry room to change her clothes. She took her time as she leaned back against the dryer and ran the towel through her hair, trying to make sense of what had happened through her still foggy brain. Had she liked kissing Jade? Considering the fact that it was mutually started, she had to assume that Jade had wanted to kiss her. But Tori had never wanted to kiss Jade, or any other girl for that matter. Jade was always crass and callous in her mind. But only ten minutes had past since she had been singing showtunes and laughing with Tori.

 

"I think Jade's done in the bathroom if you wanted to hop in the shower." Her mother had nearly given her a heart attack with her arrival, but she didn't seem to have noticed. She was preoccupied with tossing their wet clothes in the dryer and Tori was too afraid she'd say something, so she left quickly and bolted through the living room to avoid her sister.

 

But when she reached her door, she hesitated. Half of her was hoping that Jade was already asleep and they could forget this happened. But when she pushed the door open and saw Jade still up, a sense of relief flooded over her. She seemed smaller somehow, with one of Tori's yellow shirts on and her make up washed from her face.

 

Jade didn't respond to Tori's entrance, nor did she respond when Tori moved her way into her room and sat next to her at the top of the bed. Both were quiet; Jade disturbingly still while Tori couldn't stop fidgeting. She dared to glance at the blue-eyed girl, to turn on the bed so she could look at her, clearing her throat in an attempt to break the silence. It only earned her a small reaction – Jade jutting her chin to the side so she could look away more easily – but Tori thought it had still been bold of her to make the first attempt to speak. When she was rebuffed for that, she decided to kamikaze, swooping in to capture Jade's lips with her own.

 

Tori had definitely been feeling bold that evening.

 

Jade's response was immediate, like she was grateful for Tori allowing her to not talk about their situation, whatever it was. It was still softer than Tori had expected, even as the kisses got deeper. Jade leaned over her until Tori was flat on her back, her body settling over the brunette's softly. Tori was used to the hard angles of the boys she had made out with, all taut muscles and the too-hard pressure of their mouth trying to suck her bottom lip down their throat in a misguided attempt to be sexy.

 

But Jade was smarter, her tongue teasing and light, her hand soft as it took care to glance from spot to spot; tangling in Tori's hair one moment then sliding down to her hipbone the next. Goosebumps pebbled across Tori's skin at each touch with Jade's cool hand and Tori's flushed body. She wanted  _more_  and of what she couldn't say. Every one of Jade's nuances just felt right; the way she would methodically slide her thumb across Tori's hipbone, the way her chest pressed against Tori's, the flavor of her lips on Tori's searching tongue. She was so, so, so unlike the Jade she knew a week ago. She was gentle and yielding and soft. She didn't take, she asked. But Tori  _wanted_ , so she took it.

 

She felt a certain pride when Jade let her casually flip them over, relinquishing any control she had on the situation. Her hands slid around Tori's back and kept them close, but her head was lifting off the pillow to meet Tori's lips, almost desperately. Tori tilted her forehead, keeping her mouth out of the reach of Jade's. She opened her eyes slowly to see Jade's closed so tightly, she heard the desperate pants of breath against her lips, and felt the clenched hands twisting her shirt. It was like Jade was in pain and it stopped Tori cold.

 

"Jade… we should-"

 

"Shut up." Tori jumped slightly as Jade's bright eyes snapped open, interrupting her more than the command. "Just… tomorrow. We'll… talk or whatever. So just… shut up." Her eyes seemed conflicted as they ignored Tori's gaze above them, her words a begrudging whisper.

 

"Okay," Tori said quietly, leaning down to press her lips to Jade's cheek, then down to her jaw.

 

"Okay." Her hands loosened their hold Tori's shirt as her body relaxed underneath the Latina, one sliding under to rest on Tori's back and the other sliding through her hair. And when Tori found a spot on her neck that made her shiver, she tugged the other girl's hair softly until she relented and met Jade's lips again after she muttered out another, "Okay."


	2. Part Two

Tori wasn't surprised she woke up alone, but it still disappointed her. She fell asleep to the smell of Jade's hair, at the sound of her soft breathing, but when she looked around her room there was no trace of the other girl. She sighed and threw her hair up in a ponytail before making her way down to the sound of breakfast being made in the kitchen.

 

"Can we make them now?" Trina's whine was the first thing Tori heard and it made her roll her eyes. It was never a great way to start the day.

 

"I told you, no," came the snapped reply from a familiar aggravated voice. Tori tried to remain cool and collected as she made her way down the stairs, but she couldn't stop the smile that broke through at the sight of Jade still in her house, leaning against the refrigerator door. "It's better if you put the batter in the fridge for a little while."

 

"You're still here," Tori managed, unable to hide the relief in her voice.

 

Jade glanced past Trina's shoulder. "So it would seem."

 

"She said she'd make waffles," Trina interjected.

 

"I'm just surprised you stayed," Tori said as she pushed her sister's face out of her line of vision.

 

"I'm surprised she did too," Tori's mom said as she walked through the kitchen to the living room with a laundry basket. "I told her you sleep in. She's already showered and she's making breakfast."

 

"Someone could have woken me up."

 

"I tried to," Jade responded as she pulled the bowl of batter out of the fridge and set it next to the waffle maker. "You took a swing at me."

 

"Okay, I did not-"

 

"Oh, honey. You've been doing that since you were eight." Her mother dropped her neatly folded clothes from the previous evening into her arms. "It's why I never come into your room when I wake you up. You've got a mean right hook."

 

It was hours before they could talk, before Tori's mom left to have a late lunch with her friends, before Trina went off to stalk some guy at the mall, before Tori's dad left for his shift. It felt weird enough for them to talk about it without fear of someone overhearing them, so they waited patiently. When they were finally alone in the blissfully empty house, they made their way out onto the deck, sitting on the edge of her Jacuzzi and dipping their feet in.

 

"So," Tori started before stopping herself when she realized she didn't know what she could possibly say to the other girl. The silence had just gotten to be too much.

 

"So," Jade parroted with a nonchalance that Tori envied.

 

"I… don't know what it all means," she said honestly running a hand through her hair.

 

"I hope you know what it doesn't mean," Jade replied with an edge in her voice that made Tori feel defeated before the battle even began.

 

"It's not like I expect us to skip down the hallways at school holding hands, but it's not like anyone would care. It's an arts school in Calif-"

 

"So you think we should go steady now?" Jade snapped, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the edge of the hot tub.

 

"Well, I don't know-"

 

"Because we would make such a Hallmark couple, right?" Jade was looking at her with an incredulous, humorless smile. "Because we made out, so that obviously means I have to make an honest woman out of you for a few weeks until we end up on an episode of  _Cops_."

 

It seemed that Jade was always the one with something to say, and Tori the one who couldn't meet her eyes. "I… we could…" There was a weight on her chest and it left Tori scrambling for words. "It's never… been like that before. If you were like you have been while we're at school-"

 

"I would get suspended for showing up to school drunk or high. Because that's what I've 'been like' for the last week." Jade sighed and looked off into the view of the valley that Tori's deck featured. "It's been nice not wanting to kill you, Tori, but you know why I haven't bitten your head off."

 

Tori stayed silent for a few minutes, her lungs still feeling deflated. "It's not like… I ever thought…" Tori sighed. She had known Jade was right before she even started talking; they'd probably kill each other. Still. "You kissed me back." More silence followed the statement, Tori's head bowed as she looked down into the bubbling water, and Jade staring off into the distance. When it seemed like Jade was never going to reply, Tori sighed again. "Can we just be honest with each other? Because this whole thing is weird enough."

 

"I honestly don't want to be your little girlfriend," Jade's tense, yet tired, voice replied.

 

"You can't say you were just making out with me because you were high."

 

"It's a perfectly valid reason to blame bad choices on."

 

"Have you done it before?" Tori asked wearily as she finally turned to look at Jade. "Made out with a girl? Is that just what happens when you get high?"

 

Jade's jaw worked back and forth for a minute. "The only person I've ever done anything with is Beck," she said almost begrudgingly.

 

"Then why me?"

 

"I don't know, Tori. Why me? You're the one who kissed  _me_." Jade's eyes were ice blue in the shade from the house and Tori felt a shiver run through her. "Why did  _you_  kiss  _me_ , Tori? I've made it clear that I don't like you and then when I finally start to not hate you, you take it as a message of my undying love for you. Get over yourself."

 

"I just…. it felt right." Tori sat up straighter and looked Jade in the eyes. "And stop making it sound like I… forced this on you, or something. You weren't exactly hard to persuade."

 

Jade's eyes narrowed. "Oh, so I'm easy?"

 

"I'm saying," Tori started, her voice not wavering, "that you wanted it too. And no one would care if-"

 

"I will." Jade shook her head and looked away. "I don't care that you're a girl, you're  _you_. And you're not horribly awful, I guess," she quickly, but reluctantly, followed up when Tori's gaze dropped. "It's just that you and I aren't… that's not gonna happen. So just… get over it."

 

Tori stared at her lap and played with the hem of her shorts. "Okay."

 

"Okay," Jade replied as she crossed her arms over her chest and stared out at the valley. The bubbling of the Jacuzzi was the only sound that came from the hot tub for five minutes until Jade's voice deadpanned, "I'll give you five questions."

 

"What?"

 

"Five more questions that I will answer honestly. For being bearable this week." Tori smiled a little but said nothing in return. "Do you want them or not? Because this is me being nice and it's not going to-"

 

"I'm thinking." Tori already knew what she wanted to ask, but she still had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop the embarrassed smile from taking over her face. "So, did you and Beck do  _everything_  when you were doing things with him?"

 

Jade scoffed and looked away, but Tori could still see the pink tint in her cheeks. "Yes, we… had sex, if that's what you're asking," she finally got out after clearing her throat.

 

Tori couldn't help the snort that escaped her - she had always laughed when she was nervous. "Okay, so you guys did… that. Did you like it?" After her question, Tori gave in and let her smile come through as she raised her eyebrows and nudged Jade's shoulder. She kept a close eye on the color of the other girl's ivory cheeks. She hadn't known that it was in Jade's emotional spectrum to be embarrassed.

 

"You're such a pervert," Jade muttered, but her cheeks betrayed her again. "It was… fine," she said dismissively. "Wasn't all it was cracked up to be, but whatever. It was fine."

 

"Wow, what a glowing review of Beck in bed," the Latina teased. "I wonder how many more questions I should spend on this subject. It's pretty juicy."

 

A smirk overtook Jade's face, making her look more familiar than she had all day. She glanced over and made brief eye contact with Tori for a before shrugging again and letting out a bored noise. "You  _may_  be interested to know when our first time was."

 

"Hmm…" Tori thought about it for a second and then raised her eyebrows as she came to her decision. "Alright, I'll bite."

 

Her response earned a laugh from Jade, an amused smile on her face. "Remember that time you helped me bring that dog to his trailer…" her voice trailed off into, words raspy as they died on her lips.

 

"Oh, ew." Tori blanched. "I was probably like a block away since you made me walk home. Ew."

 

"You said to do something nice for him!" Jade's voice almost seemed defensive, but another laugh slipped passed her lips. "And that was the nicest thing I could think to do after the dog thing blew up in my face."

 

"Well, I guess that's pretty generous." It was weird how normal this conversation was, when Tori thought about it. Like they were just normal friends, talking about Jade's ex. "Two left."

 

"Congratulations on passing math in kindergarten."

 

"Do you regret it?" Tori asked softly. "Now that you guys are broken up?"

 

Jade's eyes squinted as she looked up at the sky. "Not really. There's no reason to regret something like that if it felt right at the time." Another shrug. "Besides, we'd known each other forever. Better that than some guy you've known for a week."

 

Tori smiled; Beck probably would have said the same thing, though she was sure that he probably would have said it in a nicer way. She didn't have to think about her last question; it had been on her mind since Jade's willing participation the previous night. "How long have you wanted to kiss me?"

 

The corner of Jade's mouth twitched like she was fighting back a smile. "I thought about it maybe once or twice since you've been to the school," she admitted with her trademark eye roll.

 

"Nuh-uh, if this is my last question then I want specifics. Spill it."

 

"You're such a baby. Fine." Jade took a deep breath and then continued like she was already bored with the subject matter, "The first time was when we were practicing André's Christmas song. It was right before we were gonna perform it and Cat had bounced off to do whatever Cat does, but we were ready and in costume. And you were standing in front of me practicing the choreography by yourself and I just thought, "Not bad.'"

 

"'Not bad?'"

 

"That's all you're getting from me, so suck it up."

 

"Oh, come on-" Tori's whine had been cut short by the other girl.

 

"Sorry, Victoria. You're out of questions. Thank you so much for playing." Jade's head rolled back over to offer a condescending smile.

 

Tori scoffed good-heartedly, but smiled when she looked back at Jade. "So, do you wanna ask me five questions now?" She raised her eyebrows and nudged Jade's arm. "All my dark secrets, up for grabs."

 

"Meh." Jade leaned back and closed her eyes completely. "I don't really care about your life that much."

 

"There's not one thing you want to ask me? At all? You don't wanna know what I've done with any of the guys I've dated?" Tori continued to nudge her shoulder against Jade's with each question.

 

"Oh, please. I know you haven't done anything all that interesting."

 

"And how do you know that?"

 

"Because you're…" she seemed to be stuck finding the right word so Tori had nudged her again, earning her a reluctant, "you."

 

"I'll have you know that I have a perfectly healthy sense of… curiosity," Tori winced at her own word choice and managed to force out, "when it comes to sex."

 

"Oh, I'm sure there's plenty going on in that perv head of yours," Jade replied as she brushed out her hair with her hand. "But there's no way you did it with one of the losers you've picked out."

 

Tori let out a semi-dramatic mournful sigh. "You're right. I probably would have, though. If any of them had asked."

 

"Slut."

 

Tori reached down to brush her fingertips over the water and then flicked droplets at Jade's face. "Shut up. I was with Danny – sorry,  _Daniel_ – for a while."

 

"Well then go jump his bones."

 

"Nah, not a fan of guys with earrings or plugs or whatever. He did not have those when we dated."

 

"Ugh, I know." Jade rolled her shoulders back. "So not attractive."

 

"It's so weird that we're talking like this."

 

"So,  _so_  weird."

 

Tori smiled at the other girl, though it faded quickly. "So what happens at school on Monday?"

 

"Well," Jade began in a voice that already made Tori feel dejected, "I'm going to be Jade, you're going to be Tori, and we're just gonna keep on keepin' on."

 

"So you're just gonna go back to hating me and I have to pretend like we never made out while you do that?" A dull ache had begun to throb at Tori's temples, a result of the tenseness that had overcome her body.

 

Jade scoffed and kicked her feet in the tub. "I never hated you."

 

"No, I'm pretty sure you did. I could probably get classrooms full of people to vouch for me too. And god knows that I'm sure that none of them would understand why you do hate me, since I can't figure it out myself." Her jaw clenched and unclenched when she took breath. "So, why do you hate me anyway? Or can I not ask that because I've used up my questions?"

 

"I hated that you walked in like you owned the place your first day," Jade snapped. "I hated that you got into this school on a whim, while I spent a year getting a portfolio together and practicing my audition, just to be  _considered_. I hated that people were tripping over themselves to do your bidding like you were Cleo-fucking-patra." She paused and took in a much-needed breath, apparently giving herself a second to cool down before continuing, "You just kept making me not like you, but I never hated you. I respected your talent enough, even if I thought mine was better and was just being overshadowed because you were the new girl."

 

"Well… thank you for not holding back?"

 

"I calls 'em like I sees 'em," Jade drawled as her smarmy look returned, leaving Tori with a nearly uncontrollable urge to kiss her again. She shook her head and thought back to André and how her attempts to dissuade him had backfired. She really didn't get it then, but she understood it now. She wanted to kiss Jade, and she didn't even care if it was just to earn some approval from the other girl. Tori supposed that probably wasn't the best way to start a relationship with someone, but if Jade was able to stick to Jade Lite, she thought it could work. When she said as much, Jade shook her head and gave an exasperated sigh. "Just stop."

 

Tori lifted her feet from the water and spun around so she could hop off the Jacuzzi. She enjoyed the feeling of the wind blowing across her damp legs and cooling her off.

 

"We still have tonight," Jade said with a reluctant huff of breath. "I know André doesn't get back until tomorrow, so… whatever."

 

A smile spread across Tori's lips as she admitted softly, "I'd like that."

 

"But you have to promise you're not gonna tell… anyone about this." Jade pointed an accusatory finger at her. "And I know to you that means not telling anyone but André, but I don't want him blurting it out to everyone when he gets stressed out or mad or something. Promise. Me."

 

"I promise," Tori said warily as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. She knew Jade was staring at her, that oh-so-intimidating look in her eye; a glimpse of old Jade that would muddle her view of the new.

 

"I'll text Lia, then-"

 

"I'll call her," Tori said, trying to keep her face devoid of emotion. "I like talking to Lia. Who doesn't have a thing for British accents?"

 

Even in her peripheral, Tori could see Jade's smile tighten. "Well," Jade began, her Judy Garland voice making Tori's own look tense, "isn't that just grand? Tori Vega found a friend."

 

* * *

 

The windows of Lia's house rattled slightly when they arrived, but it in no way had prepared Tori for the club scene in the basement. Some of the theatre tech kids had set up the lights while one of the music students stood in as a DJ in the corner; her station tight, but enough with its small turntable. And, thankfully, she had been good, moving her hands around her mix board expertly as her eyes focused on her laptop screen.

 

"Total plus side to going to our school; the parties are always top-notch," Lia laughed as she unbuttoned the top few buttons on Tori's plaid shirt, smiling at as the white tank top appeared purple in the black lights that were set up around the room. "And someone here will be able to get you whatever your heart desires." She pressed a pill in Tori's hand, small and red with cherries imprinted on the front side. It looked like a candy. Everyone around her had been discussing which way hit you the hardest while Tori chewed her lip and debated whether or not she was going to take it at all. Out of nowhere, two strong arms wrapped around her waist and she smiled as Noah held his own pill out in front of him.

 

"It'll get you harder if you hold it under you tongue, but I usually just swallow it and hit the floor. Helps keep you from feeling weird if you're moving. Dance with me?" She laughed and nodded, allowing the blonde boy to lead her to the middle of the 'dance floor' after they swallowed the pill. She felt safer doing it with Noah than she would have with Jade, whose mood swings could be volatile at best when she wasn't on something.

 

Noah was a good dancer and he made her feel at ease with his warm smile and baby blue eyes. His arms stayed around her in some way for most of the night until Lia appeared behind them, one hand flying up to Noah's shoulder and the other one on Tori's waist, pressing her front to Tori's back and kissing her cheek.

 

"I'm glad you came," she shouted over the music, twisting Tori around and pressing her into Noah as she grabbed the Latina's hands. "Having fun?"

 

Tori laughed, holding their joined hands over their heads as they moved and admiring the several pieces of glowing jewelry the blonde had managed to acquire. "I think I'd be freaking out if it wasn't for Noah." The lights were swirling and every beat of the music seemed to make the air around her vibrate. When she danced with Noah, she could close her eyes and not worry about it.

 

"He's my second most favorite gay in the world," Lia agreed, reaching into her pocket to hand them each a piece of gum. "It'll help with the teeth grinding a bit."

 

"Wait, wait, wait.  _I'm_  not your most favorite gay?" Noah couldn't really pull off being offended while his head bounced to the beat of the remixed Rihanna song.

 

"Portia de Rossi. Us imports have to stick together after all."

 

"Ah."

 

"I'll see you guys later, I need to fetch my own dance partner." Lia took two of her glowstick necklaces off and put one over Noah's head and the other around Tori's after kissing her cheek one more time. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, love."

 

She didn't notice the time going by until she caught sight of Noah's over-sized watch as he waved to Lia's disappearing form. "It's been like an hour an half!" she laughed as she leaned back into him.

 

"Can't help it, you're the best dance partner I've had in a long time." His hand ghosted over her stomach, causing a wave of butterflies coursing through her, and she once again found herself disappointed at his sexuality and that she was so susceptible to the side-effects of drugs. "I'll give you five bucks to go break those two up."

 

Tori glanced up as he nodded towards the familiar dark haired couple under a blue light a few feet away from where she stood in the crowd. She had always found it weird that Jade could dance so well, that someone with a personality like hers would see it as acceptable behavior, but when she was on, she was on; no matter what she was doing. After Noah pushed her one more time, having stolen her glowstick necklace for himself, she walked over to the other girl, sliding her hands around Jade's waist and smiling into her shoulder as Mike glared.

 

Even though the music was pounding, she could hear Jade's husky laugh as her cool hands slid down from Mike's neck to Tori's hands on her hips. "Hey."

 

"Hi," Tori responded, her lips close enough to Jade's ear that she didn't have to shout all that loud. "It's my last night as your friend, I think you owe me a dance."

 

"Alright," Jade turned, paying no mind to Mike's dejected face as she did. She grabbed Tori's wrists and brought them up to rest on her shoulders, her own falling down to Tori's waist. "One dance."

 

The DJ was switching up to remix some songs from the 90's and Jade had been like how she usually was when she danced; silly and open and uncaring of who was watching. Despite her personality and dislike of, well,  _other humans_ , Jade loved being the center of attention. Tori's hands linked together loosely behind Jade's neck, pressing their foreheads together, though her eyes remained closed; the blue light on Jade's skin too pretty for her to watch any longer than she already had.

 

She couldn't help tilting her head to kiss Jade again when the beat of the music slowed just slightly. They were crushed together, hips grinding, breath mingling, and Tori wanted one more chance to show her again just how well they fit together; at least in one way. Again, Jade responded without hesitation, kisses still weirdly soft and gentle for such a brazen personality. But when Tori pulled away to look at her again, the dark-haired girl stepped back completely and pushed her way through the crowd before the Latina could even blink. She gaped for a moment and hesitated before attempting to follow her.

 

Tori vaguely remembered the house from her first night out with Jade, but the last time she had been there, there hadn't been people filling up the downstairs to dance and using the living room and kitchen as a break room. There was always someone in her way, but she knew where Jade was headed. Her suspicions were confirmed when she found the other girl leaning over the sink in Lia's bathroom in just a black tank top, her see-through purple lace shirt discarded by the shower.

 

She was splashing water on her neck; just like Tori had done the night she got too high and Jade found her. She closed and locked the door as she stepped in, the chrome sconces one the wall making the white subway tiles gleam too brightly for her oversensitive eyes. Tori wanted to say something to cut the tension as she walked in – Jade's shoulders had gone rigid at the sound of the door, but she still didn't look back. And Tori felt fine with their silence, it allowed herself a moment to take in Jade as she fixed her make up and hair in the mirror, taking careful attention to keep her gaze on her own blue eyes and not the girl standing behind her in her reflection. When Jade did finally turn around, Tori greeted her with a hazy smile and nothing more. She wanted Jade to come to her for once.

 

And she had been the one to make the first step, much to Tori's relief, but she followed that one slowly, like she was giving them both time to change their minds and run away. When Jade got close enough, Tori reached forward and slipped her index fingers into the waist of Jade's skirt to tug her the rest of the way. Jade's pierced eyebrow quirked as she ducked her head away from Tori's lips.

 

"It's a bad idea, Tori," her blood red lips murmured, though her fingers were toying with the bottom button on Tori's shirt.

 

Tori bit her lip as her hand moved up to slide under Jade's tank top. "Yeah, it might be."

 

Jade sighed, her deft fingers flicking the buttons open. "Because I meant it, I'm forgetting about this after this weekend."

 

"Uh huh." Tori shrugged off her plaid shirt and tugged on Jade's top. "If you can."

 

"I mean it." Jade's voice was serious but she raised her hands over her head and allowed Tori to remove her shirt, shaking her hair out after she had. "This is-"

 

"Not going past this weekend, yeah, yeah." Tori tossed Jade's tank top at her face and then proceeded to remove her own, not bothering to watch where it had landed. "Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?"

 

Tori cut Jade's reply off by grabbing her cheeks and pulling her closer, kissing her soundly and pressing their torsos together. Jade gave a half-hearted sound of protest, but she was backing Tori against the door before the minute had past. She was rougher than she had been before, more like the Jade Tori thought she knew, forceful and demanding. The shorter girl wanted to respond just as passionately, but it was hard to keep up. Jade's kisses were searing and every one of her carefully placed touches on Tori's overheated skin sent a shiver up the brunette's spine. She jerked her head to the side, desperate for a fresh breath, but Jade wasn't deterred. Her lips pressed to Tori's cheek and jaw and then took their time on her neck.

 

The brunette took in a ragged breath, slipping her hands down to the jean shorts she had on and fumbling with the button. If Jade had noticed, she didn't react, her mouth finding a spot and working over it; undoubtedly leaving a mark while her hands stayed where they were on Tori's hips, thumbnails lightly scraping across Tori's stomach and making her shudder with each swipe. When Tori succeeded in undoing the button, she lifted her hands back to Jade's shoulders and finally dared to speak again.

 

"No hickeys."

 

"Too late," Jade replied immediately as she pulled away to inspect the damage, though her eyes quickly dropped to the undone shorts Tori had on. Her fingertips dragged across Tori's navel and she hummed quietly for a moment. "You'll regret it."

 

"You will more," Tori whispered back defiantly, a smirk on her lips as she dug as deep as she could to be the actress she knew she could be.

 

Jade gave her a small look of appreciation before chuckling and leaning in to kiss her again, lips slow and heady. Her hand slid around Tori's back again, lacy bra scratching against Tori's own. She had distracted Tori to the point that Tori didn't even notice sly fingers slipping under the waistband of her underwear until her head smacked back against the door at the feel of them on  _her_. Tori let out jagged breath and her hips bucked up, only to be pressed back again as the other girl continued her movements. Jade's kisses became sparse as she pressed two, then three fingers into Tori; blue eyes steady on her tan face whenever Tori could manage to pry open her own eyes. She gasped sharply, her nails pressing into Jade's shoulders and breath becoming hoarse. Her knees feeling weak, she pulled the dark-haired girl closer, dropping her weight on her and panting in her ear.

 

"Jade-"

 

Jade cut her off with a less-than-gentle nip on her earlobe and forceful thrust of her hand, followed by warm kisses peppered from ear to chin on Tori's face. She helped keep the tan girl pressed against the wall, holding her up as her stomach began to quiver. The so completely foreign feeling of Jade sliding in and out of her had Tori's brain on overdrive; her nerves oversensitive from the drugs running through her blood and floor vibrating underneath them. Tori breathed in desperate, sharp gasps against Jade's lips, coffee-colored eyes clenching shut when the heel of Jade's hand ground down against her. It was too much, her stomach knotting tightly as she tried to process everything that was happening to her.

 

"I can't-" she licked her lips, Jade's peppermint breath on her tongue. " _God_." Tori's hips bucked off the wall, her lungs growing desperate with each movement of Jade's hand. She didn't remember how long it lasted but every time her eyes could focus they saw Jade's careful and steady gaze, far softer than her frantically moving hand; like the harsh lace bra covering Jade's silky skin. It became apparent to Tori that Jade had been silent and that the high ragged breaths she heard echoing in the room were hers and hers alone. Even as Tori's nails dug into her skin, Jade was enrapt with Tori. Her constant gaze only dropped when Tori finally let out a pained gasp as she tumbled over the edge, Jade's lips attached to hers and made it nearly impossible for Tori to catch her breath as her body melted.

 

Jade's hand retracted from her shorts, sticky fingers wrapping around Tori's back to help keep her up while Tori's head ripped away to rest on Jade's shoulder, legs shaking as she gulped for breath. She opened her eyes as a realization hit her, but her need for recovery kept her gasping for another minute longer.

 

"Oh my god," Tori managed finally, speaking more to herself than Jade, "I just had sex."

 

"Tor-"

 

"I did though." Tori's heartbeat hadn't slowed down though her legs felt steadier and her throat, though raspy and dry, was still able to force her words out. She pulled back in an attempt to catch Jade's elusive gaze. "I did. You were there. I had sex with you. Or you did with me. You and me."

 

"Please, don't freak out," Jade groaned as her grip around Tori loosened.

 

"We just had sex." She said it as if there was someone else in the room she didn't want to hear, but she let out a relieved laugh. "We did. I did. I had sex. With you. I can't believe we did that."

 

"Can we just get you home? I think you're dehydrated. I told you… I told you that you'd regret it." Jade turned and headed back towards the sink to wash her hand, leaving Tori against the wall.

 

"I don't. At least, I don't think I do. I just… never thought my first time would be when I was on... whatever those were. Or, you know, in a bathroom. Or with a girl for that matter." Tori felt dazed as she slowly buttoned her shorts back up and continued to babble – a nervous habit she had that usually lead to nowhere. Her tank top wasn't in the immediate vicinity so she grabbed her button up and tugged it on, while Jade was already properly redressed and checking the neat crescent-shaped cuts on her shoulders. Tori walked up behind her and kissed them, a dopey smile on her face. "Sorry."

 

Jade sighed and looked at Tori in the mirror. "You're an idiot." Her tone had been dry, but she had still been leaning back into Tori all the same.

 

"I can't believe I just had sex," Tori gave a weird laugh that she didn't even recognize herself. Strained, but warm and happy. "Does it count if you're a girl? I mean, am I still a-"

 

"Please, for the love of god, stop talking." Jade shuddered and leaned back towards the counter again. "Google it when you get home, I am not getting into  _that_  conversation. It'll just lead to… other bad topic sentences."

 

Tori stared at the angry red marks she had left on Jade's ivory skin, bringing her finger up to trace the scratches lightly. "I could keep it a secret until you wer-"

 

"I'm never going to be ready. I don't… want that with you. Or anyone right now." Jade's nails tapped against the smooth marble countertops. "You know we can barely stand each other under normal circumstances."

 

"You can be bearable when you want to be," Tori replied. "Me, Beck and André know that, and it wouldn't be that hard to convince everyone else if you maybe learned to count to ten in your-"

 

"Wait, shut up." Jade swiveled around and pushed Tori back a step. "What do you mean André knows that?"

 

"Well… uh…" Tori bit her lip and looked up pleadingly when she couldn't find the words to express herself. "It wasn't like a... thing... and I shouldn't get into it. It doesn't have anything to do with us anyway-"

 

"Whatever, just… stop. There's no 'us', so don't say that either." The heel of Jade's boot tapped against the cupboard door behind under the sink. "Sorry, but I already told you. So deal with it, because I don't want it getting out to anyone." Jade didn't often show fear, but Tori had been sure she saw a flicker of doubt in her eyes before she pursed her lips and reminded the Latina, "You promised."

 

"I know." Tori felt tired of being so energized, of feeling everything more than she usually did. She wanted to kiss Jade again, but she was afraid that there wouldn't be a response if she tried. She made a mental note to take a break from parties for a while, until her head was in a good place to sort all her feelings out. But, at that moment, she was stuck being irrational and trying too hard to keep whatever she and Jade had going. "Come home with me."

 

"No." Clear. Authoritative. Jade.

 

"Yes," Tori replied with small laugh, readjusting the buttons on her shirt. "I think I'm gonna need help getting around my parents like this and..." She ran a hand through her hair and fixed Jade with a stare and pleading look – though it may have been less effective due to the constant smile she had on her face at the time. "You can't just… do that to me and leave, anyway. You wouldn't do that, I know you wouldn't."

 

"Oh, yeah, and I'm so known for my kind and giving soul after all," Jade said sardonically, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I didn't just do it to you, you wanted me to, so don't act like-"

 

"Come home with me." Tired, but happy from both the orgasm and the MDMA slowly coursing through her, Tori leaned forward, keeping her arms hugging herself. She wanted to kiss Jade, she wanted to call André and ask him to drive home tonight and pick her up and take her out for food while she explained her fucked up last few days, but mostly she just wanted to sleep. "Please?"

 

"Fine, but no more of this touchy-feely bullcrap," Jade warned as she smoothed out her shirt. "And we're not cuddling or whatever. And your sister isn't allowed to talk to me." Tori snorted unexpectedly despite the dizziness she felt and Jade clearly had to fight to keep the smile from her face. "Come on, spaz."

 

Jade took her keys from Noah's hoodie, which they found on the kitchen table with the blonde boy nowhere to be seen, dragging Tori like a rag doll behind her as they made their way out of the house. It was hard to find Jade's dark car in the night, but when they finally managed they slumped into the seats for a few minutes, neither one of them making a move to do anything else. Tori wondered if Jade thought it was weird that they always knew when to be quiet with one another.

 

"I wanna be clear," Jade started with a cautious voice, hands gripping the bottom of the steering wheel and gaze set straight in front of her, "that I wouldn't have… done that if I didn't think that you wanted me to. I'm mean, but I'm not…  _that_  mean. At least, not after a week off from Sinjin. But, still… I wouldn't… I wouldn't have-"

 

"I wanted you to, Jade." Tori's head rolled over and she smiled at the dark haired girl.

 

Jade fidgeted, glancing away and then looking at Tori for a brief second before her eyes turned back in front of her. "Good."

 

"I don't think a lot of girls our age are lucky enough to actually enjoy their first time, right? Even if it's with someone who's ashamed to be seen with-"

 

Jade shot her a glare and spoke through clenched teeth, "What did I say about feelings?"

 

Tori couldn't help laughing at the oh-so-Jade response she had received, which had obviously made Jade angry because she jammed the key into the ignition and cranked it as far as it would go, a scowl on her face. "I'm sorry! It's just… I don't regret anything that happened this week, even if you do." Tori's eyes dropped to the gearshift, though she could still see Jade in her peripheral vision. "Even if that wasn't the first… experience I thought I would have, at least it was memorable."

 

"Well, that's a very disturbing way to look at it," Jade mumbled, though her movements were less drastic from then on as she pulled on her seatbelt and turned on the lights.

 

Tori slipped her own seatbelt around herself and replied, "This is a weird conversation."

 

"You have me there, Vega." Jade turned on the radio and pulled out of their spot, relaxed as she drove, though Tori noticed she was a little more cautious than usual. She smiled when blue eyes caught her own in a confused glare. "Stop it."

 

"I'm not doing anything," Tori countered, yawning as heat filled the car on another chilly LA night.

 

"You're staring at me."

 

"No, I'm staring past you."

 

"I cannot believe I-" Jade seemed to literally bite her tongue and Tori laughed again.

 

"What? A little late to be holding back now."

 

"How are you this calm about the whole thing, Tori?" Jade asked seriously, a genuinely confused and uncomprehending look on her face. "This is so messed up, I-I mean, come  _on_. Do you not get that?"

 

Tori shrugged and tore her eyes away, looking down. "I know it's weird, but... it doesn't feel weird. And you want it too, so stop acting like I'm alone on this."

 

Jade didn't respond and Tori didn't have anything left to say, so they both just stared straight ahead. Jade's driving seemed mechanical, like it was second nature to her rather than something she had to pay attention to. Tori usually had no interest in what went on in Jade's head – she assumed it was terrifying – but she would have killed for clue on how to get through to the other girl.

 

"I've only ever wanted you to like me. And you do, you just don't want to admit it to yourself," Tori said when Jade finally stopped in front of her house, the living room window glowing blue from the television.

 

"Spare me," Jade muttered as she looked down at her dashboard, having made no movement to get out of her seat.

 

"You said this afternoon that you would answer my questions honestly," Tori said slowly, her eyes still on her house.

 

"I did-" Jade started but she was cut off by a rare sharp look from the other girl.

 

"So how long have you  _really_  wanted to kiss me?" Clear. Authoritative. Tori.

 

Jade fixed her with a glare and then looked off to her left, her jaw working back and forth and her eyebrows knitted together. "When Beck and I… did it for the first time, I thought about it for a moment."

 

"While you were…"

 

"Shut. Up."

 

" _Wow_."

 

"Get out." Jade's hand had shot up to the ignition so fast that Tori barely had time to reach up to stop her, an apologetic look on her face.

 

"I'm not… it's not wrong to feel that way, you know."

 

"I'm not gay," Jade deadpanned.

 

"Seriously, no one would dare say-"

 

"Are you hearing impaired, Vega?" Jade's hands shot up to do a small number of intrinsic moves that Tori assumed was the sign language translation of what she was saying. They continued to move while her voiced droned on slowly and clearly, "I'm. Not. Gay."

 

"Fine, but… no one's gonna hold it over your head that you have feelings for me just because I'm a-"

 

"Oh my god!" Jade gave an incredulous laugh and smacked her hand against the steering wheel with each word. She looked at over at Tori with wide eyes and stammered for a clearly frustrated moment before she finally found her voice, "I don't have feelings for you, I don't want you, I was just being nice to you and wouldn't have minded hooking up with anyone considering how long ago Beck and I broke up."

 

Tori should have felt more hurt than she did, but there was still a part of her clinging to the idea that Jade was just in denial and she was just  _so_  tired. "Let's go in." She didn't wait to see if Jade was going to follow her, she just left the car and walked across her lawn, stopping at the front door to double check that the buttons on her shirt were properly done up. She would have been lying if she said she hadn't been a little elated when she heard Jade walking up behind her.

 

Jade dealt with her parents, who were relieved they had an easier time coming in that evening than they had the previous night. Tori adapted better to the dim lights, but still held her tongue more often than not when Jade gave them an alibi for the evening until they were free to leave. When they reached Tori's room, she grabbed the other girl some sweatpants and a loose Hollywood Arts t-shirt to sleep in and Jade took them without question, leaving to change in the bathroom.

 

When Tori finally relaxed on her bed her body was relieved, tingling from exhaustion that clashed with the numbness she started to feel from the high. A night of dancing and hooking up with someone in a bathroom had left her with aching feet and surely one or two Jade-inflicted wounds. She stretched out in her hoodie and shorts and tried to remain nonchalant as Jade entered her room and mirrored her position. She wondered if she should try again; push friendship and hope it took away some of the stigma for Jade. But she and Jade weren't great as friends, as evidenced by her past year at Hollywood Arts with the other girl. Jade didn't really seem to be great at friendship altogether, but she had successfully dated Beck for two years with only minor bumps along the way.

 

Still, nothing had come to Tori, so she gave in and sighed. "Goodnight, Jade."

 

Jade didn't respond immediately. She didn't respond until Tori's eyes had nearly drooped shut. "Goodnight."

 

Tori hadn't been surprised when she woke up alone on Sunday morning.

 

* * *

 

By the time she was getting ready for school on Monday, the mark on her neck was a little less noticeable than it had been the day before; her day of ignoring her phone and icing the blemish had done wonders. But it was still an angry purple, even if the edges had started to fade, and she was forced to dig out some of her hipster scarves for the next few days; eyes gravitating to anything neutral until they landed on a dark gray one that would do. She had decided that since she felt like a different person, she would spend at least a day in dark colors, mourning the part of her that had changed. A day of self-pity was all Tori would allow herself because she really didn't regret what happened, just what wasn't going to happen.

 

Tori readjusted the knit hat on her head as she dialed in the combination to her locker, still confused as to how she felt. Different was all she could come up with, no matter how hard she dug, and whether it was different  _good_  or different  _bad_ , she couldn't say.

 

"There you are." Warm. Familiar. André.

 

"Here I am," Tori said as she attempted to do the best impersonation of herself that she could muster.

 

"I tried calling you yesterday to catch up and talk about your new best friend," he laughed and she rolled her eyes in return, continuing to pull out her books for her first few classes. "Seriously though, I want every detail."

 

Tori took in a deep breath. Showtime. "She was clearly desperate enough that she would allow herself to be in contact with me, and somehow managed not to murder me while she did so." She shrugged and faked a look of amused indifference. "Really, there's nothing to say. Not much happened. Do you know when Cat's getting back?"

 

"Tomorrow, I think. They're still in Mexico waiting on them to release her brother from the TSA." She had to fight not to let out a relieved breath as he bought the change in subject without suspicion. "I hear Beck's got a new girl from Malibu. I dated a chick from there once, high maintenance. But I guess he's got experience after dealing with Jade for so long."

 

Face neutral, Tori looked around desperately for a change of subject and was relieved when Robbie showed up, fighting with Rex. It bought her an excuse to zone out as they walked to their first class where they met up with an all-smiles Beck.

 

She didn't see Jade until Sikowitz's class, already in her seat and typing furiously on her phone with one hand as she sipped her coffee. Tori sat in the back row, not wanting to have to need an excuse to look at the other girl. Thankfully André sat in front of her, unsuspecting of her unusually blank face, and went off on a rant about his week away, not needing to hear anything but his own voice and giving her minute to collect herself. It had still been easier than she expected to go through the motions, though her eyes had always found their way back to the barely visible scratch marks under Jade's lacy mesh top.

 

It filled Tori with a small sense of pride that Jade hadn't gone out of her way to hide the marks, but it had also made her wonder just who Jade wanted to see them. She had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with Tori after the weekend was done, so the Latina couldn't imagine it was some sort of signal to her. Her eyes wandered over to Beck, who was sitting immediately behind Jade, his face trying to remain blank despite clearly being tense as he stared directly in front of him. She couldn't help but wonder if that's what Jade had wanted all along; to get back at Beck, to shove it in his face that she didn't need him. Maybe if she got really desperate, she'd end up spilling the beans about her and Tori and make both Tori and Beck look ridiculous.

 

But, no, Tori didn't think she really had to be worried about that; Jade's voice had echoed through her head for the past twenty four hours. There wasn't enough between Tori and Beck to make that sting; it wasn't worth it to admit that her dirty little secret wasn't that she cared about liking a girl, just that she didn't want to admit to that girl being Tori. That was what Jade detested. If Tori were a more spiteful person, she might have sacrificed herself and admitted to hooking up with Jade and starting the rumors just to get a rise out of the other girl; if she had more self-esteem she would try to prove that she wasn't a secret to be hidden and that she didn't care who knew what she did, because she was happy with her choices.

 

Still, Tori was not happy. She was as conflicted as Jade was about their situation. She had no idea what she wanted, if she wanted to be with a girl, if her Catholic relatives would have something to say to her if she was out and proud, if she wanted that girl to be  _Jade_  with all her oddities and anger. Tori's eyes had dropped to her lap as a wave of shame hit her; for pushing Jade when she was getting ahead of herself, for being worried what close-minded people would think of her, for judging Jade who had showed a weird kind of sweetness to her, even if she did have sex with her and wanted to act like nothing happened.

 

By the time lunch had rolled around Tori felt drained by the inner conflict she had been turning over in her head. It was hard enough having to pretend to be interested in André's attempts to diffuse the obvious tension at the table because of the hostility Beck had been showing toward Jade, especially when Tori knew it was all because of what she had done, having been the one who marked Jade ivory skin so noticeably.

 

Jade, to her credit, was being more civil than normal, focusing on her salad rather than the heated looks she had been receiving from the boy who was sitting across from her. Still, she didn't put her jacket on to cover the angry red marks that were so visible through her shirt. There was something different about her, though. Tori didn't think anyone noticed but she did. Yes, Jade would bite back when spoken to, but she seemed to drown out most of the talk otherwise; her eyes had always found a fixed spot on the table to focus on until someone directed something towards her, making her refocus again. Tori tried not to overanalyze it; for all she knew she could have just been paranoid or projecting her feelings or something.

 

Tori had never been more grateful for lunch to end as she was that day. Her Physics class was a breeze; she understood enough to get by, which was good because their teacher generally just read the summary of the assignment, handed it out, and then left for a "coffee break" until the end of class. Thankfully, it was a small class in a school full of artists; mostly architect enthusiasts or kids who had transferred from other high schools and had previously taken it, like her.

 

"Tori Vega." At the sound of her name, Tori looked up from her spot near the window at the two-person table she was seated at. Lia stood before her; all wavy blonde hair and deep blue eyes contrasting with her bohemian clothing choice; tights and two different colored tank tops, layered with a longer one on top. Ever since she had gotten to school Tori had been observing girls more closely to see if any female other than Jade sparked her interest. The only thing that had stuck out was fashion choices she loved but would probably not like for herself, having always been such a tomboy at heart.

 

"Lia, hey! You look really cute." Even if she was a tomboy, Tori had liked saying things like that once in awhile. It didn't come up often with her regular group of friends.

 

The blonde girl smiled and laughed, looking down at her attire and for the first time Tori noticed the smattering of freckles the stretched over the bridge of her nose. "Literally on my last few wardrobe choices. I think I hate doing laundry more than I hate that dreadful mandatory musical instrument rule they enforce. Can I sit with you?"

 

"Oh, sure. I didn't know… I mean, Jade said you guys don't really hang out at school, so I kind of assumed it was like a 'First Rule About Hanging Out With Us; Don't Talk About Hanging Out With Us' kind of thing, but I think I've seen Mike and Noah hanging out before, but then I guess Jade and I were friends outside of the group too, and am I presuming too much by saying I'm kind of in the group-"

 

Lia's hand covered her mouth, a perfectly-arched eyebrow raised after having walked very slowly and deliberately over to Tori, her hand raised to clearly show her intentions, only to have Tori continue talking until the blonde finally made contact and silenced her. Through it all, Tori noticed that the blue-eyed girl had never stopped smiling.

 

"So it's alright if I do, then?"

 

"Yes," Tori said with a bashful laugh. "Sorry. Sometimes I get stuck on play, I think."

 

"Better that than stop." Her lips were full and pink and made every smile look like she was ready for a camera to spring up and take her picture. Tori wondered if she was at Hollywood Arts for the modeling classes; she was one of those girls who commanded attention without opening her mouth. She never really knew how to bring those kind of classes up; Trina's appeal to them terrified her.

 

Their teacher had left five minutes prior when Tori was finally caught staring blankly at Lia's side of the table, not focused on anything in particular. Lia glanced over at her twice before she finally spoke up, her eyes returning to her assignment as she filled in the answers.

 

"Something you need to get off you chest, love?" she asked, her other hand snapping up to type something into her calculator.

 

"I love your accent."

 

Lia laughed and put her pencil down; most kids in the class took their time on their assignments, talked to one another, or worked on other homework in that class, it was part of the reason Tori loved it so much.

 

"That's quite sweet, but I feel as if that's not the thing that's got you off center."

 

Tori smiled and played with the pencil in her own hand. "Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who you've had a bad platonic relationship with?"

 

"Can't say that I have, but I feel as if that's probably how it would start if I were to ever get together with Kanye West." Tori gave a small laugh but didn't reply, even when Lia had turned her chair more so her back to the middle of the classroom. The blonde girl finally broke their silence as she reached over to rest her hand on the back of Tori's chair. "Listen, I'm kind of the black sheep in the group. Unlike everyone else, I don't really hang out with someone outside of our nights, like you all do. But I think we could get along rather well, so maybe you and I could hang out without having to mix some terribly expensive habit into it all?"

 

"I'd like that," Tori said honestly; it would be a relief to know someone else at this school outside of the group. She glanced over at the searching gaze that was on the other girl's face and began doodling on the back of her notebook. "So I take it you want to start now."

 

"No time like the present," Lia replied warmly. "Tell me about this bad romance you've managed to stumble into."

 

Tori looked around, but with so few people the class was fairly spread out and seemed to be out of earshot. Still, she whispered, leaning in closer to her newfound friend. "It's definitely not. A romance, that is. I don't know if I want it to be, but I know the other person definitely doesn't want that. Because they don't think we'd be able to do it. And I'm starting to think they might be right, but after spending time with them and… doing more with them, I… want to be with them, and I don't care if she's embarrassed about me because I-" Tori stopped dead when her brain had finally caught up to her mouth.

 

"So we are talking about Jade, then?" Lia asked, her blue eyes as vitalized as the Los Angeles sky.

 

"You can't tell anyone," Tori whispered desperately, her eyebrows raised and tense.

 

"I won't, but if I know, I'm sure Noah's picked up on it. And don't think no one's noticed you cuckolding Mike while you've been around. Whether it was intentional or not." She gave Tori a moment to inwardly berate herself before insisting, "Come out with it then."

 

"She's never liked me," Tori mumbled. "And I wanted her to like me for so long, or, at least, to not hate me. And last week I saw someone I actually wanted to get to know. And then… we kissed. And she told me that she could never be with me. Then Saturday… in your bathroom-"

 

"And thank you so much for that."

 

"Sorry," Tori offered before giving a weary sigh. "I just don't know what to think."

 

"And you don't know if you want her outside of the bedroom anyway, is that right?"

 

Tori smacked the blonde's thigh but laughed despite herself. "It's not that… or just... that… I mean… that was pretty great, don't get me wrong. But I don't think it's because she's a girl, I think it's just her… I don't know if I want her when we're not alone, I guess. When we are alone, I like being with her and  _I'm_ not even sure why, but I just do. But when we're not alone, you know, outside of your little Fight Club thing, we don't exactly mesh."

 

Lia reached over and tucked Tori's hair behind her ear, her accent adding class to the naturally lazy and droll way she spoke and her eyes remaining sincere. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I knew what I could do to help."

 

"I don't think there's anything to do except forget it," Tori replied, her smile sad. "But, thanks."

 

* * *

 

As the week continued, Tori found herself becoming more and more tightly wound. Faking her way until her class after lunch had begun to weigh on her and she was running out of excuses not to hang out with her friends after school.

 

To her relief and worry, she noticed Jade had begun showing some sort of reaction. She still seemed to need to put effort into paying attention to what was happening around her, and Tori could see she had begun using more make up under her eyes. Still, other drama in the group had been pulling focus from either girl: Beck's new girlfriend turned out to be André's ex, and two of them, as well as Cat and Robbie, had become too enrapt to notice the half-hearted responses from either Jade or herself.

 

But by Thursday evening her routine of sitting alone in her room and thinking about every detail from the week before had finally become too much for Tori to bear. She grabbed her phone and clicked passed all the texts from André and Beck, searching through her contact list until she found the number she had been looking for. Tori took a breath and hit dial before she could second-guess herself.

 

"Tori Vega." Lia's voice was akin to those early movie sex symbols, a low breathy pitch that seemed every bit as forceful as a shout. "What can I do for you, love?"


	3. Part Three

"Do you like sex?" Lia's reputation hadn't been all that sordid as far as Tori could tell, but she knew enough to know that the blonde probably wouldn't be starting any abstinence groups any time soon. It had been almost two weeks since Tori had first called Lia to hang out after school and she hadn't spent a day without talking to the other girl for at least two hours since then. That lazy Tuesday afternoon, they had been lying on Lia's now-familiar bedroom floor after having finished their homework.

 

"I have enjoyed it, yes. Depends on the person." She looked so poised despite clearly being perfectly content, and Tori had the desperate urge to spring up from the plush rug they were laying on and grab one of Lia's expensive camera's to start and impromptu photo shoot. Lia's whole room seemed set up for that any moment anyway, large with differently, yet somehow, collectively-styled areas. "I didn't really enjoy my first time. But it was sweet."

 

"How old were you?" Tori asked as she allowed herself to stare at the blonde openly for a minute while she couldn't see her.

 

"I had just turned fifteen earlier that month. It was the night before we moved from Cambridge and with the boy I had been dating for a year. We were star-crossed lovers in my mind, so I found it all terribly romantic." Lia smiled, her eyes still closed. "I hear he has a second child on the way now."

 

Tori snorted, hands flying up to immediately cover her face after she did. She glanced through her fingers to find found Lia staring back at her with half-lidded eyes and an amused smile. "So, when  _have_  you enjoyed it?"

 

"Well, I can tell you about the one-time thing I had with a boy from the 'old country,' as my father calls our ancestral home of Italy." Lia turned onto her side and held her head in her hand, gaze thoughtful and smile nostalgic as she spoke. "Paulo. You should have seen him. He was just so… European. Gorgeous lips, dark hair and eyes, couldn't speak a lick of English. It was wonderful. Like having a piece of home in America that I didn't have to find on the BBC. He and his family were mostly farmers, but one of the daughters had won a scholarship or something of the sort. Whatever the reason, thank god for publicity stunts because my father always feels obligated to go with his job and the Italian Embassy is a big fan of renting out mansions for them."

 

Lia's free hand had begun to idly twist the hem of Tori's shirt around one of her fingers as she spoke. "I found him in this old study in an off-limits area of the house. We spoke a little; I know some Italian, but I'm by no means fluent. Anyway, it ended up with us on the couch and me in his lap. And, let me tell you, he must be a popular boy in the village back home."

 

Tori caught Lia's hand in her own, twisting and pulling with her long, sun-kissed fingers as she laughed again. "How Nicholas Sparks of you. Have you ever regretted having sex with someone?"

 

"Oh, heavens, yes. One of the five – yes, five, put that eyebrow back down – was a total and complete mistake. Like, sleeping with a dear friend's recent ex kind of bad." She intertwined her hand with Tori's and brought the other's girl's wrist up to her mouth to kiss it, her smile still strong. "But you live and learn, I suppose."

 

Tori smiled in return but then adverted her eyes to their hands. "Did you have to, like, officially come out to your dad as bi, or whatever?"

 

"Well, I did. But I don't think it was in the official rulebook for being gay, if that's what you're asking." Lia leaned in closely for a moment, her next tease whispered, "But between you and me, I've only glanced through the thing."

 

"God," Tori groaned, her face red. "I must sound like an idiot."

 

"Have you decided, then? To join those of us who don't discriminate?" A blonde eyebrow arched as Tori's hand was placed back onto her own stomach and let go.

 

"I don't know what I want," Tori repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past three weeks.

 

"Well, there's no rush to find out, so don't overthink it. The choice will be clear when you get to it." It had felt weird to Tori, to be around someone who seemed so rational. Who always knew what to say to put her at ease no matter the situation. "Could I ask you something, Tori?"

 

Tori blinked in surprise. "Of course."

 

"Do you mind if I ask just how did you and Jade ended up… being you and Jade, exactly?" Lia asked, not unkindly. She had been good about distracting Tori from the subject, but she supposed even this girl, who she barely knew two weeks ago, could even see what an odd couple they made. "I mean, I adore her, I do so don't laugh, but I was brought up with the a British stiff upper lip, so I think it's fantastic that she's not backward in coming forward. It just doesn't seem like that would be the kind of thing you'd be appealed to."

 

"You're gonna laugh, but our first kiss – which was the first time I ever thought about kissing her, by the way – happened after we finished singing and dancing in the rain one night. And it was... it was nice. Nicer than I would have thought it could be with Jade, anyway." Tori let out a reluctant breath and her own strained laugh. It was the first time she had really talked about her and Jade in any kind of real detail and it had made her throat tighten. "So close to our own bad romance movie."

 

"I think that sounds lovely." Lia's face had even been sincere without her usual smile because her deep blue eyes remained soft and sweet. Her hand came up to brush Tori's bangs back, fingers remaining at the brunette's hairline for an instant and then ghosting down her jaw. "And lovely moments make life worthwhile."

 

"Do you want me?" Tori whispered, unaware the question had even been on her mind. She wasn't blind to Lia, with all her affection and experience and beauty, but she knew that the blonde had been waiting for her to make the first move even if she was the one making the advancements. "I mean… do you want  _me_?"

 

Lia's smile returned, her thumb stroking along Tori's jaw softly. "Tori Vega, would you like to go out with me this evening?"

 

"On a date?" Tori's voice had been meek but clear. She hadn't been expecting that.

 

"A date," the European girl confirmed. "If you're comfortable with that. And, if you're not I won't be offended. Though, I may have to ask you to stop letting me hold your hand if you decline."

 

Tori looked up at Lia; tried to think of her as a girl from her Physics class, rather than the girl she had met through Jade. It was hard to avert the questions that had been nagging her about her and Jade's potential relationship to the blonde when she was so not Jade West. It was even harder to clear her mind and consider whether she even wanted to date  _anyone_  at that moment, let alone another female. "Could we go somewhere quiet?"

 

* * *

 

Going on dates had always been easy for Tori; it was rarely hard for her to make conversation with anyone other than Jade. Or Cat. Her best strategy had always been to take the pressure off everything and act like she was just going out with a friend; which all turned out to be easy to do with Lia and her ability to turn everything into a joke. She took Tori to a double feature in West Hollywood, an old theater with classic movies and the good kind of popcorn. It was easier, after making it through a movie and a half, to try to see what her hand felt like when it held Lia's. Lia had looked over at her in darkness, fingers intertwining with Tori's and not letting go until they reached her car.

 

"I do." Tori jumped in her seat. The car had been stopped in front of her house for more than a minute before either of them spoke, and when Lia did, Tori was lost.

 

"You… do?"

 

"I want you," Lia clarified with a charming laugh. "But I'd like you to want me, too. And, I'd very much like to see you more where other people could see us, but if that required some time, you know I'd get it. If you wanted more with me at all."

 

Tori did her best to keep her head up, her gaze as close to Lia's as she could manage without actually looking at her in an attempt to look as if she were carefully choosing her words of reply, but she didn't want to talk anymore. Especially about her feelings. She had spent every night analyzing everything that had happened to her that month just to come up with a giant question mark when Tori tried to actually establish just how she felt. She used to always hate her impulsiveness, the trouble it received did not always outweigh the pros; but sometimes she enjoyed that it had the knack of being able to show her what she really wanted at that particular moment.

 

She had leaned across the center console and kissed Lia, desperate to notice the differences between the blonde and Jade, desperate to have something else to think about at night again. Lia responded after taking a moment to get over the surprise, her hand immediately sliding up and around Tori's neck as kissed her back with fervor. Their set up had not been ideal in the cramped, separated front seats of the car, but the familiarity of it made Tori feel more normal again, like there had been no reason for her at all to question this date. Lia was unafraid who could see them, uncaring of how deeply she had been kissing Tori while parked on the street for all to enjoy if they chose to do so. But Tori, desperate for breath, pulled back a tiny bit, her hand playing with the end of Lia's shirt and eyes still closed.

 

"Nice girls don't kiss on the first date," Lia breathed but she kissed Tori again anyway.

 

"I guess Jade's a doll then, because we didn't make out until, like, our third night out together…" Tori almost smacked herself for bringing up another girl she'd… been with, however briefly.

 

Lia, though, was a better person than she was, it seemed. "I always knew she was hiding a deep, dark secret. Just never would have thought it would be that she's chivalrous," the blue-eyed girl laughed quietly, her lips pressing against Tori's again.

 

Tori smiled into the kiss and finally pulled away when it ended. "Come sit with my friends at lunch tomorrow. I don't know… how I'm going to introduce you-"

 

"Best to start small," Lia agreed, her hand sliding from the back of Tori's neck down to where she could feel a racing pulse. "How about a deal? We'll have a trial run this week, and if you don't want to keep things going by Friday, I won't hold it against you. But I will be able to find a party and get smashed so I can feel better." She leaned in to kiss Tori then for the last time that evening, stealing the laugh from her lips. "No pressure."

 

Tori smiled and nodded. "I'd like that."

 

* * *

 

Tori hadn't felt nervous as she approached the table with Lia; she knew her friends could deal with the interruption, especially after the drama between Beck and André. But Jade had become increasingly quiet amongst them, to the point where it was no longer mentioned to her face do to the terrifying looks the subject matter would earn. Beck was clearly still angry with her, Cat still annoyed her, and she remained as neutral as ever to André. But Tori could see her withdrawing more and more, looking more pale again and losing weight; she watched her go through the motions without comment because knew it wouldn't earn her a reply.

 

"Hey," she greeted the table casually as she sat down with the blonde. "Everyone, this is Lia."

 

Lia was met with a chorus of hellos, but Jade had remained silent. "Hello, all. Lovely to officially meet you."

 

"I love your accent. One time my brother had an accent, but he got in trouble for it because he was trying to impersonate the First Minister of Scotland to get on The Today Show."

 

"Well," Lia began after a moment of silence fell over the table while they all stared at Cat, "that's terrifying."

 

"So, Lia. How do you know Tori?" André's voice was smooth and charming, followed with a smile that left Tori knowing he would end up being disappointed. "You guys have been hanging out a lot lately."

 

"They have Physics together." Jade's voice made everyone but Lia jump; they had rarely expected a comment from her during normal conversation unless the raven-haired girl had been directly spoken to. Jade's gaze lifted from her salad, a terrifyingly friendly smile on her face. "Isn't that right, Lia?"

 

"That's right, Jade," the blonde responded without fail, her own voice light and airy.

 

"Funny how you can manage to find time between your busy social life." Jade's teeth were bared under the ruse of a smile after she took a sip from her coffee. "Maybe André's found his 'in' with you by being friends with Tori."

 

Tori glared at Jade from across the table, the first time she had allowed herself to openly look at her in two weeks, but the other girl kept her gaze locked with Lia's, who held it confidently. "What can I say? She's taken priority. Besides, I'm kind of cooling it on the partying, sorry André-"

 

"Oh, come on," came a desperate plea Tori's other side, but it went ignored by the two girls we were staring each other down.

 

"Which I hear," Lia continued as she casually began preparing her own meal, "is something you should be considering."

 

" _Oh._ " Jade's voice was bubbling with barely restrained rage, but her smile remained. Tori couldn't shake the memory of Betty Sue Goldenheart while she sat helpless between the two.

 

"Maybe she's right," Beck jumped in with his own look of contempt. Tori had heard a few whispers about Jade's rising popularity amongst the guys in school now that she was available and seen out all the time. She assumed that none of those guys had actually ever  _talked_  to Jade, but it seemed pointless to warn them. Still, her abrasive personality seemed to have been downplayed by the rumor mill, and she knew Beck had definitely been listening.

 

"Maybe you should mind your own business." Jade's tense smile had dropped instantly as she snapped at her ex-boyfriend, earning a terrified yelp from Cat. Blue-gray eyes didn't look up as she gathered her things and left the table, but Tori's own gaze couldn't leave Jade's retreating form until she had disappeared into hallways of Hollywood Arts.

 

"Is lunch with your friends always this eventful?" Came Lia's voice, an obvious attempt to break the tension. Her hand slipped around to rest lightly on Tori's back, eyes warm.

 

Tori's gaze tore from the building to the girl next to her and her own smile returned as she attempted to get back into character. "Unfortunately."

 

"Sorry about Jade, she's been… actually pretty quiet lately, so it's been nice. Guess you didn't luck out." With André's comment the table returned to normal, with Lia drawing most of the attention as she introduced herself more to the group. Beck sat sullenly in his seat, half-heartedly eating his ravioli and Tori thought, for a brief moment, that maybe he could offer her some solace; some insight to the conundrum that was Jade. She shook her head at the idea, though. She doubted Beck wanted to talk to someone who had been hooking up with his ex  _about_  his ex.

 

Lia was at her side again the next day at lunch, testing the waters once more. While she and Beck debated the pros and cons to one of the classes he had been looking at for his next year, Tori's eyes searched the crowds. Jade had been fine in class, normal for Jade at the very least: demanding and vicious at all the right times and everyone else seemed appeased to her having returned to normal; but it had still felt off to Tori. She had been obsessing, she knew that, but Jade's snapping at Lia had left Tori overanalyzing the other girl again. The increasingly pale color of her skin, the shadows under her eyes, the more-than-average hollowness to everything she seemed to say. Tori saw it and she wondered if she must have been crazy too; after all, Beck had known her better than she had and for longer, and he didn't seem overly involved with her well-being unless it had to do with her romantic life.

 

Tori had found out that Jade's eyes were green that day. She had just made a successful contribution to the current topic conversation, she couldn't remember what she even said, but whatever it was, it appeased Lia and Beck enough that the brunette could go back to searching for teal streaks that adorned Jade's hair that day; only to discover that she had been sought out herself. As soon as Tori had Jade's gaze, she lost it. Jade walked past their table, keeping a comfortable distance so as to not arouse more attention from the others, and tossed the container she was holding in the garbage as she continued back into the school.

 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Jade wasn't all that big a fan of mine." At the mention of Jade's name, Tori's attention turned back to the table to find Lia focused on her, an unreadable look on her face.

 

"Huge loss," Beck mumbled.

 

She wanted to defend Jade then, remind Beck that she was indeed a part of their group of friends and smack him over the head for being a jealous little boy when he was the one who broke it off. But something about the way Lia had been looking at her had made Tori hesitate; she knew it couldn't be fun for the blonde watching Tori sort through her feelings for another person when she was supposed to be trying with her. The table remained quiet until the rest of the group arrived.

 

* * *

 

"You look good in a little black dress." Lia had been 'pre-drinking' while they were getting ready, breath heavy with the smell of vodka and soda by the time Tori had reluctantly settled on a dress. Being a model, Lia naturally had a vast selection of dresses to choose from, but each one felt either too long or too short on the tomboy. Lia had been enjoying the fashion show, though; the camera she had been using to snap pictures of Tori probably having cost a small fortune, making the Latina nervous whenever Lia held it carelessly.

 

The blonde set down her cup and took a picture of Tori looking herself over in the mirror, an overwhelmed expression on her face. Tori didn't feel like herself in the short black dress, her hair meticulously done, bundled together over one shoulder with a simple black ribbon. She had felt slightly more at ease in a dress that probably cost more than all her clothes combined when Lia's arm slid around her waist. She smiled at the brunette's reflection and held the camera up as her lips dropped down to Tori's neck, and for the first time that evening she felt at ease, just as the sound of a shutter clicking filled the room.

 

"Are you sure you don't want to spend your only weekend evening off making out on your couch or something?" Tori asked, tugging the hem of the dress lower only to pull it up again, face scrunched in discontent.

 

"I'm sure I can find us a private room if you're so inclined, but I am not spending Friday evening holed up in my room." Her mouth had lifted up to press a warm kiss below Tori's ear before she continued, "Even if I am spending that time with you. I want to show my date off before I have to share her with Noah."

 

Tori turned in Lia's embrace, instantly feeling at ease upon seeing the familiar smile on the blonde's rosy lips. The camera snapped again, but Tori paid it no mind. "So, I'm your date?"

 

"You are." Lia's head tilted to the side, her coy look mixing all-too-perfectly with the devilish red dress she had on. "Even if it's to remain unspoken."

 

"I know it must be hard for you, I know you… don't care and that it might be a step back, but-"

 

"Tori, I spent a year making out with girls at parties to try to impress boys before I realized that I didn't care if anyone was watching." Her camera came down to rest on her shoulder as right hand came up to cradle Tori's jaw. "Everyone goes through things at their own time."

 

It hurt Tori sometimes, how guilty she felt for hearing Lia say something that reminded her of Jade. It had start to become second nature, pushing thoughts of the other girl back in her mind while she stared into entirely different blue eyes. "You're too pretty and interesting to be this nice."

 

Lia laughed and leaned in to kiss her. "I happen to find you terribly interesting and absolutely stunning, yet I didn't see a need to question how nice you are until now. So just what are those cheekbones and wonderful sense of humor hiding?"

 

"That I'm afraid of what people would think if they saw me with a girl," Tori replied with a humorless laugh and pained look in her eyes. "And that it's stupid."

 

"It's not stupid, Tori." Lia's smile had remained, sweet and sincere.

 

The guilt welled in her chest again, both at remembering how she had pushed Jade and for thinking about Jade again at all. She tried to make up for it, leaning in to kiss Lia with as much sincerity as she could. Even when Lia responded, it didn't seem like she was doing enough to make it up to the blonde. Tori hesitated before reaching up to grab the camera from Lia's hand. She pulled back for a moment, looking at the other girls warm eyes and flushed cheeks before kissing her again, softly and sweetly, snapping a picture while she did.

 

Lia smiled against her lips, grabbing the camera so she could pull away and look at the picture. "I don't want to rush anything either, Tori."

 

"You might be too good for me, you know," Tori responded with a self-deprecating smile, her hands wrapping around the slim waist in front of her.

 

"Tori Vega," two hands cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look to look the blonde in the eye, "don't ever let me hear you say that, is that understood?" Lia pushed Tori's head up and down until the brunette laughed and nodded on her own. "Now, come on. We have ten minutes until Noah gets here and you're not even the tiniest bit drunk. Unacceptable, little dove."

 

It had been easier after that, Tori's smiles felt less forced, especially after Noah had arrived to pick them up. She had to sigh, though, at the fact that he always seemed to look like an Abercrombie & Fitch model, and it hadn't even occurred to her that she had said so aloud until she heard Lia snort from the passenger seat.

 

"Hear that, Noah? You have a future with other models who are probably as equally gay as you are. Not a bad way to make a living." Lia's hand reached over to tousle his hair before she smiled back at Tori. "He always lets me use him for modeling shoots if I need a Ken."

 

"God, you make it sound like you're that creepy director from  _Fame_  and I'm Coco." He paused when he realized they were staring at him. "How have you not seen  _Fame_  when you go to a school like ours?"

 

"You're  _so_  gay sometimes," Lia deadpanned, her nails scratching at his scalp.

 

The party they ended up at was far more high-end than Tori could have ever expected, the weirdly modern Malibu house sitting on a huge yard. When they got inside the music had been pounding, a hypnotic techno dance beat so loud that it felt like Tori's heart was vibrating in her chest. The inside was decorated immaculately, looking too nice to have teenagers dancing around it. Tori had been introduced to more people, some she recognized while most she didn't. She was once again left to wonder how exactly Jade, of all people, could socialize so thoroughly like this, and outside the group no less. But she was easy enough to spot; she was the black dot on a sitting area full of colors. Even when she wasn't dressed in black - her jeans were just dark, and the button up she had open purple – but it was enough to make her stand out, even from Tori whose tan skin downplayed the dark color of her dress. Lia pulled her from her reverie, her hand slipping into Tori's to lead her to the counter where there were a myriad of colored plastic cups and half-empty bottles of soda stood. Most of the kids were smart enough to keep their alcohol in their hands.

 

"You good with just this?" Noah asked as he took the bottle that Lia had been holding, unspinning the cap and taking a shot of the clear liquid, grimacing and shuddering after he did. He passed it back to the blonde and grabbed Tori's wrists, twisting her back and forth until she gave in and laughed. "I can be a good designated driver and grab you more."

 

"Seems I'll be the only one partaking, Tori hasn't developed much of a taste for it unfortunately." Lia reached across the island and grabbed a bottle of coke out of the hands of a dumbfounded boy so she could mix herself a drink. She winked at him as she passed it back, lifting her cup in the air. "Cheers."

 

It was easy enough to pretend that Jade's ice blue eyes weren't just across the room, undoubtedly able to witness Tori and Lia dancing in the middle of the room, on the edge of the group of people. She caught a glimpse of her every once in awhile, though, her teal and blue streaks a bright spot on her otherwise dark attire. But Jade didn't seem to have any interest in them, despite the fact that she seemed animated on the couch, enthusiastic even. And Tori doubted anyone around her could have possibly been talking about weird foreign horror films that she liked.

 

Lia, though, had been very interested in Tori, arms wrapping around the brunette whenever she could, a constant happy smile on her face. She looked drunk, but pleased with whatever Tori could offer her, spinning her around and dipping her, despite the upbeat song that filled the room. Tori laughed, but when she was brought out of the dip, her eyes sought out Jade again, reminded too much of their dance in the rain; but she couldn't find the raven-haired girl until she caught Mike ducking into a bathroom out of the corner of her eye, Jade hot on his trail.

 

Tori took Lia in: gorgeous, bright Lia with her unconditional smiles and her dry wit. Lia, who could navigate a house she'd never been to before until she found a hall that held an empty room. Lia, who was smart enough to lock the door before pressing Tori against the wall, mouth hot, heavy and unrelenting on Tori's lips. She was perfect, too perfect for Tori and Tori knew it.

 

It was weird how disconnected she had felt from the whole experience, like she was on the outside looking in. She replied appropriately – her heart raced and her breath felt ragged – but there was no spark when Lia's warm lips connected with Tori's neck, peppering little bites rather than leaving an angry mark. Tori tried to stay in focus, tried to react like she should, being so bold that her searching hands located the zipper on Lia's dress.

 

"Well, that's just ridiculous," Tori breathed when Lia tugged down her red dress to reveal an equally seductive set of underwear; matching red lace that made her sweet blue eyes turn electric. Tori wanted to reach out and run her hand over the smooth peach-toned skin laid out in front of her, but Lia was already on her neck again, humming into the Latina's shoulder.

 

"Tori Vega, do you have the slightest idea how utterly gorgeous you are?" A warm set of lips captured her earlobe and Tori found herself really acknowledging what she felt for the first time that evening; a shudder running down her spine as her ear tingled at the contact.

 

"Tell me you want me," Tori murmured as her hands rested on lace-clad hips.

 

Lia's hands flew up to cup Tori's jaw as she leaned back to look at the girls. "I. Want. You," she stated firmly, the small smile on her face affectionate and her gaze soft. It didn't take long for it to become heated again; Lia had leaned in and kissed Tori softly, whispering, "I want you," once more after her fingers had ghosted down and around Tori's neck. Tori responded, finally, kissing Lia vigorously and receiving in turn. It still didn't set her brain into overdrive, even when Lia kissed down her neck to the hem of her dress before falling to her knees. Tori  _wanted_  though, and it felt nice to want, to be a normal teenager with crazy hormones hooking up with someone in a bedroom at a party.

 

It took her a few seconds to register that the knocking she heard wasn't the beat of the music, but someone at the door. But Lia had been pressing a kiss to the inside of her thigh, and Tori hadn't found a plausible reason as to why she would want that to stop, so she ignored it. Even though the bang of the door slamming back against the wall surprised Tori, she knew who it must have been as soon as it happened.

 

Jade strolled into the room, surely with a look of contempt on her face as she took in the scene in front of her, but Tori had been unable to lift her head; her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and eyes downturned. She was thankful that Lia, even in her drunken state, was quick to react: she jumped up and slammed the door closed again, an outraged expression directed towards Jade.

 

"Are you kidding me with this?" Lia asked Jade incredulously, who, in turn, paid her no mind as she moved towards the bed.

 

"Well next time don't go down on someone in the room with the coats," Jade snapped back, tossing the aforementioned jackets from the bed to the floor until she found her own. She proceeded to dig through the pockets, acting as if the other girls weren't there.

 

"Are you really that petty, Jade? Or are you just hoping you left something fun in there?" Lia asked; head held high as she walked back to where her dress lay crumpled on the floor.

 

"Watch it, Barbie. I might have to see how easy it is to make your head pop off." Tori still hadn't been able to actually look up from the spot on the floor that her eyes had landed on, but she was sure that the look on Jade's face probably would have stopped traffic at a NASCAR race.

 

"Oh, Jade, if I hadn't just been about to ravage Miss Vega over here, I probably would have enjoyed that last one," Lia replied disdainfully, pulling her dress back up and moving to stand in front of Tori, blocking her from Jade's view. "Love, be a dear and zip me back up."

 

Tori flinched when she was addressed, but her head managed to lift enough to view the zipper and slide it up with shaky hands. Lia was Jade's height, only an inch taller than Tori, but with her slumped against the wall, all she could see was the expanse of the blonde's back that the strapless red dress left exposed. She reached up and pressed her hand against the warm, smooth skin below Lia's shoulder, earning her the slightest, over-the-shoulder smile of recognition from the British girl.

 

"That's disgusting." Jade's voice had been so venomous that Tori couldn't help but flinch again, thankful that she was out of anyone's line of sight.

 

"That's quite the glass house you're throwing stones in, Jade," Lia drawled, hand lazily running through her hair.

 

" _Excuse me?_ " Jade asked, and Tori could hear the sound of her moving closer to them. "What the hell has she been telling you?"

 

"Like Tori has to tell anyone anything, Jade. We're not blind. If you don't think that Mike, Noah and I couldn't tell something was happening when you were ending up going home with her every night, then you're an idiot." Lia's shoulders straightened as Jade approached them, bracing herself in need be. Standing as Tori's shield.

 

" _Oh_." Tori finally peeked over Lia's shoulder to see that Jade looked just about ready to wind up and smack the blonde across the face before the door opened again, this time with a serious looking Noah coming through.

 

"Jade, we're getting out of here. Now." He grabbed Jade's jacket out of her hand and then took hold her forearm with his spare one, pulling her towards the door.

 

"Let. Me. Go." Jade growled, her eyes wide and expression clearly showing that she was ready to claw the blonde boy's face off.

 

"I have what you want, so if you want it, come with me," he said slowly as he pulled her along, as if he were speaking to a misbehaving child being sent to sit in the corner.

 

Jade ripped her arm away, fixing him with another look before she relented and walked out of the room on her own. Noah looked back at the girls with a half-smile and a sigh, though he didn't meet their eyes before he followed the girl out.

 

"Well," Lia sighed, turning to face Tori, "bit of a mood-kill, I suppose." Tori tried to offer a smile, but her breath ended up caught in her throat, causing her to release a choked sound. "Oh, darling." Again, Tori tried to make the situation easier, but her attempt at a laugh became a desperate gasp of breath. Lia's arms wrapped around her, hand sliding up and down and making Tori feel at ease even as she had let out another sob, her eyes remaining dry. "You're going to explode if you keep all of that inside, you know." Lia's lips pressed to her temple, making Tori desperately wish she could relax her tensed muscles. "How about I find us a ride home?"

 

Tori nodded and allowed herself to be lead by Lia through the crowd, their fingers clasped tightly until Lia located Noah. She sighed when she saw his glazed blue eyes and looked to Mike with a pleading smile. Tori had never really noticed before, but Mike had always seemed to stay relatively sober amongst them and she suddenly felt compelled to know why. She probably would have blurted the question out if her throat hadn't felt too strained to form a word as he drove them slowly to Tori's, not wanting to draw attention to himself in case whatever was in his system could be picked up by a cop, the radio filling the silence in the car. When they arrived, he stepped out to pull the seat down and help Tori out of the car. Brooding and intimidating as he was, he was always a perfect gentleman.

 

"I'll – damn seatbelt," Lia muttered as she struggled until she finally managed to get out of the car, "I'll walk you to the door." Lia's arm slipped around her, hand running back and forth across Tori's bare shoulder while Tori heard the sound of a car door closing behind them. "Do you want me to come up? I can sleep on the floor."

 

Tori cleared her throat painfully. "No," she managed. "Just… I'm sorry. For freaking out. Especially when I won't see you until Monday afternoon. And just because… Jade is Jade… I'm sorry."

 

"Tori, someone walked in on us about to get it on at a party in Malibu when you're not even out of the closet yet. I'd expect you to be hyperventilating into a paper bag, to be honest."

 

"I wouldn't mind that actually," Tori finally managed a real laugh as they stopped at her front door.

 

Lia leaned in and kissed Tori's forehead, keeping her lips pressed against her for a few seconds before resting her own forehead where her lips had been. "Are you sure you're okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm… sorry. I'm just… tired of all the Jade stuff already." Tori sighed and leaned in to kiss Lia briefly on her lips. "I'll call you tomorrow from the house phone. We have a good long distance plan. Bring me something back from Vegas."

 

"Oh, like we'll be allowed out of the sights of our many chaperones. They weren't going to let us go to a fashion show out there with at least one parent per student. Unless, perhaps, I can find you something classy at the airport."

 

"I'll take it," Tori said softly, pulling Lia in for a hug that lasted five minutes.

 

* * *

 

It had been an easy decision for Tori when it came to what she was going to spend her Saturday night doing. The answer was simple: nothing. She had told everyone else that she was with her family that weekend, visiting relatives on a last minute trip to San Diego. So Noah had been the only one to inquire about her evening plans, approving of her laziness and apologizing for bailing on her the night before. She forgave him, wished him a good night out, and enjoyed the silence for a little while before she decided to be at least partly productive and stare at her Scriptwriting assignment. She was dressed down in loose sweats and a shirt that fell over one shoulder, hair lazily wavy from her lack of care to it that day after her shower. She felt relaxed with herself for the first time in awhile, and she realized that it was just the silence that made her feel that way.

 

Eventually she became restless enough that she interrupted her precious silence to turn on some music, shuffling her playlist and forcing herself to enjoy the surprising amount of songs she hated on her laptop. It was probably ten when it happened: Tori, having finally found a reason to enjoy her Scriptwriting class, had been so engrossed in her assignment and the music in the background that she almost didn't notice her door open until it had closed, a dark clad figure leaning back against it.

 

"Jesus, Jade," Tori hissed, nearly falling off the bed when she jumped back at the sight of the other girl.

 

"Hey," she replied amusedly, her eyes especially vivid with her pupils nearly a pinpoint in a sea of blue.

 

"What are you doing here?" she asked cautiously, gathering her books up and setting them on the floor near her bed, standing by them to put some distance between her and the other girl.

 

"Missed you," Jade singsonged as she stepped into the room, fingers dancing across the furniture she passed as she took in the photos and knick knacks around the room. She seemed so out of place, all dark colors in Tori's bright space.

 

"You can't… God, what are you on? Did you drive like that?" It became easier for Tori to see after a minute of trying to come up for a reply to the other girl: the glazed expression, her cautious movements, a funny smile on her red lips.

 

Jade gave Tori a wolfish grin. "C'mere."

 

"No. I don't… you can't just… Why are you here, Jade?" Tori stepped back again and again as Jade advanced, until her back hit the wall.

 

"I missed you," she repeated with her raspy voice, tugging her leather jacket off and tossing it on the floor behind her. "You've been so preoccupied."

 

"Shut up. Just… stop all of this. You're the one who wanted to forget anything happened." Tori's voice had been far more confident than she felt, her arms crossed over her chest in an attempt to keep a barrier between her and the approaching girl. "I'm not in the mood to get tortured again."

 

"Did I torture you?" Jade asked dazedly, the semi-sincere pout on her lips more than cancelled out by the fact that she had removed her shirt a second later.

 

"This isn't a joke, Jade," Tori finally snapped, pushing off from the wall and passed Jade's slow-approaching form. Her wrists were caught and she relented her retreat, allowing Jade to press against her back, lips resting against Tori's exposed shoulder. "You can't just… do whatever you want."

 

"I missed you," Jade said again, voice too-weirdly sincere, even with the clearly drugged drawl she had adopted. "I can't stop thinking…" her voice trailed off, head resting against Tori's shoulder. "Why Lia? I actually liked her."

 

Tori kicked at the carpeted floor, hands repeatedly curling into fists and relaxing at her side. "I'm… sorry about that. But…"

 

Jade's lips pressed to her jaw, making her cheeks flush at the contact while her hands moved around to press flat against the front of her hips. It had been too easy to lean back into the embrace, into Jade's waiting arms and her cool skin. "Did you miss me?"

 

"I can't do this," Tori sighed, though she made no attempt to move from Jade's arms. "Why can't you pick someone else for your little game? I know you hate me, but even this is too much from you." Her chin was tickled into turning towards the dark haired girl, to Jade's unsmiling but glassy look that Tori assumed was supposed to be giving off a sincere expression. She was  _tired_  though, relaxed in Jade's arms and feeling electrified at every touch. She looked over at Jade, feeling drained as she finally managed, "Thought we were just gonna crash and burn?"

 

"Plenty of time before the plane reaches the ground," Jade's voice was a hum again, a familiar smirk having returned to her face. It wasn't romantic or sweet or what every young girl dreamed of hearing, but it was undoubtedly Jade. And it had been enough to make Tori give in, close her eyes, and kiss the other girl again, feeling at ease with the familiarity and relief that she felt. Jade didn't disappoint, responding with fervor and a small noise of approval. She stepped around Tori's shoulder and immediately returned to pressing against the Latina's body, her bra clad torso leaving an expanse of cool skin for Tori's hands to explore.

 

Still, she couldn't keep quiet. "Tell me you want me," she had managed to pull her mouth back from Jade's lips. It took everything in Tori for her to lift her head and meet Jade's gaze, trying to find the backbone she forgot she had. She hated how gorgeous her eyes looked, how vibrant they seemed because of whatever drug Jade had numbing her.

 

Jade's gaze never wavered but she didn't respond. Well, she didn't respond how Tori had wanted her to anyway. Instead of pledging her undying words of, well, lust at the very least, Jade's hands fell from Tori's shoulders to her own jeans, fumbling with the button while she clumsily kicked off her boots. "Why else would I be here?"

 

"That's not the same." Tori's throat tightened momentarily, already aching, so she gave herself a moment to calm down, covering it by reaching to stop Jade's hands as she popped open the button of her pants. "Tell me you want me, Jade," she finally pleaded quietly, her heart hammering against the inside of her chest.

 

Jade's mouth opened like she was about to say something, but she closed it again as her hands guided Tori's around to her back, leaving them to rest there. Her glassy eyes still never broke their contact with Tori's, even as her arms came up to wrap around Tori's neck, bringing their noses brushing against one another's. It was only when she finally murmured her reply that her lids dropped. "I need you."

 

Tori had almost,  _almost_  been stupid enough to attempt a reply, and she had certainly never been more thankful for Jade's demanding lips finding her own. It took her a moment to realize that Jade had been relinquishing some of her precious control, like she had allowing Tori to ask questions and see her dance in the rain. She had moved up to letting Tori press  _her_  back against the wall and letting Tori paw at  _her_  jeans until they slid down her hips and left her nearly naked while Tori had still been fully dressed. It was Jade proving to Tori that, yet again, she would let Tori in, even if it was just for a night.

 

And it left Tori wanting Jade to rip her clothes off too, wanting Jade to be as desperate to see her, like she was to see Jade. She pulled back and reached down to the hem of her shirt, only to just then realize she hadn't been wearing a bra, causing a nervous laugh to escape her lips. It seemed to instantly wipe the tension in the room, and Tori hadn't known if that had been a good or bad thing until she saw Jade smile.

 

"Can we just get this over with?" Tori asked with bated breath, hands twisting the hem of her shirt back and forth. "I think I'll have a heart attack if we drag it out."

 

Jade nodded and then hummed as she arched back against the wall and reached for the clasp of her bra. Tori jerked her head to the side, clearing her throat and keeping her gaze averted as she pushed her sweatpants down her hips, kicking them behind her. When she saw Jade's bra drop, her eyes closed and she finally rid herself of her shirt. It took another deep breath before Tori could reach down and get rid of her last piece of clothing, but when she had she opened her eyes again, glancing over to Jade.

 

She was leaning against the wall, presumably only wearing the shade of jungle red lipstick she had on, but Tori had been too terrified to actually look below the other girl's neck. Jade seemed to have the same thing in mind, half-lidded eyes focused in on Tori's lips.

 

"Oh god, we're naked," Tori blurted out, hand flying up to cover her mouth as her eyes widened. She looked apologetically at Jade, who had an eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry. I just… we didn't, you know, because of the bathroom… and stuff." She closed her eyes and bit the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from rambling on, chest rising and falling rapidly. There was a silence, followed by Jade's hands wrapping around her waist, pulling them flush together and kissing Tori's jaw until the Latina met her lips. It still seemed weird, even after Jade's claim of needing her, that she would still be all soft curves and gentle kisses underneath her dark clothes and sharp scissors.

 

But she was nothing if not careful and sweet as she moved Tori back and pressed her down against the bed, following over top the brunette to the head of the mattress. Jade had been cautious with her kisses and touches, though she still kept their bodies pressed together, as if she was getting used to the feeling herself. Which, Tori figured, she probably was. But, still, she was probably more used to all of it than Tori had been.

 

Her hands rested on Jade's slim hips, afraid to move up or down. Jade was less shy, tearing her mouth away to attach to Tori's neck; slowly but surely leaving a mark big enough to cover the tidy pink nips that had littered her neck. And Tori's body had felt like it was on fire again, even with Jade's cool, clammy skin pressing against her own. Her mouth was hot though, unrelenting in its pursuit to mark her neck.

 

"Thought I told you not to do that," Tori said stiltedly, one hand finally moving up to roam up Jade's back, slipping along the bumps of her spine.

 

"I've never been a great listener." Jade shifted her weight onto one hip, her hand sliding up to cup one of Tori's breasts as her mouth found a new spot. Her thumb was soft as it brushed across the stiff peak, but it still made Tori's whole body go rigid, made her ache when Jade pulled her head away from her neck to look her in the eyes again.

 

Tori tried to think of what to ask Jade, something about them that wouldn't kill the mood. It was hard though, when Jade had been looking at her like she was. She felt more comfortable than she thought she could, lying there like that with Jade, exposed and vulnerable. Maybe it was because Jade was all soft touches and reverent brushes of her hand across Tori's torso, her own body as bare as Tori's; vulnerable and exposed. "I think I need you, too."

 

Jade hummed in return, watching her own hand move down to swipe across Tori's stomach, making the muscles ripple underneath the brunette's tan skin. "Drove me crazy, watching her touch you." Her voice had barely been above a whisper, but Tori had heard her loud and clear.

 

She grabbed Jade's ivory chin and made her look her in the eyes. "That's not fair."

 

"Life's not fair," Jade replied idly, kissing Tori's palm before ducking her head and shifting down the bed so she could press another kiss to the top of her stomach. Tori inhaled sharply, hands flying back down to the bed; even the brush of Jade's hair across her skin was sending her into overdrive. Her mouth had reached Tori's navel before the Latina could muster something out.

 

"I only want you." She hadn't ever thought about it before that moment, but the second Tori had said it, she knew it was true. Her hands tangled in Jade's hair as the other girl looked up at her. "And I don't…"

 

Jade silenced her again with a kiss, this time placed dead center between her hips, making Tori's legs jerk in response. Her hands loosened in Jade's hair, allowing the other girl settle between her thighs, leaving Tori far too embarrassed to keep looking at her. There were a few brief moments where Jade was adjusting her position and Tori was staring up at the ceiling, thinking about how easy it would be to push Jade off her and make her explain herself or leave; to not give in to the other girl so willingly. But when Jade's mouth settled on her, Tori's mind blanked, hips only staying on the bed because the other girl was holding them down, her arms having snaked their way under Tori's thighs. All the air left her chest at each swipe of Jade's tongue against her, warm and incessant and dragging a strained noise out of Tori's throat with each contact. Jade's nails scratched against Tori's hips while Tori's own hands tugged at her comforter with each ragged breath, half-formed begged words on her lips.

 

Again, Tori's voice filled the room they were in, desperate pants that echoed from wall to wall. She wondered if it would always be like that with Jade, if each pant and moan would always be torn from her chest, no matter what was or wasn't in her system. Jade's warm breath and eager tongue were like fuel to a fire, making Tori's muscles seize and clench, throat aching from each sound she made. Tori's eyebrows were knitted together, face pressed into her pillow as her stomach clenched.

 

Jade had begun to grow impatient, pace increasing as she zoned in on the spots that had Tori's too-tense body vibrating harder; the tongue swiping across her clit incessantly, making the coiling heat in her stomach tighten achingly quickly. It hadn't take long after that for Tori's hips to buck one last time, one final hoarse whine whimpering out of her throat. Jade's arms slipped out from under Tori's legs while Tori lay there, hands still twisted in the comforter as she tried in vain to relax her quivering muscles.

 

A kiss was pressed to the top of her thigh, then the middle of her shaking stomach, Jade stretching out over top of her again as she made her way back up Tori's body. She stopped though, apparently distracted enough by Tori's chest that her mouth was eager to clamp around an oversensitive nipple, causing Tori to jerk and push at the other girl's shoulder.

 

"You're gonna kill me," she muttered eyes falling shut again as Jade craned her head up.

 

"La petite mort," Jade replied in her raspy voice, sliding off the side of the bed and tugging the comforter until Tori finally helped her, sitting up and sliding underneath it.

 

"Sorry, Abuela didn't have time to teach my Spanish  _and_  French before she died."

 

"It means 'the little death'. It's a French metaphor for orgasm."

 

"Of course you know that." Tori couldn't help staring at the other girl as she unabashedly moved about naked, switching off the light before turning back in. She wondered what it would be like to have that much self-confidence. Though, whether it was self-confidence or drug-induced lack of shame, Tori couldn't be sure. She didn't mind, though, when Jade slid under the covers and threw her arm around Tori's middle as she settled onto her pillow. "Don't you want me to… why don't you ever want me to touch  _you_? Do you not want me to?"

 

"Don't think you'll have to worry about that problem," Jade mumbled, breath brushing over Tori's shoulder with each word. She sounded as if all the energy had been suddenly and completely zapped from her, but Tori took happy Jade in whatever capacity she came in. Still, the weariness of the situation hit her full force as the remnants of her orgasm depleted enough that she could think again. Her face must have shown as much because when Jade had opened her eyes again she sighed and tightened her grip on Tori's waist. "I'm tired. I wanna lay here with you."

 

Tori turned her head to look at Jade, a small smile breaking through on her face. "I hate that you make blowing me off sound sweet because you're not insulting me."

 

"Quit making me regret being too lazy to get up, Vega." Jade leaned in to kiss Tori, keeping the smile on the Latina's lips a moment longer in the process. When her eyes closed, she seemed to be dead to the world instantly, leaving Tori to sigh and relax under Jade's embrace, hoping for the same so her thoughts didn't catch up with her.

 

* * *

 

She was thankful she woke before Jade, though definitely surprised to see that it was nearly noon and Jade was still dead asleep. Tori stretched slowly; trying not to disturb the girl next to her, but found that left her little to do, however, with Jade's arm still stretched across her. She settled on dancing her fingers across Jade's wrist, stopping on her pulse to feel the steady beat underneath before she moved up to trace the lines of the nautical star tattoo further up, lightly stretching the skin around it to watch it change shape. Her hand continued moving, trailing up to the small red dot not an inch higher than the permanent mark inked into Jade's arm, then to the one at the crook of her elbow.

 

Jade woke with a start, her arm jerking away from Tori before her eyes had even opened all the way. She looked around for a moment before turning to lay back onto the bed, having put a few inches between Tori and herself in the process, and leaving a hand to cover her eyes; either to shield them from the bright light filling the room or Tori's gaze.

 

"Good morning," Tori offered, a forced smile on her face. Jade just dropped her hand and stared up at the ceiling in return. "I think I'm gonna end up with a permanent hickey soon if you keep this up." The other girl didn't look amused. In fact, Jade looked angry, though Tori didn't know if it was at herself or at Tori. It left the Latina chewing her lip, trying to decide whether or not to reach out the blue-eyed girl, when Jade kicked off the covers suddenly. Tori felt her throat tighten before she was even up and off the bed, looking around for her scattered clothes.

 

"Jade," she whispered pleadingly as she watched the raven-haired girl dart around the room. Tori sat up and pulled the sheet up to her chin, taking a deep breath before repeating herself in a firmer voice, "Jade."

 

Jade stopped and looked at Tori, her jaw working back and forth while she hugged the clothes bundled in her arms to her chest. She looked away for a moment, a sardonic smile having made its way to her lips before her gaze returned to Tori. "I should go."

 

"This isn't a joke to me." Tori's tone came out more harshly than she intended, but there was a weight settled on her chest that had been making it hard to breathe. "You can't do that… you just can't."

 

" _You just can't_ ," Jade muttered in a low voice even though she proceeded to drop her clothes and return to the bed, sitting on top of the covers and crossing her arms over her chest. "So, what now? Wanna tell me about your feelings?"

 

Tori's eyes fixated on a spot across the room as the walls began to spin, the weight on her chest making it hard for her to breathe and the ache in her temples making it hard for her to think. "Can you just talk or something."

 

"About what?"

 

"God, Jade." Tori closed her eyes sighed. "I don't care. Anything."

 

It was quiet for a long time, but it hadn't been any easier for Tori to catch her breath until Jade finally spoke. "My dad and I have only ever had one thing in common my whole life and it's horseback riding."  _That_  had definitely made Tori forget herself for a moment, turning to Jade with a raised eyebrow. "I know, shut up. But… right around the first time I started hearing the word 'divorce' in my house, he suddenly wanted to bond with me. And… it took a lot of failed attempts before we finally settled on something we both didn't hate."

 

Jade seemed to be considering how to continue, allowing Tori time to stare at her openly. Dark hair, red lips, pale skin: she looked like Snow White. A bitter, disturbed Snow White, but the horseback-riding thing had definitely been helping in Tori's mind. Thankfully, Jade ignored her stupid smile and continued. "So he took me out to this ranch, it was one of his clients so he had gone a few times before. And… I really liked it. Except when they tried to make me wear the hat. Now they won't let me ride unless I'm wearing it." She shot Tori a look when her smile grew. "So, we don't go out much anymore. But he usually tries to take me around my birthday. So… there. That's me talking."

 

"That sounds really nice," Tori said honestly.

 

"Super."

 

Tori laughed quietly and hugged her knees to her chest. "My dad takes me fishing sometimes. He's always been on the night shifts and stuff, so some mornings, instead of coming straight home, he'd go out fishing. One morning the spring after I turned eleven, he woke me up at three and asked me if I wanted to come with him. I think I remember when I was younger that he had tried taking Trina and… she did not enjoy it." Glancing over, Tori sighed when she saw that Jade hadn't been responding at all to her attempts to bond with her. "So, I got up and went with him and… I've been going ever since. It's always a surprise. We spend the whole morning out on Pyramid Lake with his partner's boat. Sometimes I think he gives me the talks fathers are supposed to give sons out there, about what it means to be a man and stuff, but I just kind of let him go off because he got two girls."

 

Jade made a noise that caught Tori's interest, so she turned to look at the other girl again. Jade cleared her throat and glimpsed over at Tori. "My dad takes my brother fishing out there," she explained. "The last time we went riding I told him he should start doing something with him too, so he picked fishing. And… I think he hates it. And I'm pretty sure my brother hates it. But they'll probably never stop, so it's…  _sweet_ , or whatever."

 

Blue eyes rolled and Tori couldn't help but laugh again, feeling her body relax for the first time since Jade had woken up. She hesitantly reached over and caught Jade's hand, entwining Jade's fingers with her own, enjoying the way their contrasting skin colors looked together. Tori looked up, but Jade's own eyes were stuck staring at their hands.

 

"It could be like this. Just getting to know each other better and hanging out." She had tried her best to speak nonchalantly, but Tori could tell by the irritated sigh that came from Jade that she failed. "You said you needed me."

 

"You had to know that I was out of my mind on-"

 

"On what?" Tori asked softly, trying to keep any accusatory tone out of her voice. Jade just huffed in return, so Tori squeezed her hand. "Can you just hear me out without rolling your eyes or interrupting me for a minute?" She waited for Jade to impatiently nod before she carried on. "You could save some money and not get high every time you wanted to see me – shut up, you said I could talk." She fixed Jade with a silencing stare until her mouth closed again. "We could get to know each other, we could get more comfortable, and we could tell people when we're ready. We already hang out with a group of people who already know."

 

"Oh, yeah, that group of friends. Noah, Mike, and Lia. Remember Lia? Your new shadow? Aren't you guys, like, a thing or something?"

 

Tori's cheeks flared and she tore her hand away from Jade's. "Why would you break into my house, have sex with me, and  _then_  bring that up?"

 

Jade sighed and stood from the bed, heading back to where she had dropped her clothes and hastily put them on. Tori didn't look up at her, didn't move her eyes from the spot she had been focusing on before. Several times while she dressed, Jade stopped and it seemed like she was going to say something, but nothing came until she had grabbed her jacket from off the chair she had thrown in on.

 

"Listen, Tori, I'm… I'm sorry. I told you-"

 

"Just get out, Jade," Tori said tiredly and Jade listened, for once without another word.


	4. Part Four

"Would you guys… would you care if I dated a girl?" Silence followed but Tori's head remained craned up. She had used all the rage and humiliation she felt Sunday morning to reinforce her backbone, trying to make it easier for her to face Hollywood Arts, and Jade, when she arrived Monday.

 

"Like… for reals?" André asked with a stunned expression. "Because I would so be supportive of that." A chorus of similar agreement followed from the guys and puppets at the table, and then, oddly enough, by Cat. "You should definitely date girls. Date a lot of them. Date them in front of me. Constantly."

 

"Pervert," Tori accused with a small smile, unable deny the relief that flooded through her. Still, she had to dig deep to meet the face across the table from her, an incredulous and infuriated look greeting her when she mustered the courage. "Jade with nothing to say? I'm shocked."

 

"Me too," Rex opined. The whole table turned to look at the dark-haired girl, who's gaze remained locked with Tori until it fell to her untouched meal at the attention she was receiving. "Come on, Jade. Even a grunch like you can't be against Tori's lady loving. It's too hot."

 

There was a moment of quiet before Jade shook her head and began to gather up her things, pushing her tray of food to the middle of the table. "I think it's disgusting," she muttered as she closed up her bag and stood from her seat.

 

"You  _are_ kidding me, right?" Tori had stood up from the table as well, though far more bombastically than Jade had, earning curious looks from the people around them. "Maybe you should stop by the bathroom quick and come back, you always seem to be in a much better mood after you come out of there. What a weird coincidence."

 

Silence immediately followed, both from Jade and any table within a five foot radius of their own. Tori wouldn't admit it, because she was happy to once again be the proud owner of a spine, but there had been a small part of her that was terrified that Jade would jump across the table and rip her throat out. And, judging by the look on her face, it seemed as if Jade had wanted to do just that. "If you have something to say, Tori," Jade began icily, stepping around the table to stalk towards Tori, the students around them giving her a wide berth as she moved, "then say it. We're all desperate to hear."

 

It almost didn't made sense to Tori, how Jade's eyes could look so venomous when she had been kissing Tori and pledging her need for the Latina not two days before. Tori tried not to let that hurt show, tried not to let her gaze waver, not when Jade was staring at her like she had been. Still, she had nothing to respond with, nothing to say to back that she was ready to admit to a parking lot full of people. "That's what I thought," the dark-haired girl breathed before pushing past her.

 

"Tor…" André's hand reached up to grasp her wrist as Jade's form receded towards the school, squeezing it softly while he looked sympathetically. "Don't pay attention to Jade. You know that no one who matters cares about who you date as long as they treat you right."

 

The oh-so-familiar ache in her throat had begun to grow again, stronger than it had been before as Tori tried to keep herself calm. People were still staring at her and André's touch seemed too foreign after the weeks that had passed without him, so Tori had quickly made her excuses, asking for some time alone before speed-walking to wherever her feet wanted to take her.

 

The bathrooms were out, the location too-often visited for someone looking for privacy, so Tori ducked into the library, which had always been a relative ghost town during lunch. She made her way to one of the reference sections, pacing up and down an aisle while she tried to quell the bubble of emotions that felt ready to burst at any given second. Tori knew she wasn't doing herself any favors by getting worked up over Jade, but the rational part of her mind had been in overdrive for the past two days. She hadn't even touched her phone since Jade had showed up in her room on Saturday evening, too afraid of the guilt that would be waiting her the second she opened a text from Lia.

 

"Knock, knock." Tori's head jerked up to the top of the aisle where Noah stood, leaning against the corner of the bookshelf while he looked at Tori with soft baby blue eyes. For the first time after a month of feeling like a ragdoll being tossed about, a tear crept down Tori's cheek - surprising even herself. She tried to brush it off with a laugh and shrug, but the tightness in her throat left her feeling strangled. "Come here, kid."

 

So she stopped thinking, stopped trying to rationalize and reason with herself, stopped tying to push everything down and walked into Noah's open arms, pressing her face into his shoulder and allowing a strangled sob to escape her throat. She muffled the sounds in the thick purple hoodie he had on, hands fisting the material at his hips while her tears soaked it black. The bell for their next period had rung before she was able to calm herself down, but Noah hadn't moved an inch.

 

"I got your sweater wet." Her voice was nearly unrecognizable, raw and stuttered with desperate breaths as she pulled away to inspect the damage she had done to the Lakers gear he had on. Tori shivered, suddenly freezing, and wiped at her cheeks desperately, intending to run off to her Physics class so she could sit in silence awhile and collect herself.

 

"God, I hope water doesn't stain." Noah stood back to look at her and took off the hoodie while he did, wrapping it around her shoulders. When she didn't respond, he grabbed Tori's hands and slid them through the armholes himself, earning a pathetic laugh from the brunette. "My dad would be so proud of me, giving my sweater to a girl. Proud and then terribly, terribly heartbroken all over again."

 

Tori's fingers curled around cuffs of sweater as she leaned back against the row of encyclopedias behind her and hugged herself. "So, it was hard for you? Is?"

 

Shrugging in return, Noah mirrored her position. "It's… life, I guess. Dad got a boy who likes to dance and girl who loves to play hockey. On the plus side though, she's straight." Tori didn't return his sardonic smile. "I think he just doesn't get it – why it's happening to him. Like it's some great affliction on his life to have a gay kid. So, he gets by making passive aggressive comments and I try to make out with as many guys as I can on his bed. Circle of life."

 

"I'm sorry. That your dad's a jerk." Tori leaned her head on Noah's shoulder and let her hands fall to her sides as she took one last shuddering breath before her body finally relaxed from it's implosion.

 

"It's life," he repeated as he reached down to grab her hand. "I got off pretty easy compared to some kids. Is that what you're worried about? Your parents?"

 

Tori sighed a little; Lia had been right, their whole little group probably knew. "No. Not really. My parents don't seem like they'd… care, really, as long as I was happy. My friends wouldn't even care. They just told me. It's… it's me who cares and I hate it."

 

"It's not really something to take lightly," Noah offered. "Lia and I went through it, kid. We both know what it's like. Not everyone jumps out. Especially when they're still not sure what it is they want."

 

Tori closed her eyes upon the introduction of the subtext, wishing she could sink away into Noah's hoodie and wake up a month in the past. "Do we have to talk about it?"

 

"I would prefer to, yes."

 

She laughed at his response and pulled away, wiping at her eyes once more. "Can I at least try to find some cover-up first?"

 

They ended up in one of the dressing rooms backstage in the Black Box Theater, Tori reapplying her foundation after having spent five minutes looking for her color, and Noah sitting on the edge of the counter while drawing on his hand with an eyeliner pencil. By the time she had spilled about everything, his doodling had made it halfway up his forearm.

 

"You have to tell Lia," he said quietly after she had finished, his arm littered in black-colored ivy.

 

"I know. Of course I will." Tori sighed and tossed down the sponge she'd been using; at the very least she looked normal again. She turned to watch the intrinsic lines he had drawn on his skin spread with each mark of the now-dull eyeliner pencil Noah had been using, though it didn't seem to deter him. When she reached up to help fix a smudged line, she saw it: the almost healed over pink dot at the curve of his elbow.

 

He followed her gaze. "You only live once."

 

"Stop," she said softly as her finger traced over the slightly raised skin, déjà vu settling in when she realized it had barely been a day since she had been doing the same thing with Jade.

 

"Okay."

 

"I mean it." Tori felt like a child acting like a grown-up, giving commands to Noah while wearing his too-big sweater.

 

"Okay," Noah repeated and when she looked up he was smiling at her. "But you owe me." Tori scoffed and flicked him in arm before sitting back in her chair, watching as he continued his eyebrow pencil artwork. "So, you like Lia?"

 

A small genuine smile appeared. "Of course I do. I mean… she's gorgeous and sweet and funny and charming and  _normal_."

 

He prodded Tori with his shoe when she faltered. "But?"

 

"If there is a 'but' then I have no idea where to find it," Tori replied honestly.

 

"But, she's not the one you want," Noah offered as he tossed the pencil down and swiveled on the counter so he could plant his feet on either side of Tori's hips on the chair. He grabbed her face and made her look at him. "Isn't life just so much easier when you only like boys?"

 

"You're an idiot." Tori smacked his hands away, unable to bite back the smile on her face.

 

"You should be proud. You went from straight to hooking up with girls like a pro."

 

"Shut up," she said as forcefully as she could through a laugh.

 

"She wouldn't be mad at you, you know. If you ended it."

 

She sighed tiredly. "I hate that you get me all comfortable just to turn around and bring up feelings and all that other junk. It's giving me whiplash." Tori leaned back in her chair, her head hanging off the back while she tried to formulate her response. "I don't think I want to end it with Lia."

 

"But," he pressed once again.

 

She craned her neck back up. "But she might with me anyway, so what's the point worrying about it?"

 

"But, Jade…"

 

"Jade… is mean, and not just normal mean, she's genuinely mean-spirited. She's done nothing except be vile to me since I got here, no matter what I try to do, and I have no idea why I make her so mad in the first place. She's possessive and rude and downright terrifying sometimes. We can barely get along on good days, and those are pretty few and far between."

 

"So that leaves..." he trailed off in mock-thought, "the bedroom. I have to be honest, you don't seem like the kind to be in it just for the sex." Tori's face went bright red and Noah laughed, squeezing her hips with his shoes. "Okay, I think after you're so willingly de-virginized by someone who supposedly hates you in a bathroom at a party, you don't get to blush about sex."

 

"I'll blush about whatever I want, thank you very much," she mumbled, eyes taking a sudden fascination to the shoes by her hips. "Jade… can be nice. And it seems to mean more when it comes from her because it's not just second nature; it's actually her making an effort and it makes it even more sweet. She's funny and she's ridiculously talented, even if she has disturbing taste. She's… never boring."

 

Noah nodded as his fingers tapped along the counter. "I think it's safe to say that Jade West isn't boring. But you get the good with the bad, you know."

 

"What fun is the good without the bad, anyway?" Tori lifted her eyes, a small grin on her lips.

 

"So you  _do_  want to date Jade? Like actually… date her?" He stopped her as her mouth opened. "And don't say that you don't know what you want, because you do."

 

Tori sighed and looked over Noah's knee to her reflection in the vanity. "I just want to be happy. And I don't know how to get that result." She looked up at the blonde boy when he began rustling through his jeans, her eyebrows having knitted together when he presented her with a quarter. "Are you tipping me because you feel bad?"

 

Noah smiled and flicked the coin in the air, only to catch it and hold it out to her again. "The Decider," he said in an ominous voice.

 

She gave him a disbelieving look. "You want me to solve my emotional life crisis with a coin toss?"

 

"Oh, it probably won't solve anything. I think that's still on you. But give it a try." He grabbed Tori's hand, placing the quarter in the center of her palm and curling her fingers around it. The bell rang signaling the start of a new class, but Tori's eyes remained on her fist until Noah spoke up again. "Give it a toss, Tori. Trust me, you'll know which side you're really rooting for when it's in the air."

 

* * *

 

Tori ended up in the library for a second time that day, thankfully sitting at a table surrounded by her friends rather than crying in front of the encyclopedias. The conversation in the group was stilted, the tension thick even though Jade and Tori remained quiet. She had been surprised Jade had joined them at all when their teacher sent the class to do research for their papers, but Tori supposed the other girl was attempting to assert some authority; showing Tori that she wasn't planning on hiding.

 

The Latina had remained preoccupied with the coin in her hand, spinning it around between her fingers while she stared blankly at the table. She was jarred out of her reverie at the sound of the group laughing, her eyes lifting to the commotion, only to find Jade doing the same at the other end of the table. They didn't immediately look away when they caught each other's gaze: Jade didn't sneer, Tori didn't make an excuse to find something else to look at. And again Tori was hit with a sense of déjà vu; the weird calm the settled over her as she and Jade took each other made her flashback to the first time Tori had woken up in bed with Jade still next to her. They both looked away without a cue, Tori swallowing as her eyes fell back to the quarter she was holding.

 

"Have I ever told you that you look good in Lakers colors?" Tori forced a smile at André's comment, but it became more genuine when she actually looked up at him and met his warm brown eyes.

 

"Will you flip this for me?"

 

André took the coin from her with a raised eyebrow. "Okay… why?"

 

"I just… need to make a decision and this is the only way I'll be able to."

 

"Alright," he acquiesced, rubbing the quarter between his hands. "What are we making a decision on?"

 

More guilt settled over Tori at the fact that she hadn't even told her closest friend about anything that had been happening to her, about why it hurt so much to even be around Jade. "Just… girl stuff."

 

André brushed off her comment with a disturbed face and readied the quarter. "Ready?"

 

Tori nodded, returning her eyes to the table and shrinking away into Noah's hoodie. The sound of the coin ringing was loud in her ear and she closed her eyes when she saw him reach for it as it came back down; slapping the quarter on the back of his other hand. "So?"

 

"You have yourself… a George Washington. Congratulations." Tori opened her eyes again, letting out a breath as André slid the quarter back over to her. "So, are you happy with heads or were you secretly hoping for tails?"

 

She smiled a little and looked up at him, her eyes glancing to Jade briefly then back to André. Noah had been right; when the quarter was in the air she had known which side she wanted to see land. "I'm… happy with heads."

 

"Me too. It'd be dreadful if they evolved out." A box was placed in front of Tori as Lia slid into the seat next to her at the end of the table, looking every bit a movie star with hair and make up meticulously done to compliment the strapless gray dress she had on under her jean jacket as if she had just stepped off the runway. "I'm glad I found you here, I can give you your present now instead of stalking out your locker after school."

 

"You didn't actually have to bring me anything back, you know," Tori said softly, unable to come up with anything else.

 

"It's actually more of a communal gift, and my father and I had to sneak out of the show I was in so we could get them, which resulted in us nearly missing our plane, which, in turn, should significantly guilt you all into accepting my present. I am a Brit bearing baked goods." Lia reached over and pulled off the top of the box to reveal two-dozen multi-colored cupcakes, much to the delight of Cat who squeaked her approval at the sight of them. Lia grabbed one from the neat holder inside the box before pushing it to the center of the table. As the others looked over the assortment and talked amongst themselves about the flavors, the blonde girl leaned towards Tori, sliding the cupcake she had chosen over to her and speaking quietly, "Sweets for my sweet. Red velvet. Your favorite, right?"

 

Tori didn't even remember talking to Lia about things like cupcake flavors, though she surely had mentioned it at some point, but Lia had clearly remembered. Tori reached for the cupcake, finger swiping across the icing so she could taste it and Lia's smile brightened as she pulled away, but Tori saw as she took a deep breath, like she was readying herself for battle. "You should have one, Jade. They're fantastic." Jade didn't look up from the notebook she had been writing in, so Lia made another attempt. "I know you love peanut butter, so you have to try-"

 

"You'd be surprised how much my taste pallet has grown since the last time we talked about favorite flavors." Tori recognized the tone well, the snarky bite loud despite the nonchalant air of Jade's voice.

 

Lia blinked, her smile instantly becoming strained. "Well, I asked if they had any dead baby flavored cupcakes in stock, or at the very least, some kitten entrails to throw on one, but they were fresh out." The group turned quiet, though some had to fight off the smile on their faces as they readied themselves for Jade's impending outburst. But none came, the only response being the growth of the smirk on her lips. Tori let out a small relieved breath, even though she knew the other girl would be all bite with the others around them.

 

"Can we talk?" Tori asked while she stuffed her hands back into the deep pockets of Noah's sweater, breaking the silence that had fallen over the table.

 

"Of course." The tenseness had left Lia's smile when she turned back to Tori, pushing out her chair so she could stand. They didn't go far, the table of Tori's friends still in sight, but out of earshot, as Lia leaned back against a row of non-fiction books. "I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't be creating more drama with her right now, I know-"

 

"Please don't apologize to me," Tori said, tongue feeling as heavy as her conscious as she tried to speak. "Something happened."

 

"Are you alright?"

 

Tori looked away and swallowed thickly. "Jade came over on Saturday."

 

She didn't hear anything for a few minutes, her own silence surely a reply to Lia's unasked questions. She heard the blonde take in a short, shuddering breath before she gave a meager, humorless laugh. "And I just tried to give her a cupcake." When Tori finally looked up she was unable to read the expression on Lia's face, her dark blue eyes seemingly conflicted about what to express. "I guess that's why you didn't call yesterday. God, I'm such an idiot."

 

"Lia, I'm so sorry. I didn't… she just... broke in and she was messed up and…" Tori let out a breath and shook her head. "I'm the one who didn't have a backbone. I should have stopped her. She didn't even know we were, like, a real thing-"

 

"She knows, Tori," Lia sighed, shaking her own head and looking away. "This is… I shouldn't have pushed you for something when you had Jade-sized emotional baggage to carry around."

 

"Do you even know how ridiculous it is that you're trying to make this sound like your fault?" Tori couldn't help but laugh quietly; daring to reach out and grasp the edge of the blonde's hand, immensely relieved when the only response she received was Lia's gaze returning to hers. "I told them," she said quietly, nodding towards her table full of friends. "That I was going to date a girl."

 

Lia gave her a polite smile, though it was stripped warmth behind it. "Well, I see that it went fine with them. Did Jade follow your lead then?"

 

"No, she said it was disgusting." Lia's faced instantly turned concerned and she squeezed Tori's hand, readying to say something undoubtedly perfect, but Tori spoke first, "And I don't care. Really. I just… I don't want to deal with it anymore. I want to be happy. And I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Lia, and I'd get it if you slapped me right now and never spoke to me again, but…"

 

Lia looked down at her feet, speaking as certainly as ever despite her downcast eyes. "I can't be the girl you date during the day if Jade's going end up in your room at night."

 

"I don't want that," Tori insisted, shaking her head. "I just…"

 

"Tori, I didn't ask you for a commitment before because I didn't want to rush you into anything, but it evidently left some gray areas that aren't working out that well." Tori looked away, eyes landing on her preoccupied group of friends across the room. "And… I'm not exactly a relationship person, to be honest, but even if I don't want to push you for commitment, I think I have to lay down some ground rules. Like, no sleeping with Jade. Or any other girl, for that matter. Actually, I think I'm going to just make it a blanket rule about sleeping with anyone else in general-"

 

"I can't believe you're actually even considering trying this… whole thing out again," Tori said breathlessly.

 

Lia's genuine smile returned again, soft and sweet as she tilted her head. "I'd like to take you out again. And even if I can't show you off, I'd like it if I was the only one who got to kiss you while we see if this works out."

 

Tori didn't hesitate when she made her move, obviously catching Lia by surprise when she drew the blonde in and kissed her square on the mouth. Lia smiled against her lips, her arms wrapping around Tori's waist and pulling her closer as she returned the kiss in kind: inviting and delicate but by no means chaste.

 

" _That_  was lovely little moment," Lia murmured as they split apart with one last press of their lips.

 

"They make life worth while," Tori replied breezily as her coffee-colored eyes opened to meet deep blue.

 

"Do it again!" Came André's excited voice from the table, finally making Tori clue back into the fact that they were still in a very public place. And though they got a few looks from some of the other kids in the library, it was only her friends who really seemed to care.

 

"Probably should have warned you about that. Guys are always going to stop and stare."

 

Tori laughed and stepped back from Lia, grabbing her hand again as she looked bashfully over to the table. Jade's seat was unsurprisingly empty, though everyone else seemed overzealous at the development, eager to ask questions and leading them to blow off the whole period talking over cupcakes. 

 

* * *

 

"I'll see you after school, then?" Lia asked as she dropped Tori off at her locker before the Latina's next class, their hands linked.

 

"I will definitely call you," Tori confirmed as she swapped out her books and retired Noah's sweater for the rest of the day. She closed her locker and leaned against it, laughing quietly to herself. "I'm still trying to process today."

 

"It's been eventful for you, apparently. My Monday afternoons usually consist of making out with gorgeous girls in the library." At Tori's laugh, Lia smiled and leaned in, pressing her lips to Tori's cheek while she gave the other girl's arm a squeeze. "Until later, love."

 

"Say 'cheerio.'"

 

"Not on your life."

 

Tori laughed and closed her locker as she watched Lia retreat down the hall, only to have her eyes be drawn to the spot of black amongst the colorful halls of Hollywood Arts. Jade's form was hastily walking away from her own locker and Tori hesitated before following the dark haired girl, knowing she had to say something, make some sort of stand about how things were going to be from then on. So she risked being late to her next class and attempted to keep Jade's fast-moving form in her line of sight.

 

When the raven-haired girl turned a corner Tori ran to catch up, but the hallway she had turned into was empty. The Latina frowned for a moment, but her eyes landed on the bathroom door and she quickly pushed it open, only to feel dejected at the silence she heard when she entered, and leaving her wondering just how the hell Jade managed to disappear so quickly. She turned to leave when she thought she heard it; someone sniffling, followed by a light cough.

 

Tori was about to say something when the stall door on the end opened with a bang, Jade walking out and giving a small start when she saw Tori there. She recovered quickly though, quirking her studded eyebrow, a smirk already on her lips as she spoke.

 

"Well, if it isn't the blushing bride," she drawled, eyes wide and dry as she walked towards the sinks. "Can I help you or something?"

 

"I thought you were crying…" Tori said stoically.

 

It earned an immediate reaction from the other girl, a snort followed by an incredulous look directed at her via the mirror. "Oh my god, you're serious." When Tori didn't give an immediate response, Jade outright laughed, a harsh bitter sound that echoed in the empty room. "So, tell me, why am I supposed to be crying?"

 

Tori stared at Jade, who's own gaze had returned to herself in the mirror as she preened, constricted eyes vibrant despite the fluorescent lighting. She sighed but straightened her back, spine once again firm despite the small fracture it had received that day. "I just wanted to tell you that… I'm not trying to rub it in your face or make you upset or-"

 

"And why," Jade sniffed and turned to face her, "would I be upset?

 

"I don't know, Jade. Why would you be getting high in the school's bathroom an hour before we get out?" Tori inquired in an exasperated voice, a breath heaving out of her.

 

Jade was quiet for for a minute, though her smile had turned twisted. "Variety is the spice of life. You know that though, don't you? Went all the way across the pond for your – is it girlfriend? I assume it is, since that seemed to be what you were pushing on me."

 

"I wasn't pushing any-" Tori stopped and looked away, livid at herself for falling for Jade's bait so easily. "I just wanted to tell you I'm not doing this to hurt you."

 

"You seem to hold yourself in pretty high regard. But, I guess  _I_  knew that already." She took a step, and then another, eyes wide and dangerous as she made her way closer to Tori. "Do you think I care? Honestly. Do you think it makes any difference to me that you threw yourself at the closest thing you could find when I said no?"

 

"I'm done being tortured by you, Jade," Tori stated, her voice whispered but her eyes steady.

 

"Did I torture you?" Jade asked once again, the question lacking the warmth it had the last time she had inquired. She crossed the short gap between them until she was standing toe-to-toe with the Latina, glazed eyes untiring as they zeroed in on Tori's. "I already got what I wanted from you, Tori. I don't care what you do. But, the thing is, I don't buy this. I think you like being tortured by me. I'm willing to bet all the money in the world that Barbie doesn't make you feel half as good as I did."

 

Tori didn't reply but she barely allowed herself to blink for fear of creating a crack in her already hard-pressed tough demeanor. Jade stared at her like prey, her smirk as taunting as every spoken word. "You already miss it, don't you? Miss  _me_? Are you that pathetic, Tori, or am I filling in too many blanks on my own? But, I mean, why else would you even be  _here_  if you weren't desperate to get fucked again? Oh, wait, it wasn't just about that for you. You had it in your deluded little head that we were Romeo and Juliet, right?" Jade's teeth bore as she gave a small breathy laugh. "You can't stop thinking about me, can you?"

 

"No," Tori replied honestly as she found her voice again, strong and sure. "But the thing is, Jade... I'd bet all the money in the world that you can't stop thinking about me, either." She turned without another word and headed toward her last class.

 

Jade was the night; porcelain skin protected by the dark hair, clothes and make up that she chose, her armor from the world. She was mysterious and brash, and inviting despite it all. She enjoyed being the rose, but she wanted even more for you to get close enough to get pricked by the thorns she so loved to expose. Jade was tails, alternative and obtuse, intrigue and pain.

 

Lia was sunshine; she was golden hair, deep blue eyes and warm comforting hands. She was freckles that she didn't try to hide under make up and kisses that she loved to bestow. She could bare her teeth with the best of them, but her smile could light up a room. Lia was heads, sweetness and strength, transparency and compassion. She hadn't lied when she told André she was happy with result of her coin toss.

 

But when the quarter was in the air, it had been tails that Tori was hoping for.


	5. Part Five

"I have something to tell you." She had never seen her parents as tense as they had been at that moment, muscles rigid as they sat at the edge of the other couch despite the fact that they had obviously been trying to keep the worry out of their eyes for her sake. Still, Tori hesitated. Lia was sitting a foot away, close enough for comfort but far enough that Tori still felt she was speaking on her own volition rather than being coerced. "I'm… interested in girls and-"

 

"Oh, thank God." Her father rose from the couch and ran a hand through his hair while her mother visibly relaxed back into the seat.

 

"And… I'm glad you're so… happy…"

 

"Honey," her mother started from her spot on the couch, "when your teenage daughter says she has something she needs to tell you, your mind's gonna jump to the worst possible scenario."

 

Tori's nose scrunched. "Okay…"

 

"Tori, I couldn't care less if you dated an alarm clock, but," her father kneeled down in front of her and grabbed her face, "I am too young to be a grandfather."

 

"You thought I was pregnant?"

 

"My dad had the same reaction," Lia said from her other side. "Then he told me to give up on boys completely and exclusively date girls until I was out of college so I'd never have to worry about it."

 

"Yes," Tori's father nodded, still holding Tori's cheeks in his hands. "The British girl clearly knows what she's talking about. Listen to her. Date all the girls you want."

 

"You're being ridiculous, David," Tori's mother sighed as she reached over to tug on the collar of her husband's shirt until he relented and let go of their daughter's face. Tori watched the wheels turn in her mother's head as her eyes found their way to the blonde girl in the room. "Sorry, I don't think we've met."

 

"Lia Petrosini," an Italian inflection crept into the edge of Lia's British accent as she introduced herself, her hand extending across to shake Tori's mother's then following with her father's. "I've been courting your daughter."

 

"Well, it's lovely to meet you. I'm Holly and this is my husband Dave and we're-"

 

"Really glad you can't get our daughter pregnant," Tori's father interjected, causing both his daughter and his wife to rub their temples.

 

"Yes, well… you're right not to worry about that, I suppose…"

 

"She seems great, sweetie," Dave stated abruptly, standing up to head to the kitchen but not before dropping a kiss on his tense daughter's forehead.

 

"Yes, Lia, it's wonderful to meet you." Tori's mother reached for the remote and flipped on the TV. "Tori, you'll have to distinguish girlfriends from girl-friends so I can know who's who."

 

"So… that's it?" Tori asked disbelievingly, her eyes skipping from person to person. "I can honestly say that even if I expected the same outcome, this is not how I imagined this would go."

 

Holly smiled sweetly as her husband returned to his seat next to her, a drink in each hand. "Well, I'm glad you know us better than to upset over something like this. But don't get pregnant. We know we lucked out with getting one daughter who's already her own birth control, but we'd like to not have to worry about you either."

 

* * *

 

"Relationship question."

 

"Yes, love?"

 

"Is it bad that I'm admitting to you that I can't take my eyes off Noah?"

 

"Hmm." Lia seemed lost in thought despite looking utterly content as she stretched out on her towel, blending in seamlessly with the California bleach blondes that were scattered about. She lifted her sunglasses for a moment to appraise the subject in question, who had been tossing a frisbee with André and earning the attention of every girl within a twenty foot radius. "Normally, I'd say yes, but he does have that wonderful little v-thing at his hips."

 

"It's hypnotic," Tori concurred, though her eyes left the blonde boy's pelvic region to take in the girl next to her. A deep purple bikini was the only protection Lia had from the bright rays and she filled it out  _perfectly_.

 

"Don't get too attached. I've tried before; he doesn't seem the least bit interested in experimenting with girls. Such a shame." Even with the dark shades Lia had on, Tori could see blue eyes slowly make their way up the blonde boy's body.

 

"Is it better with guys or girls?"

 

Lia's gaze slanted over to Tori; scrutinizing her body the same way she had been Noah's and making the brunette squirm under the attention. "It's subjective, I suppose."

 

"Well, what do you prefer?"

 

"It seems to me… girls are more desperate to please, while guys are more desperate in general." The blonde turned on one side, head resting in her hand. "And girls obviously know their way around a little more, but boys have their own unique… ruggedness." Her free hand reached over to play with the bikini string that had escaped from Tori's shorts. "Just their whole… aura of manliness. Makes you feel protected and all that jazz. And there's something to be said about how sexy stubble can fell when you're making out with them."

 

"You still haven't answered my question." Her voice was foreign and breathy as each brush of the blonde's fingers across her stomach made her muscles quiver, and Lia's eyebrow quirked in response to the reaction.

 

"When it comes down to it, I suppose I'll go with fairer, gentler, 'better-at-sex' sex." Upon Tori's derisive snort the blonde grinned and leant over the tan girl, planting butterfly kisses on her neck while she defended herself. "I will not be made to feel ashamed about my hormones, Tori Vega."

 

The sun had just begun to set when Tori found herself in front of the full-length mirror in Lia's room, her hair damp from the shower she had taken earlier in the evening and cheeks flushed from the wine she had been steadily consuming since the dinner Lia's father had prepared for them. They had promised her their most bearable Merlot, having always used a half-cup in their spaghetti sauces, and she drank it without complaint even though she had to put in an effort to not make a face as the dry flavor assaulted her taste buds.

 

It had been more bearable as the day faded, sipping after every other bite of food had drained her first glass in no time, and then her next, while Lia and her father finished a bottle between them. Her father had an event to attend that evening and when his car had arrived to take him he had left the rest of the second bottle with the girls, pressing a kiss to the side of his daughter's head and saying something in Italian before taking his leave.

 

Tori's head was heavy by the time she heard the blow-dryer turn off in the adjoining room, her fingers trailing down the exquisitely crafted frame of the antique mirror, the white paint having chipped in some places and added to the charm. She smiled at the sound of the door opening behind her and turned her head to greet a towel-clad Lia.

 

"How was your shower?"

 

"Lovely. I'd marry that showerhead if I could." Tori turned back to admire the wood frame, her nails slipping across the grooves carved into it. Lia's skin was artificially cold from the air-conditioning as she wrapped her arms around Tori's waist, her lips ghosting over the Latina's skin as she spoke. "I'd want to stare at you all day too, I suppose."

 

Tori laughed and leaned back into her. "It's a gorgeous mirror. The wine is making me appreciate it more."

 

"It was my mother's. Passed on from her mother and her mother's mother. I suppose I'll have to pop out a girl in a few years so she can inherit the thing." Her chin landed on Tori's shoulder, hands scorching across the gap of skin between Tori's shirt and shorts and making the brunette shiver.

 

Tori took a generous sip of her wine before setting the glass down; willing her body to react normally again to Lia's smile and touches like it had that afternoon. She accepted the lips on her own when Lia leaned over for a kiss, she responded accordingly when Lia stepped around her shoulder to face her and kiss her more deeply, she even lifted her arms to aid in the removal of her shirt, but still, her heart didn't race, her skin didn't tingle, her breathing remained calm and level.

 

She stopped Lia when the blonde had started to play with the belt cinched around her waist, her conscience feeling heavy as she tried to come up with an excuse, but Lia seemed unruffled. Her fingers instead chose to trail up each of Tori's arms while she continued to kiss her, until she pulled back a moment later, the smile on her face not quite lighting up her blue eyes like they normally did.

 

"I-"

 

"You don't need to make excuses, Tori." She pecked Tori one last time and then pivoted, heading towards the dresser on the other side of the room. "Really. Let's just…" the blonde trailed off for a moment as she dug through her drawers, turning when she successfully found something to change into, eyes locking with Tori's. "Let's just be honest with each other, okay?"

 

She couldn't have possibly held Lia's gaze after that, but she nodded as sincerely as one could nod. Her coffee eyes landed on the glass she had set down. "I think I had too much wine."

 

"I've successfully wined you and dined you, then?" A grin broke out on Tori's face despite her heavy heart. "Might be smarter for us to wait on all that anyway, don't you think?" She nodded again and finally looked up to meet blue eyes again as Lia advanced towards her. "Now, just because I can't recline you doesn't mean that we're done with the girl-on-girl for the evening. Just let me change and I'll join you on the couch for the seven-thirty viewing of  _Imagine Me & You_. You must watch the movies of your newfound people, young one."

 

Tori gave a small laugh, pleasing Lia enough that she received another kiss on the cheek before she left the room to allow the blonde to change, her head feeling weighty and cheeks warm in spite of the constant breeze that blew from the vents. She hadn't even noticed the smile on her face had been forced until she found herself alone in the hallway, relief flooding her as she broke the character she hadn't even realized she had slipped into again.

 

Everything with Lia seemed too hard for being so easy.

 

* * *

 

Not thinking about Jade was all that Tori had thought about since their confrontation in the bathroom. The raven-haired girl had become more reclusive as the weeks had gone on, no longer voluntarily associating with her former friends and frequently skipping any of her performance-heavy classes, while seeming to be checked out when she did manage to show up anyway. She still always seemed put together, but there was something inherently out of place. Still, Tori wouldn't allow herself to look closely at the other girl, her attempt at not giving into the obsession she had developed.

 

Try as she might though, Tori couldn't stop the dreams. The ones that had her waking up with a start, heart racing and stomach tight. On nights when she was too frenzied to think straight, her hand would find its way under her pajama bottoms and desperately try to mimic what Jade had done to her that night in that bathroom, but to no avail. Every time the guilt and frustration proved to be too much for Tori, always earning a pathetic sob and tears that she resented.

 

* * *

 

Another Friday night found them at another unfamiliar house with another crowd of equally unfamiliar people. Tori could pick out maybe two people she recognized as Hollywood Arts students, but the rest of the faces in the in the array were a mystery to her. With Lia's hand holding her own she found herself tossing back another colorful pill and dancing until her feet ached.

 

She saw her when the three of them had decided to take a water break. Tori had been leaning against the wall between the blondes she had arrived with, Lia chatting excitedly with one of the girls she recognized from a shoot she had done, while Noah had his back turned to her as he flirted with a dark haired boy from West Hollywood, leaving Tori to scour the room in peace. Jade sat with the now-familiar dopey smile on her face as she leaned back on the couch, apparently telling hilarious jokes judging by the reaction she received whenever she opened her mouth.

 

A pair of lips pressing against her cheek made Tori tear her eyes away, the fear of having been caught fading when she took in Lia's still-cheerful face. "Going to go talk to some friends for a minute, love."

 

She had disappeared into the assembly of people before Tori could say a thing, not that she would have anyway. Her heartbeat was rapid, faster than the music that was making the windows rattle, so she turned to find some comfort in Noah's warm smile and bad body spray, only to see he had apparently been successful with his conquest as he was nowhere to be found. Tori stepped out into the hallway and glanced around, then returned to the living room only to find that it seemed like the entire crowd had changed. Jade was no longer on the couch and when she crossed the room and headed in the direction Lia had gone, the blonde seemed to have disappeared too.

 

Tori stopped in the threshold between the living room and the kitchen, finding it hard to concentrate with people bumping past her. She was thankful for the normal lighting, but the vibrations still seemed to be making her brain rattle in her head. The Latina could feel herself start to panic despite her best intentions to stay calm, leading her to search through the main floor again only to end up frenzied and friendless once more.

 

Smoke was heavy in the air as she pushed her way out the front door and passed the group of kids with cigarettes, most of who were looking down at their phones while they continued their conversations. The LA air had been humid and heavy and provided her little relief from her overheated skin and racing heartbeat. The smell of smoke had begun to make her feel nauseous, leading Tori around the corner of the house so she could lean back against the wall in peace. Well, as much peace as she could get with a window rattling above her head.

 

Even with the pounding music and her own labored breathing, Tori had picked up the distinct sound of footsteps on gravel as they crossed the same driveway she just had. She glanced up, assuming it to be someone who was going to interrupt her panic attack by throwing up five feet away from her, but it was Jade who turned the corner, slowing to a stop when she spotted Tori.

 

"I saw you head over here… you looked lost." Her face was as unreadable as it always seemed to be, but her arms opened when Tori stepped forward and embraced her, pressing her cheek against Jade's own cool one. Relief and a sense of déjà vu had flooded her the moment she saw the other girl, but it wasn't until Jade's hands settled on her back that the tenseness left her muscles and she felt she could relax again.

 

"I am." Save for the window rattling above them and the distant sound of chatter from the partygoers, it had been quiet while Tori squeezed Jade, who stood without complaint and smelled of smoke. Jade's fingers curled on Tori's back upon her whispered reply, bunching the brunette's shirt in her fists and making Tori swallow in return. Her grip around the other girl lessened and she retreated a whole inch, but she was unable to make herself go farther away. They were still close, dangerously so Tori thought, and one of Jade's hands had relinquished its hold on her shirt to move up to Tori's jaw, holding it softly and making the Latina's breathing increase again.

 

"Did I torture you?" It was the third time she had asked the question, or a variation of it at the very least, but it lacked the teasing tone it had the previous times. Jade was impossible to read with her glassy eyes but her hand was gentle, fingers brushing over Tori's cheek and lips and chin.

 

"You still are," Tori murmured back the intended joke but it came out like a plea and earned her Jade's gaze, which had been following her fingers journey on their trek across Tori's face. Tori wanted so desperately to kiss her again, to forget about everything for a little while, but even with amphetamine humming through her she couldn't bring herself to close the gap.

 

Jade's hand slid from Tori's chin down to her neck, palm resting on the racing pulse she found at Tori's jugular, her touch still cool and calming on the brunette's overheated skin. A startling flash of clarity seemed to flash across blue eyes even as Jade's voice remained calm and steady. "I'm sorry."

 

The sound of gravel crunching stopped her from responding and evidently caused Jade to step away completely, though her gaze remained locked with Tori's. "Oh, thank god." The accent caught her attention before the words and when she looked past Jade's shoulder she found Lia, standing breathless and red-faced, eyes wide with worry. "Noah said he hadn't seen you… I was so afraid something had happened to you _."_

 

"I just panicked-"

 

"Maybe," after her whispered words Jade's voice seemed booming as she turned on heel and began walking away, "you shouldn't drug your girlfriend and then ditch her at a party."

 

* * *

 

Their ride back to Tori's is quiet after the initial debate on whether Lia was okay to drive them home, though the blonde had been agreed to go considerably slower than she normally would have, as per Tori's request. Tori hadn't known how to even begin to broach a conversation, so she waited until the blonde had decided where she wanted to start. The streetlights flashed as they passed by, giving her half-second glimpses of Lia illuminated in orange, hands tense and reflexively squeezing the wheel.

 

"I shouldn't have left you." It looked as if she was going to say more but instead she shook her head and looked out the driver's side window.

 

"It was my own fault, Lia. Really. I shouldn't have freaked out." When Lia didn't respond Tori's eyes fell. "If you're worried that something happened between me and-"

 

"Tori." Lia shook her head again and they continued once again in mutual silence, the sound of the heat running filling the gap for them until they pulled up in front of Tori's house. When she put the car in park, Lia all but deflated back into her seat. "You're utterly enamored with her, aren't you?"

 

"Sometimes." She had enough sense to not attempt to lie to the blonde, but still Tori felt terrible responding. She reached over to grab the Brit's hand, earning her a semi-reluctant smile. "I'm enamored with you, too."

 

Lia brought their joined hands up so she could kiss the back of Tori's, smile morphing into a heart-wrenchingly sad grin. "You don't look at me like you look at her. Which I could deal with if it was just a sex thing, but it's clearly not." Her azure eyes dropped and landed on their clasped fingers when Tori didn't reply. "Are you in love with her, little dove?"

 

"God, I hope not," she blurted without thinking.

 

Lia burst into laughter and looked away, a genuine quirk having found its way to the corners of her lips when she turned back to Tori. "Stop making me regret doing the smart thing, Tori Vega."

 

"Nothing's going to happen with her, Lia. We don't have to break up." Tori looked at her with sincerity in her eyes while she swallowed, trying to express herself in a more meaningful way but coming up short. "I don't want to."

 

"I think… it's probably for the best, love. I'd rather bow out now and still like you than hold on and resent you for something that you can't help." Lia leaned over and kissed the Latina softly, squeezing her hand when she pulled away. She cleared her throat before continuing with a brave face that was obviously for Tori's sake more than her own. "Now get out of my car so I can go back to that party and drown my sorrows. It'll give us something to talk about when I call you tomorrow."

 

Tori nodded but her throat was tight with emotion. "I'm sorry, Lia."

 

"Tori, if it's not working out, then it's not working out. You don't have anything to apologize for. Maybe I'll give you partial blame for the impending hangover I'll receive, but I'm afraid I like you too much to let you be sad over me, as flattering as that is."

 

"I  _am_  sad. I really wanted this to work." She swallowed again before imploring, "You have to know that."

 

"I do, Tor. So did I. It's just… not."

 

For the first time in weeks, Tori finally had something she could discuss with André. He had even offered to bring the cocoa when he came over to mourn the loss of his new favorite lesbian couple, and Tori, for the life of her, couldn't believe how normal she felt again. And how unbelievably grateful she was that she could pick up with André so easily again. Even if she hadn't been able to tell him the real reason Lia had broken up with her.

 

* * *

 

The next week had gone by quietly, both the absence of Jade (who no one had seen at school since the previous Friday) and her cooled down relationship with Lia (who still talked to her every day without fail but no longer sought Tori out like she previously had) huge contributing factors. With neither of them around like they were before, her life felt less daunting than it previously had, allowing her to focus on herself rather than her love life.

 

Still, Jade's extended absence had left a weight on her chest, and she was sure it would have even if she hadn't gotten involved in a complicated relationship with the goth girl. No one seemed to have heard from her – Tori had gone so far as to send Mike a message on his Slap page to see if he'd been hanging out with her, but he had replied saying he hadn't seen her since the party they had gone to on Saturday.

 

It wasn't until Friday after school that she had heard anything. She had been standing at her locker discussing her homework load for the weekend with Robbie (and Rex) when Lia had approached her looking entirely not like herself.

 

"Excuse me, Mr. Shapiro, but may I speak with my ex-girlfriend alone for a moment? We need to discuss who's going to get the kids on the weekends."

 

"I'll leave if you give me the last two digits of your phone number."

 

"It's been less than a week since we broke up and you're already hitting on my ex-girlfriend?" Tori asked incredulously as she pulled out the textbooks she needed to take home.

 

Upon Robbie's shrug Lia chimed in. "I'm sorry, Robbie, but while she was on her deathbed my mother made me swear that I'd never date a ventriloquist."

 

"Really?"

 

"No, she died in a car accident. She is dead though, which should hopefully make you feel awkward enough to stop trying to pick me up and leave."

 

Robbie nodded his assent, his usual self-deprecating smile on his face. "You are correct, madam."

 

"What's up?" Tori asked upon the awkward boy's leave, noticing that Lia wasn't alone when she turned to face her – across the hallway, a disheveled Noah stood leaning against the lockers. She smiled at the blonde boy, but when he looked away immediately she felt the weight settle back in on her chest. "What's wrong?"

 

"Something happened and before you freak-"

 

She pushed passed Lia and moved towards the guilty face across the hall. "What happened?"

 

"She's okay," he mumbled and stepped forward, only daring to glance up at her with sullen blue eyes. "She just had to go to the hospital last night." Tori slammed her hands into his chest, sending him crashing back against the lockers with a clatter and earning them the attention of the few students who still remained in the halls. Noah met her gaze then, with a look that she probably would have found incredibly endearing had the situation been different. "She just… took too much and brought her straight to the ER. She was only there for a few hours before she was released. She's safe and sound at-"

 

"You promised you wouldn't anymore." Try as she might, it hadn't come out as the forceful accusation she had hoped, but a pathetic whisper. Her hands dropped back to her sides, and the curious bystanders who had been standing out of earshot seemed to lose interest at that and meandered off. Tori glanced over her shoulder at the blonde behind her. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

 

"I didn't want to tell anyone over the phone. I thought I'd find you guys when I came to get Jade's homework for her." Noah looked down and kicked at the backpack at his feet. "I'm sorry, kid. I was an idiot."

 

"Well, we can all agree that Noah is an idiot." Lia appeared beside Tori, bending down to pick the backpack off the floor before she slid her arm the tanned girls slim waist. "But thank god for that bone structure. Tori and I will take her stuff over, love. You look like you could use a nap."

 

* * *

 

"For some reason, I always expected her house to be next to a cemetery. Or, at the very least, have a little more of an  _Addams Family_ kind of vibe." The British girl leaned over the center console in her car to get a better view at Jade's home. "It's odd, isn't it?"

 

"I shouldn't have gotten mad at Noah." Tori had spent the entire ride to Jade's regretting her blow up involving the blonde boy, allowing her a distraction from what had really been plaguing her mind. "God, why did I get so mad at him?"

 

"PMS?"

 

"This isn't funny," she whined and smacked Lia's shoulder.

 

"Darling, you had every right to get mad at him. He enabled Jade to do something that caused her to end up in a hospital. Besides, someone that good-looking needs to be knocked down a peg every once in awhile." A kiss was pressed to Tori's cheek before the blond leaned back and settled comfortably into her own seat again.

 

Tori sighed but smiled at the feel of the other girl's lips against her. "So, I guess you need to be knocked down a peg, too?"

 

"I think you've done more than enough damage to my self-esteem, thank you very much." She laughed at the repeated smack to her shoulder. "Stop abusing me. It might be a hate crime, Ms. America."

 

"You're ridiculous, you know that?"

 

"No, not approving of free healthcare is ridiculous. Now," the blonde reached into the backseat and heaved the bag of books into Tori's lap, "get out of here before it becomes too maddening to my sensitive ego that I drove you here in the first place, considering we just broke up."

 

Tori stared at the bag in her lap and then glanced nervously towards the house. "You're not coming in?"

 

"Are you out of your mind? I'm not exactly her favorite person lately and I just naturally assume that every American owns a gun. Not a winning combination. Besides, she probably doesn't want to see  _anyone_  right now anyway." She had reached over to squeeze Tori's arm, sincerity in her eyes and voice as she spoke, "So, you know, good luck with that."

 

"Thanks," she managed after rolling her eyes, though the sentiment was appreciated considering the potential lion's den she was walking into. After being assured more than once that Lia would be there to pick her up as soon as she was beckoned, Tori slowly made her way to the looming house, only to find herself greeted upon her arrival at the front door.

 

"Toni!"

 

"It's 'Tori', Mrs. West."

 

"I knew that, I swear." The blonde woman gave Tori a cheerful smile that seemed so out of place with Jade's teal eyes. "I'm glad you're here, I have a business dinner tonight and I didn't really want to leave my daughter alone – she just got out of the hospital."

 

"I know. I came to bring her homework." She lifted the backpack to accentuate her point.

 

"Well, that definitely looks like more than a day's worth, doesn't it? I'm sure she'll be glad to see you... or the exact opposite. Probably the latter," she whispered with a smile, patting Tori's shoulder as she brushed passed and headed towards her car. "Try to make her eat something, will you? I don't know where she got those boobs but I'll be damned if she loses them like this. Lovely to see you again, sweetie!"

 

Tori blinked and stood motionless until the car had pulled out of the driveway, her mind still heavy with the question of how a woman like that could produce Jade. She supposed her father's drollness had combined with the over-cheerful nature of her mother and had somehow created something angry.

 

Upon her second walkthrough of the West residence, Tori allowed herself to wander and take in the eerily quiet home while she worked up the nerve to actually seek Jade out. While immaculately decorated, the house seemed impersonal and cold save for the few pictures that were scattered about. It was as if she was walking through a model home, stock photos of a family she didn't really recognize filling space in an attempt to make it feel more 'cozy'.

 

She knocked tentatively on Jade's door, but pushed through without waiting for an answer – she was sure there probably wouldn't have been one anyway – and found herself squinting as she looked around the room for the other girl. She spotted her when a head popped up from the mountain of covers on the bed, obviously unimpressed by the intrusion of light in her dark space.

 

"Leave."

 

Tori almost had, figuring it to be safer to drop the bag and run, but against her better judgment she stepped further into the room and closed the door behind her. She gave her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light, or lack thereof, before she attempted to move uncertainly through the shadows.

 

"I brought your homework," she said quietly after swallowing the lump in her throat. She sat down at the foot of the bed as she opened the backpack and began sorting through the books and worksheets, dividing them by whom they belonged to and what class they were from – a task that proved difficult and frustrating when one couldn't see. Tori bit her lip when she heard the sheets rustling above her head, but reminded herself of the spine she had.

 

"Are you hard of hearing or something? I'm not in the-"

 

"I'm not going anywhere, so you can lay back down or you can start your homework." She kept her voice casual, which was as much of a white flag as she was willing to show. Tori could feel Jade looming above her but she refused to give in and look back at her. "What do you want for dinner? I could order-"

 

"I'm not hungry." There was a thump as Jade presumably fell back onto the bed. "Can you just leave? I'm really not up to an annoying visitor right now."

 

"I don't think you should be alone right now."

 

"Well, I don't care what you think." It was weird how much Tori had missed that snipped tone. "Get out of my house before I call the cops."

 

She sighed and picked up one of her textbooks. "Your mom wanted me to stay and make sure you eat. Can we turn on a light? I have to work on my Physics."

 

"The light gives me a headache and I can't keep anything down, so why don't you go play Holly Homemaker with your girlfriend so I can get some sleep."

 

With another sigh, Tori dropped the Physics textbook right back into the pile of her homework and stood, walking around to the side of the bed so she could collapse on the mattress next to other girl. Jade grunted as the bed shook but gave no other response to the invasion of her personal space.

 

"How do you fe-"

 

"I don't want to talk. I don't want to eat. I don't want to do my homework. I don't want to do  _anything_." Her voice had petered out to a whisper by the end of her sentence, having picked up an almost pleading tone that made Tori glance over to her even though Jade was lying with her back to the Latina.

 

"Okay," Tori replied quietly as she turned on her own side. She reached out tentatively, intending to smooth a hand down the other girl's back or do something that would be in anyway comforting, but she stopped herself, leaving fingers curling around the duvet on the bed in the space between them.

 

It was hard to tell how much time had gone by in their little cave, but Tori was sure hours had passed when she finally moved from the bed. Jade didn't react beside her – other than the occasional shiver that ran down her spine the raven-haired girl hadn't moved at all. Tori slipped out of the room, moving as silently as she could across the thick carpet and squinting as she readjusted to the bright lights of the hall. She wandered around the house until she made her way to the kitchen, checking the clock on the stove to confirm the time.

 

The sun was already setting, but it seemed like Jade's mother hadn't made it back to the house yet, so Tori set upon making the one thing even she couldn't screw up: soup. After spending two hours lying down it felt good just to be walking around again, even if it was just to open a can and dump it in a saucepan. Looking around, Tori couldn't help but notice that it still seemed as if she was in a model home: everything was neatly put away or perfectly on display, leaving the Latina with the uneasy sense that she was making a huge mess no matter what she did to clean up after herself.

 

She walked carefully up the stairs while balancing two bowls that chattered against the plates she was carrying them on, stopping when she spotted light filtering under Jade's door. It gave her pause to think that Jade was probably just as conflicted about her being there as Tori was herself, but she wanted to be there and, as stubborn as Jade was, she was sure the blue-eyed girl wanted her there too, if only just a little.

 

"I made soup," she offered softly as she entered, Jade's eyes having snapped to her at the sound of the door creaking. The heavy, gothic-style drapes had been pulled back to let the orange glow of the sunset in, allowing Tori to look at Jade for the first time in a week. The only word she could think to describe her was rundown; her porcelain skin had turned pallid, her eyes had acquired shadows under them, her waistline had shrunk. "It's chicken noodle."

 

Jade didn't move from her computer chair, her gaze trained on Tori as she cautiously walked over and set the soup down on the desk in front of her before returning to her previous spot at the base of the bed, legs stretched out in front of her. She tried to ignore the stare down and tried even harder to not slurp as she ate her soup.

 

"Why?"

 

Tori assumed there was an unspoken second half of the sentence containing the words 'are you here' and shrugged in response to them. "I was worried about you."

 

Jade seemed slightly taken aback by the reply but she composed herself again. "Who told you?"

 

"Who do you think?"

 

"I'm gonna kill that gay blabbermouth," Jade muttered as she wrenched her eyes away from Tori to glare distastefully at the bowl of soup presented before her.

 

"Are you okay?" Tori asked quietly as she stirred the spoon around her bowl. When she received no response, she tried another route. "Your mom didn't seem too mad."

 

"Yeah, mom and the prescription amphetamine donuts she takes to work didn't have much to say. Big surprise there." She scrunched her nose and picked up her own bowl, slowly bring a spoonful of soup to her mouth, as if she was waiting for the taste of poison to hit her. "She's an idiot."

 

"What about your dad?"

 

It was Jade's turn to shrug. "I think my mom downplayed it. Told him I had the flu or something so he'd take my brother for the weekend. She didn't want to worry him."

 

"He  _should_  be worried though." Another shrug was the reply she was given. "Jade, you… you overdosed."

 

"And bonding time has come to an end, thank you so much for coming out to play."

 

"Jade, don't-"

 

"Seriously, Tori. Why are you even here?" Jade seemed more curious than angry, despite the forced bite in her voice. "Regardless of your bland personality, you  _have_  managed to acquire a life of your own. So, why are you wasting it?"

 

"I was worried about you," Tori repeated in a low tone, trying to remain aloof but surely failing miserably. "It felt like my heart stopped when I heard."

 

Jade opened her mouth to reply but seemed to swallow the words back down before she could, leaving them in a silence only broken up by the sound of metal clinking against ceramic. When they finished (or in Jade's case, half-finished) their soup, Tori offered to take the bowls down and wash them but Jade shook her head and grabbed them. Tori, with nothing else to do, followed Jade to the kitchen.

 

"Your house is seriously gorgeous, you know."

 

"Because yours is a total sty?"

 

"No, it's just that I expected… I don't know what I expected, really. I never do when it comes to you." Jade gave no retort as she rinsed out the bowls. "Are you sure you had enough to eat? Your mom's worried that you're losing your boobs."

 

"I am  **not**  losing-" Jade stopped midsentence to pull on the collar of her tank top, allowing her to look down her shirt. "God, they  _are_  smaller." At Tori's snort, Jade glanced over and gave a small laugh herself. "Shut up, A Cup."

 

"Hey! I like my A Cups!" Tori defended, her hand slipping under the still-running water so she could flick water at the other girl.

 

The rest of the night went considerably easier after that, though Tori hadn't found a way to bring up anything vaguely serious with the Jade. Still, it had been nice to even be delegated to small talk for the evening while they tackled their homework. Tori hadn't even realized it was midnight until she received a text from Lia, asking her why her previous messages had gone unanswered and if she needed help.

 

"I didn't realize how late it was."

 

Jade glimpsed at her out of the corner of her eye, hand stilling on the worksheet in her lap. "Well, you can stay if you're allowed."

 

"Okay," Tori replied with a smile. "I'll text my mom and tell her. She's probably still up anyway."

 

"I wasn't talking about your parents," Jade breathed, oozing of indifference.

 

"Oh." Tori had sent her message but continued to stare down at her phone, fiddling it in an attempt to distract herself. "Lia and I… aren't."

 

"Oh."

 

They had thankfully put music on during their study session, which left something to fill the dead air other than the oppressive weight of everything they weren't saying. Jade stood, so suddenly it made Tori jump and drew her eyes back to the dark-haired girl as she strode across her room to her dresser.

 

"Sorry."

 

Tori shook her head and stood as well, leaving her homework forgotten on the floor. "It's not your fault."

 

"I find that hard to believe," Jade muttered as she returned to Tori with sweatpants in hand. A song Tori didn't recognize broke up another moment of silence between them but she held Jade's gaze as confidently as she could, even if she couldn't think of anything to say back. Jade seemed equally at a loss for words. "I'm… gonna take one of my mom's Ambiens. Do you want one?"

 

Tori nodded and changed quickly as Jade left the room, sliding under the covers and waiting patiently. She had no idea how Jade felt about the admission but the shift in atmosphere was apparent and overwhelming. When Jade returned she gave Tori a small white pill and handed her a bottle of water before heading to her laptop to turn off the music.

 

"I am sorry. About you and Lia." From her desk she headed to the light switch, flicking it off and bathing them in darkness again. "She's… great."

 

"She is," Tori agreed with a nod even though she couldn't be seen.

 

Jade settled into her bed inaudibly. "Goodnight, Tori."

 

"Goodnight, Jade."

 

Neither of them fell asleep for hours.

 

* * *

 

The other side of the bed was empty when Tori woke up, but she immediately knew that Jade wasn't far – the sound of retching echoed from down the hall. Still groggy from the Ambien, she fumbled out from under the covers and staggered down the hall until she found the bathroom. Jade was bent over the toilet breathing heavily, her body giving a violent shake with every dry heave it produced. She seemed to be nearing her end when Tori arrived, falling back against the wall with an exhausted breath, her eyes only opening when Tori pressed a water-cooled cloth to her forehead.

 

"Thanks," she muttered in a subdued voice as she took the washcloth in her own hands and idly pressed it against her flushed cheeks and neck.

 

"Jade… are you okay?"

 

"Define 'okay.'"

 

"I mean..." Tori slid down next to the pale girl, leaving a comfortable amount of space between them. Trying to find the balance between comforting and smothering with Jade always seemed to be a thin line to cross. "You're not… are you pregnant?"

 

Jade seemed almost exulted by the prospect but responded with a firm, " _No_."

 

"It would… explain a lot of things and-"

 

"Tori, you're the only person I've done anything with for, like, half a year now, so unless there's something  _you're_  not telling  _me_ , I'm definitely not pregnant."

 

"Oh." Tori wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Well, I'm pretty sure I couldn't manage that no matter how hard I tried."

 

"You're hopeless," Jade muttered as she stood up, dropping the cloth down on Tori's head as she walked by. Tori laughed and threw it back at her before Jade made it out of the room. "Are you coming back to bed?"

 

* * *

 

They spent the rest of the day on the couch, making their way through the vast movie collection the West family had acquired over the years. Jade revealed that it was the only thing she and her mother seemed to have in common, their love for the classics the only reason they chose to spend time together at all. Jade's mother appeared back at the house around noon, only stopping by to shower and to amusedly press a kiss to Jade's forehead before she was off once again, leaving in a flurry of blonde hair and blue eyes.

 

Jade blanched at the sight of any food put in front of her, having to rush back to the bathroom at even the smell of toast being made. Tori had internally debated it over and over in her head before calling in support. Noah hadn't taken long to arrive but he seemed relieved that it was Tori answering the door rather than Jade.

 

"Ginger ale," he held up the bottle Vanna White-style before passing it to her and digging through the pockets of his hoodie and pulling out a small sandwich bag containing two joints, "and some herbal reinforcements."

 

"Because I'm so sure that's the best thing for someone who's detoxing, right?"

 

Noah shrugged and pressed the see-through bag into her hands anyway. "It'll help with the nausea. A lot. And it might also help kick start that appetite of hers. Besides, this remedy is au natural, thank you. I doubt Pepto-Bismol can make the same claim."

 

"Maybe," Tori accepted the bag with a laugh. "She really does need to eat."

 

"I know – she's totally losing her boobs. I mean, I'm gay and  _I_ even noticed."

 

Again Tori laughed, not even thinking about it before reaching over to hug the disappointingly gorgeous blonde boy. "Thank you for helping me out. Even if you're a total drug pusher." It was Noah's turn to laugh as his toned arms returned the squeeze. "And I'm sorry for getting so mad at you yesterday."

 

"I more than deserved it, kid." A kiss was dropped to the top of her head. "I wish I wasn't so disturbed by lady bits so I could just date a nice girl like you."

 

"Trust me, it's not that great. You can ask Lia for some confirmation on that front." She pulled away with a smile and stepped back through the threshold. "You should come in. She's in a pretty good mood considering."

 

"I think that would probably change if she saw me." His hands slipped away from her when she stepped away so he stuffed them into his pockets as he mimicked her, walking backwards. "And Lia does nothing but sing your praises, little lady. We both agree that we're glad Jade mixed you in, even if you're trouble."

 

When Jade finally came back down to the living room she was freshly showered and changed, but she still looked pale and uneasy. She raised one eyebrow when she spotted the bottle of ginger ale on the coffee table, and then both when she saw the baggie next to it.

 

"So did these just appear out of thin air, or…"

 

"I asked Noah to bring you something for your stomach. This was his solution."

 

Jade took a minute to consider the information, reaching for the soda and gingerly taking a sip of it before shrugging and grabbing the bag. "Well, as long as it's medicinal."

 

She left without another word and headed back up the stairs, leaving Tori scrambling to catch up. Jade had already put one of the cigarettes in her mouth when she reached her room, picking up the candle lighter on her bedside table when Tori entered.

 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

 

"It's probably the safest thing I've done in the last month," Jade replied after she inhaled, her voice strained but still droll. "You know, the first time I ever smoked pot was with André. I don't even remember where he got it from or why it was just the two of us, but we ended up watching  _Mad Men_  until the sun came up. Again, no idea why."

 

"You're such a weirdo." Tori shook her head and walked around to the other side of the bed, collapsing back into the spot she had occupied the night before. "If I don't give you any flak about getting stoned a day after you're released from the hospital, will you tell me what actually happened?"

 

Jade took another drag as she walked across her room to where her laptop rested, leaning over her desk to open it and turn on some music. Tori kept her eyes glued to the ceiling, short shorts and Jade being a combination she knew she couldn't even attempt to deal with for the time being. So she heard, rather than saw, Jade return to the bed where she mimicked Tori's position.

 

"I really don't remember," she finally said as her head hit the pillow. "I woke up in the hospital and my mom was crying, which was the first time I've seen her do that since the divorce. And Noah was still there, even though it was probably four in the morning. He told them that he was my cousin so he could stay. Were you really that worried?" Much to Jade's amusement, Tori only response was to snatch the joint from her hand. They proceeded to share it in silence from then on until there was nothing left. "So what happened with you and Petrosini?"

 

Tori breathed in deeply, slowing letting herself deflate before she answered the precarious question. "It just didn't work out," she replied cautiously as she reached up to run a hand through her hair. "We're still… she's the one who dropped me off here yesterday."

 

"I still don't get why you came. Or stayed for that matter." Tori looked over to the dark-haired girl as she spoke, but with her blue eyes were closed she was impossible to decipher. Not that she was exactly an open book to begin with. "Guess you missed me."

 

"I did," Tori blurted out immediately. "I mean... even with… everything that's happened, you're still my friend." She paused. "Ish. The table always felt empty without you there." Jade stretched out next to her but didn't comment, so Tori continued. "It'd be nice to get a sign of what's going on in that head of yours once in awhile."

 

"My mom's been waiting seventeen years, so I wouldn't hold your breath, Vega."

 

She laughed despite herself, but let it go after that – a peaceful Saturday night hanging out with Jade was far more preferable to another fight. And as much as she wanted answers to, well,  _everything_ , even she didn't want to push Jade too much after the last few days she had.

 

So Tori didn't press and Jade didn't give, leaving them to enjoy the music for a while until Jade had decided she was hungry later that night. It was a half an hour after that she received some brief acknowledgment from the other girl – the feel of Jade's hand shyly brushing up against hers drew her eyes open and down. The raven-haired beauty's pinkie and ring finger lifted and stretched over, covering Tori's own and making her skin tingle. Other than her wandering hand, Jade gave no indication to even being awake, her eyes had remained closed and her face passive even when Tori's own fingers curled around hers in response.

 

In retrospect, the Judy Garland song that had come on the moment Jade reached over to her should have given Tori a sense of foreboding, but the butterflies in her stomach had her far too distracted.

_I'm always chasing rainbows  
Waiting to find a little bluebird in vain_

* * *

 

Their Sunday afternoon was spent at the Vega's when Tori insisted on a change of clothes and Jade had become increasingly agitated by the wallpaper in her bedroom. They had slipped up to Tori's room quietly to avoid Trina singing in the kitchen and had been there since, mostly continuing their tradition of hanging out with little conversation while Jade continued to tackle her mountain of homework.

 

"Sometimes I think you look like Snow White."

 

Jade, who had previously been sitting next to her intently reading  _Hamlet_  for the past hour, was reclining against the pillows behind her while she took a breather from Shakespeare and had opened a solitary blue eye at the comment. "Which Snow White? Because if you say that Disney bitch or, god forbid, Kristen Stewart, they will  _never_  find the body."

 

Tori grinned and looked back down to the blank notepad in her lap. "I don't mean you resemble  _a_  Snow White, just what I imagine she would look like."

 

Another bout of silence followed. "You kinda look like the  _Vampire Diaries_  chick."

 

"Nina Dobrev?" Tori raised an eyebrow and looked back up but Jade had seemingly refocused on the play in her hands. "I'll definitely take that," Tori leaned back against her headboard, eyes closing, "I'd love to look like her, she's gorgeous."

 

The touch was so delicate that Tori almost didn't feel the finger ghosting up and around her ear, taking her hair with it. Brown eyes opened to meet blue and for the first time in a long time, Tori felt like she was actually seeing  _Jade_. Without the red tinge creeping up from the corners of her eyes and the inclusion of color in her cheeks again, actually looking like she had slept in the past week. She almost seemed lost in thought as she held Tori's gaze, leaving the brunette agonizing over what she was going to say until Jade took it upon herself to kamikaze.

 

It was almost sobering to kiss Jade while she was, well,  _sober_. She was more hesitant; as if she was contemplating pulling back every second, but she pressed forward nonetheless and Tori couldn't help but respond. Couldn't help slanting her mouth to the right when Jade went left, couldn't help but toss her notepad down when Jade threw a Shakespeare masterpiece to the end of the bed so she could cup Tori's neck, couldn't help but feel relieved when the other girl leaned over her, all soft curves and cool skin.

 

Tori didn't know how long it went on, only that by the end her lips were swollen despite how gentle Jade had been. Their positions had reversed at some point, with Tori now looking down at the other girl, whose eyes were reluctant to open and meet her own. She fluttered her fingers across Jade's stomach, tickling her until she finally snorted and batted her hand away, eyes revealing themselves once again as she laughed.

 

She tried to keep her smile steady as she spoke, but the subject matter had a sedating manner on her expression. "I can't keep doing this with you if I don't know how you feel, Jade." Jade's own smile drooped at the statement, so Tori pressed on, "I need to know this isn't a joke to you."

 

"I'm not exactly laughing."

 

" _Jade_."

 

"I can't… I can't stop thinking about you," Jade admitted as her eyes slipped shut again, a pained look having overtaken her face. "And then I think about how much easier my life would be if I could just get over it, but I can't. I've tried everything, but you're still there and it still hurts. And it's hard not to hate you when you do this to me without even trying."

 

"Well, maybe  _you_  shouldn't try so hard," Tori murmured, earning the sight of intense blue eyes once again. "I'm right here."

 

"Why?"

 

The Latina sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, teeth gnawing on it as she attempted to focus her thoughts. Asking Jade was one thing, but Tori had been agonizing over that question since their first kiss in the rain. "I… can't stop thinking about you either."

 

It was the truth, even if she hadn't come up with it on her own. Jade had dominated her thoughts for more than a month, had managed to completely turn her life upside down while feigning indifference. She wasn't though, evidently.

 

"It's terrifying, isn't it?"

 

* * *

 

For the first time in a very long time, Tori was excited to go to school. She tried to treat it as any other day – she didn't dress up, her makeup was minimal, hair lazily towel-dried – but she couldn't keep the smile off her face as she walked into Hollywood Arts. It barely took a minute for her to spot Jade walking towards her locker while Tori stood at her own, and it took less than thirty seconds after that for Tori's smile to drop.

 

Mike's arm was tight around Jade's waist as they approached her locker, only to let go so he could spin Jade around and press her back against the metal doors, lips firmly locking with hers. And Jade responded with vigor, her own arms flying up around Mike's neck.

 

She expected her heart to stop, figuring the incident should be devastating, but it only made her angry. It felt as if there was a fire in her stomach, a twisting rage that was threatening to boil over. When the two broke apart from their lip-lock, Mike left the girl at her locker as he headed off to class and Jade switched out her textbooks. After she had, she turned and proceeded down the hallway right past Tori.

 

She had the decency to at least look at the Latina as she walked by, and although her eyes routinely blank, she didn't seem drugged. Jade had instead chose to rely on her God-given acting ability rather than put on a mask with drugs, and it was convincing. So convincing that Tori almost let the fire in her stomach be put out by a wave of doubt.

 

" _It's terrifying, isn't it?"_

 

Jade hadn't made it three feet passed her when Tori snapped, springing forward from her position in front of her locker and grabbing the other girl's wrist, yanking her forward and practically throwing her into the janitor's closet before slamming the door behind them. Jade looked mad about the rough treatment and opened her mouth to undoubtedly spit something at the brunette, but Tori had not been in the mood to talk.

 

When she kissed Jade it was like how she had imagined Jade would kiss – hard and unrelenting, a clash of teeth and tongues while Tori backed her up against the corner down the wall from the door so they couldn't be seen through the small window. She had obviously surprised the other girl, but it didn't take Jade long to tangle her hands in Tori's hair and respond with fervor.

 

Tori wasn't having any of it, though. She wrenched Jade's hands from her hair and unceremoniously slammed them back against the wall behind the blue-eyed girl, who jerked her head away and sucked in a breath in return. Tori didn't idle, nor dwell on just how weird it was to be running on adrenaline and anger while her teeth scraped across Jade's neck. A gasp followed and the feeling of Jade's hips crashing against her own, and Tori took the opportunity to let one the wrists she held go so in order to slide a hand up Jade's thigh instead.

 

She had no idea what she was doing but Jade hadn't seemed particularly fastidious when it came down to it. The sounds she made were instantly addicting – high moans and gasps of breath echoing in the small room and she had been so,  _so_  wet when Tori touched her – like she had been waiting for days for this. Bruised cherry lips remained parted while her eyes were screwed shut, hips wanton as they bucked up to meet the hand sliding against her.

 

Though Tori couldn't recall hearing it, the bell must have rang only to be drowned out by Jade's desperate, breathy pants in her ear. If someone had been outside the door, they definitely would have heard but it was the farthest thing from Tori's mind as she pressed three fingers into Jade with little preamble, trying her best to mimic what the dark-haired girl had done to her when she was the one who was pressed back against the wall. If she hadn't been running on fire, she probably would have stopped to marvel at the experience, at being  _inside_  Jade, at forcing moans from her throat, at even the idea of fucking Jade like she was. She knew Jade must have felt like this, amazed at the power she had over the other if only for just a little while.

 

Maybe Tori hadn't been paying attention, but when Jade came it seemed to come out of nowhere. All the warning she was given was a particularly hard buck of Jade's hips against her hand and an almost surprised sounding gasp before Jade's knees buckled underneath her, barely giving Tori time to yank her hand out from under Jade's skirt and try to soften her landing.

 

She watched Jade recover as the last ember of the anger in her stomach died out, leaving her with wet fingers and a cramped hand while she awkwardly knelt on the floor with an arm still around the other girl. Jade looked like a marionette whose strings had been cut, slumped on the floor while she took urgent, shuddering breaths. She wondered if Jade felt as stunned as she did.

 

"Holy shit," Tori finally breathed out when it settled in on her. She stared at her sticky fingers for a moment and then looked back at Jade's flushed face. "I can't believe we did that."

 

The three toned bell rang and Jade was up in a flash, smacking into the toolbox and swinging open the door. Tori floundered for a moment, running to the doorway to watch her leave but hesitated before chasing her down so she could wipe her hands on some paper towel. When she finally made it to the hallway it was full of students, and not one of them Jade. So she ran to the door to confirm that the dark-haired girl was pulling out of the parking lot before looking around wildly for someone,  _anyone_ she could seek out help from. It felt like she was at another party where she didn't recognize a single face.

 

"Sikowitz!"

 

"Toro!"

 

"I need you to give me a ride somewhere." Desperate times. "Right now."

 

The middle-aged man stopped mid-step and seemed to consider her words. "Alright, let's go."

 

"…Really? Don't you have a class to teach?"

 

"It's Improv. They can just improvise a class. It'll be a good lesson for them. Now, to the Ratmobile."

 

"You know they're just gonna – the  _Rat_ mobile? Why… why is your car called the Ratmobile."

 

"You probably wouldn't get in it if you knew."

 

* * *

 

Surely Jade must have heard her come in; she probably even saw her cross the lawn through one of the large windows in her room, where she had been pacing when Tori made it up the stairs and threw open her bedroom door.

 

"That's it. I'm done with all of this. No more giving into your stupid little tantrums, no more chasing you down, no more letting things not be said." It only took two short strides for her to reach Jade and shove her back against the wall, her nails digging into the other girl's shoulders. "What the hell is your problem, Jade?"

 

Jade's chin jerked to the side and Tori almost slapped her, only to choose to grab her jaw instead at the last minute. "You don't get to look away, got it?" Jade's eyes had promptly closed in defiance. "You know what? I think I know what your problem is. You're so… you try so hard to  _make_  people not like you so it doesn't hurt when they do. You try to act like you're above caring what other people think about you, but you're  _obsessed_  with it. But here I am, knowing full well who you are, scissors and mood swings and all, and I want to be with you but that's not good enough for you. God, what exactly are you afraid of?"

 

"Oh, I don't know, Tori. Maybe my whole goddamn life changing?" It was spat out and accompanied by a push, sending Tori back a few feet. "Do you think I want another reason for people to call me a freak behind my back? Another excuse for my dad to go on about what art school has 'done' to me? Not everyone has the world bowing at their feet to please them."

 

"Don't you dare make it sound like I was forcing you out of the closet. I told you that I'd wait, I-I-I did everything I could to try and make you comfortable with all of this because I was scared too, but you can't get your head out of your ass and see that." After a frustrated stomp of her foot Tori gave Jade a helpless look, palms outturned in surrender. "What is it about me that's so disgusting to you? I know it's not just the girl thing, it can't be. Even if you're worried, you're still Jade West and there's no way you'd take someone making fun of you for that. So it must be me."

 

Jade held her gaze at least, even though she looked like she was on the brink of a breakdown. "So what is it, Jade? My voice? My hair? Do you secretly have a thing for blondes? Maybe you wanted Lia all along and you were just using me to get to her. Stop me if I guess right!" Still nothing. "I'm… here, Jade. Because for whatever reason I want you and I feel like I'm going to miss out on something if I don't give this a chance, but you're not letting me in. And I don't know what else I can do; I've tried everything. I've tried giving you space, talking about it, getting over you… it's killing me."

 

"You think you're the only one who hates this? You have  _no_  idea how much I hate it – how much I hate you for making me feel like this." Tori thought she understood, though. Jade was looking at her with such total contempt that it would have made her heart stop if it weren't for the accompanying tears in her blue eyes. "I hate it so much, Tori. So much. This isn't supposed to be my life."

 

"I hate that I think about you at all, let alone  _all the time_. I hate that I want you and I hate that you know how much I want you. I hate that you're so used to having this effect on people. I hate that I…" She looked absolutely pained, more vulnerable than she had even been in the janitor's closet – totally open and exposed. Not a surrender, but a graceful suicide. "I don't want to be in love with you. I hate that I am."

 

It was the truth that Tori had been wanting for so long, but it was still near impossible to digest. Jade had bared all to her and looked as if her heart had literally been ripped from her after doing so, every tear seeming painful as they slid down her cheek. She felt an overwhelming need to comfort the other girl but her feet had remained planted where they were as she took in the sight of Jade West actually crying.

 

"The feeling's mostly mutual," Tori whispered as her body deflated, all the tension that had been building up for weeks finally leaving her at the admission she had been both dreading and craving. "If that makes you feel any better."

 

Jade gave a weak laugh and seemed to recover a bit, reaching up to furiously wipe at her cheeks. "Probably the worst 'I love you's' ever," she muttered followed by a shuddering breath escaping her lips. "Maybe it's fitting."

 

"Might be," Tori agreed quietly as she stepped forward. "We're not always gonna click together, Jade. I think our history is proof enough of that. But we're miserable like this and I'm… still here. And I'm gonna be here chipping away at your resolve day after day," she smiled as she found herself in front of Jade again, "until you give in. Because I'm just that stubborn about wanting you."

 

For the second time that day Jade was once again seemingly lifeless in her arms, backed up against a wall and vulnerable. She accepted the hold on her hips, welcomed the forehead resting against hers, and returned in kind with her hands sliding up to rest on Tori's forearms. "So what does this mean? Skipping down the hallways holding hands at school tomorrow?"

 

"While I would pay to see you skip, I don't think that sounds much like us."

 

"And what do  _we_ sound like?"

 

Tori sighed and considered her words for a moment. "A car crash?" Jade laughed again and her grip on Tori's arms tightened. "I have no idea, but we're never going to figure it out unless you let it happen instead of being a pain in the ass and running away on me every time we get somewhere. I'm not asking for much more than that, okay?"

 

"Okay." Her hands loosened their hold on Tori's arms and her eyes blue eyes drooped shut. It ended up being as easy as that, Jade's fingers dancing up to rest at either side of her neck as Tori tilted her head to meet the other girl's lips tentatively. There was a desperation behind the kiss that made Tori smile as she pulled away, her hands sliding across Jade's back as she whispered out one more, "Okay."


End file.
